Author: loviet

Main Characters: Bang Yongguk and OC

Genre: Action, Comedy, Drama, Fluff, Romance,Gang

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
She didn't want this. All she wanted to do was go home, soak in her tub and use that bubble bath that she spent half her paycheck on and had yet to open. She didn't want to run into the young 18 year old boy that looked so beaten up he could die. She didn't want to bring him home and help patch him up. She didn't want to meet his hyungs. She didn't want to meet his leader. She didn't want to meet the leader's younger sister. And she sure as hell didn't want to become the target of the second most dangerous gang in Seoul. But she shouldn't have to worry right? Not when she's forced to marry the leader of Seoul's number ONE most dangerous gang. And to make matters worse..... She never got to use that ing bubble bath.

Story Title: 3/5

To be honest, I have mixed feelings about your title. If the title was to be standing by itself, to be honest, I wouldn’t find it that much of an appealing title. Firstly because it’s quite a clichéd title and secondly because of the simplicity of your title.

In my opinion, there are two types of simplicity to a title. One is the good type of simplicity; though simple, it still shows strength and will spark the readers’ interest. Due to the simplicity of the title, it may leave an impression on the readers or that one simple word will ignite something within the readers that may prompt them to click on it. The other type of simplicity though, is the type where it’s overly simple. I wouldn’t say that it’s bad though…but just a little plain. There’s no wow factor to the title, and it just seems a bit dull.

Unfortunately, in my opinion, your title fits under the second category. When I first saw your title, I wasn’t that interested. It was only when I read the description did It spark an interest in me.

On the other hand though, if I were to link your title with your story, it changed the way I see you title. Though at first I found your title a little boring, after reading your story, it somewhat gave you title meaning and strength. What could I say? Your title compromises with your plot well, and that’s a good thing to see. Despite that, I didn’t give you that high of a mark for this section, because if I look at the title just by itself, then personally, I’m not that big of a fan of it.

Graphics: 9/10

I love the poster to bits. It’s so beautiful and sad yet kind of badass at the same time, which complements your story perfectly, and I don’t see that happening often in many other fanfics. I think graphics is an important element in leaving a first impression on your readers, and your poster just so happens to leave the impression I’m sure you would want your readers to have upon stumbling across your story.

I had a look at the poster for your sequel ‘come back home’ though, and although the poster isn’t made badly, I truly think it isn’t as appealing as the first. With all my heart, I have no intention of criticizing the poster, because I really do not think that it’s made badly, but I just think that it could’ve been done better. This is all in my opinion though, and since you mentioned that you wanted feedback for the sequel, I decided to mention this even though this technically isn’t relevant in this particular review.

Anyway, aside all that, I noticed that you don’t have a background. Usually, I would recommend people to get one since without a background, the aesthetic aspect of the story wouldn’t be as strong but in your case, I don’t think it’s all that necessary to get a background. You should really thank the person who made your background, because the whole reason a background isn’t necessary in your case is because the poster is so beautiful on itself it’s able to stand on its own. Although you really only do have a poster standing for the whole graphics section, it’s strong enough to pull off this section on its own.  

Anyway, the rest of your graphics is fine, the font is readable and I see no major errors with your graphics. I do have some suggestions in terms of the aesthetic quality of your fonts though. Firstly, I think you should leave a few spaces in between the title ‘Description’ and the actual Description. It’s like a pet peeve of mine, I think the description looks squished up if it’s not given a little space on its own, so that’s something I recommend you do. Secondly, if you want the font to look more appealing, I suggest changing the colour of the font. For your story, I think a light shade of grey will suit it best, so that’s something you can take in consideration too.

Also, I think you should make the separation of the character chart and the description more obvious. Leave a page breaker in between or something, and I suggest placing the names and ages of each character underneath the photo. In my opinion, it’s easier to read the character chart if the writing is underneath the photo, but that’s my personal preference so up to you.

Gawsh…I feel like a nagging ahjumma here telling you to do this and that. I’m really sorry if I come off a bit naggy, but graphics is a section I really concentrate on mainly because I have a huge passion for art and all that. But all in all, great job! Keep it up~

Description and Foreword: 10/10

Yay! Full marks! *Waves hands in the air and cheer*

Anyway, if I take aside the graphics elements of your foreword, then I see nothing wrong with it! Firstly, your description is awesome. Not only does it provide humour to the audience, it also summarizes your story in an interesting way that will surely lead people into reading your actual story.

Although I love the dry humour in the last line of your description, I, for one, am not a big fan of swearing. So I just want to point this out that next time you decide to use swear words in your description, be mindful of others like me who may find it unappealing. I don’t know, a lot of this stuff is all on a very personal level, but for me, I don’t encourage swearing when writing stories because although they create effect, it becomes a bad role model for the readers. No marks off for this though, because this is all purely my own personal beliefs and preferences.

For your foreword, I found this tiny grammatical mistake in the authors’ message, and though I believe this is just a typing error, I would just like to point this out:

Original: I hope you guys comment because I really want to you your feedback when I’m writing new chapters!

Yeah…I’m guessing you probably already see the mistake in this now. Although I get what you’re trying to say, the sentence by itself doesn’t make sense. I think you should replace the ‘to’ with ‘read’, because that’s what I’m guessing you were trying to say (?)

Characterization: 10/10

Yay again for full marks! Your characterization is simply beautiful. Each character has his or her distinctive quality and personality, and that makes the story a whole lot easier to indulge in.

I especially like Hwang Eun Ah’s sassy and bright attitude. She doesn’t really listen to orders and isn’t your typical nice girl. She’s a whole lot stronger than people think, yet despite her brazen front, she’s also a whole