Calling for lissamary

"Hurt Me Tomorrow"

Author: lissamary

Main Characters: Taeyeon, Kyungsoo, Jongin

Genre:  Friendship, Romance

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Kim Taeyeon wasn’t a person who longed for anything from anyone and she definitely didn’t want anyone to think of her badly, especially when her reputation was already ruined. But there was this tiny bit of her that wished she had received the very same treatment that people had always used to treat everyone but her. But she couldn’t, because she was afraid that she would be wronged, again.
....

Note: First of all...I am VERY sorry for the late review. I had exams to take care of and...yeah. Really, I am sorry. Anyway, here we go.   Critique:

Story Title

The title is very interesting and really “angsty” It does not lie to me. I am glad that it is not one f those stories with this misleading titles. Just a note: misleading titles can be good if use correctly.

 

Graphics

The poster is too simple. Too simple that anyone can make it. Sorry if I offend whoever had made it but it's not really that eye-catching. Also, the characters are too bright that they seem sparkling. The font used for “Hurt Me” is barely readable. I apologize but I really do not like the fonts for your poster. The background does not match the tone and theme of your story. I suggest get another poster and BG.

 

 

Description and Foreword

The description is interesting but dull. It's generic. At first read, it is quite intriguing but as I read it again, I kind of lost my interest. A good description makes you feel that you want to read a story no matter how many times you have read that description.

Original: But she couldn’t, because she was afraid that she would be wronged, again.
Correction: But she couldn't for she was afraid that she would be wronged—again.

Explanation: The use of 'because' introduces the subordinate clause tha gives the reason why she could not trust again. However, for should be used as coordinating conjunction and stresses the reason why she could not trust anyone again.

If you are aiming for a dramatic pause in your sentence (which I do believe you were aiming for) use dash. It gives the readers a feeling of suspense and importance of the sentence. If you are not aiming for a dramatic pause, then do not use any punctuation marks. There is no need for that.

I adore the quotes said by your characters. However, I do believe that these quotes belong in the “Foreword” You know...just to add “spice” in your foreword. I'd rather see these quotes than your author's note (no offense) You can include your author's note after these quotes. After all, foreword should be a “sneak peek” of your story.

 

Characterization

How should I say this? I LOVE your characters! I love the main three characters. If you had requested for a graded review, I would have given you a high mark for this section.

When I learned that this story is in different 1stPOVs, I was really scared because most of the time, authors here in AFF use this method wrongly. You, however, have mastered your characters' voices. They do not mix; they do have their personalities; they do have their own quirks. As I read on, I did not have to scroll up and check whose POV I was reading since your characters were speaking to me. For example, I know that I was reading Jongin's POV without looking at the chapter title. It's like you really know them and that is good. Their voices do not change.

I could feel the sadness, the emptiness, the happiness, EVERYTHING in your characters. They are just good narrators. YOU are a good writer for giving justice to your characters' voices. For that, I'd like to congratulate you.

Good job.

 

Plot

The plot is, of course, not really original and I have read a lot of stories with a plot like this. At first, I was really hesitant to read this but your writing style pulled me in. Just like what I have said, the plot is not original and yet you have made your plot yours.

Do you get what I mean? It's like this is not new but because of your tone and emotions in your writing, it feels like you own this story. I know what is going to happen next. Yes, this is somehow predictable but very enjoyable.

I just can't stop reading. You are one of the few authors who can do this: For the plot is nothing new but your hands have made hem refreshing.