Calling for coldnewdles

"Don't Marry Me"

Author: coldnewdles

Main Characters: Kim Taehyung (V), Jeon Jungkook, Park Nara

Genre: Drama, Fluff, Romance, Romcom, School Life

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Nara confessed to him, but he rejected her in a cold way. A few weeks later, her mom told her that she had planned an arranged marriage for their business, whose in critical condition. Unexpectedly, the other party's son is the guy that she confessed to a few days ago, Taehyung. Her life became hell and didn't know what to do. A new kid came by and he fell in love with her the minute he saw her. He wanted to be there for her and he wants to be her shoulder to lean on. The only problem is she's trying to forget about Taehyung, but she's living with him and Jungkook knows nothing about this.

    Critique:

Story Title: 5/5

It's a very unique title that has a cute contradicting twist. It fits your plot perfectly well, everything is punctuated correctly, and its length is decent. I have no critiques.

 

Graphics: 9/10

Your poster is adorable is made professionally. Nothing is too messy and the colors go together very nicely. The font used for both the title and the quote is creative and readable. Aside from that, you also included character icons and a trailer, all of which, I have to say, are incredibly neat and pretty. Although, I docked one point since I found it off that Nara in the poster has short hair and bangs while Nara in the description has no hair and no bangs. Yes, you're just using her as an ulzzang but it's always better to give your readers a clear image of what the characters look like. Overall, your graphics are super cute and there's really nothing to criticize in this section.

 

Description and Foreword: 7/10

The description field serves as an introduction to what your story will mainly be about. Your description is short and simple, yet it provides the necessary background information that starts off the story. The characters' quick descriptions are also useful in getting the audience in your story. You have a slight problem, though, with the grammar. (Since the description is not too lengthy, I'll try to point out all the mistakes I found):

"It's the only thing that we could do to keep the company going..."
Edited: "It's the only thing that we can do to keep the company going..."
Even though your story is in past tense, Nara's mother is talking about their current problem and not something in the past. I hope that's not too confusing.

"...Who got married at that age?..."
Edited: "...Who gets married at this age?..."

"Well, Introduce yourself," my mom ordered and nudged my shoulder.
Edited: "Well, introduce yourself," my mom ordered, nudging my shoulder.
|This isn't a grammar mistake but it sounded awkward to me, plus the capitalization.

Why should we know each other already.
Edited: Why should I? We know each other already.

That was the longest 2 hours of my life, it felt like I was in a holding cell, waiting for my mom to pick me up, only now my mom is inside the cell with me.
Edited: That was the two longest hours of my life. It felt like I was in a holding cell, waiting for my mom to pick me up. Only now we're in the cell together.
This sentence was a run-on that you could've split into three.

(from)...I don't know why since I don't care about any of this (all the way to)...I might as well bury myself alive.
Please check your grammar tenses. I'm not going to type out the whole passage, sorry. Just change the needed words from present to past tense.

Boyfriend? Yes, Maybe.
Edited: Boyfriend? Yes, maybe.
Super small mistake here.

It may seem long, but I assure you that your grammar isn't a huge issue. Besides that, the description and foreword are both equally wonderful.

 

Characterization: 7/10

Your characterization is great in that you gave the three main characters all different personalities. Taehyung was the cocky and confident one, Jungkook was the kind and competitive one, and Nara was the quite normal yet complicated girl. First off, I would like to compliment you on the way you portrayed the boys' thoughts and actions. Taehyung's rival with Jungkook is absolutely adorable and their sarcastic comments about each other made me laugh several times.

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