[CONTENTID1]Archive: Review for kwonrara[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]Ghost at Dorm[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

Story Title: Ghost at Dorm

Author: kwonrara 

Main Characters: Big Bang and other Kpop artist

Genre: Horror

Status: On-going

Description of Story: This is first year Jiyong goes to college at VIP University. One of the famous university in Seoul because only boys who are smart, rich, and talented that could go in there. Boys? yeah, this is a special university for boys, just boys. And all college students have to live in a dorm that had been prepared. But apparently, the dorm has many things unseen, makes Jiyong and his new friends Seunghyun, Seungri, Youngbae and Daesung repeatedly meet with malignant ghost. It started when Jiyong accidentally release a woman ghost from kekkai that had locked her for many years...

 

 

 

CRITIQUE:

Story Title: 3/5

I'm not really a pro at choosing eye-catching titles, but what I do know is that your title is grammatically wrong. It would have been better if it was "The Ghost at the Dorm," but I do think that it's not that unique. You could try changing your title, just make sure it's unique. Why? Well, for me, titles are not that important, but a lot of readers decide to read a certain story because of the catchy title. The title needs to be somewhat catchy but it also has to give your readers an idea of what the story is all about. I've read some stories where the title seemed completely unrelated to the plot. Many people do look at the titles to guide their choices. If the title isn't related to the story then the reader may be turned off from that author in the future. In your case, the title was relevant to the story, it's just that I think it's not that unique and it has a grammatical error, but it did seem interesting for me though.

 

Graphics: 10/10

I love your poster. Your designer did a great job with matching the poster with the concept of your story. It did have that horror vibe, making it more mysterious and interesting; it catches the readers' eyes. The background was just pure black, but I have no issue with it as you didn't really have to put some texts or picture on it. It made the theme more obvious. For the poster though, you could've at least put the ghost's picture somewhere, but I guess it would look more messier and crowded, so I guess it's fine.

 

Description and Foreword: 7/10

My first issue would be your poster. Instead of putting the picture on your foreword, put it as your main image, so that the 'Description' section will only provide your description of the story.

The next issue is your description. Honestly, the grammar was a bit distracting. I see that English is probably not your first language so I understand. This is my version of your description. Let me remind you though that this is just my suggestion. You are not required to change your work whatsoever. Hahaha.. :D

 

This was Jiyong's first year of college at VIP University, one of the most prestigious universities in Seoul, open for boys only. All college students are required to live in a dorm the university already prepared. Apparently though, the dorm has many things unseen, making Jiyong and his new friends - Seunghyun, Seungri, Youngbae and Daesung - repeatedly meeting the malignant ghost.

It started when Jiyong accidentally released a woman ghost from kekkai that had locked her for many years...

 

So this is my version. I would have added a few more things but I prevented myself from doing it since this is your story after all. I'm not quite proud of my work, sorry, but I personally think it's better than before. Honestly, I even researched for the word kekkai as I do not know what it means. You could put a definition of the word below the description so your readers may understand. Other readers may know the meaning of the word but I highly doubt they're many. Anyway, I aligned it at the center, making it look more interesting and less boring. I have no issue with the font color, but I would have preferred if you stick with black, and maybe color some words in dark red color only when you want to emphasize something.

As for the foreword, well it was good. The font courier really matches horror-themed stories so good job in using it. Here's my version of your foreword as well as I corrected some of your mistakes.

 

I warn you, there will be some photos which will probably shock you because once again, this is a horror story, so beware.
I put rated-M because there will be some harsh words, some violence, and maybe some scenes (I can't promise you anything), but first things first, I can't write . It's not that I don't want to, it's because I can't... so I will not be writing scenes wherein the Big Bang members love each other, eventhough this is a university for boys.