Author: SummertimeDaze

Main Characters: Bae Suzy, Oh Sehun and Luhan

Genre: Abuse. Angst, Drama, Romance

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Our first meeting was at one late night. The sky was crying without a reason. The moon and stars were not at sight. I saw a girl escaping and running away in a dark street. I could barely see her eyes streaming with unknown tears under the pouring rain. Her appearance at first sight was beautiful, only a small white dress shielding her from the coldness of the night. Fresh new marks were shown on her pale white skin. I couldn't help but follow the angel like girl and forgot what was my current goal at that night. That's when our first meeting happened. I accidentally bumped to her and she fell down on a dirty puddle like a kicked puppy. I stood there and panicked inside like a child who broke her mother's vase. "Are you okay?" I asked as I pulled out a hand to help the poor girl up.

She scanned at me confusingly with frightened eyes but soon accepted my kindness and grabbed my hand with her shivering one. Her legs stood up wobbly because of the low temperature and weak legs. "What are you doing here late at night?" I questioned her again with worried eyes. She stood there shakily, not saying anything; hugging herself with little warmth. Opening up her pale lips but no words came out. She spoken out a sentence but a faint voice can't even be heard. I widen my eyes in sudden surprised and automatically understood her current condition. "...Are you... mute...?"

"Master, Mrs Bae had escape from her room." One of the youngest patrolling guards announced with a slight bow in front of me, avoiding my cold gaze. His body shivers with fear as I shot daggers through his skull, not liking the news after finishing a lot of stressful work is worse. "Get everyone to search her now. No rest until you find her. Bring her here alive and without any injuries. Kill anyone who gets in the way." I order calmly but was actually furious with anger and betrayal inside. The boy nodded and clumsily stood up and walked away quickly as he shut the door with a small creak. I tried to relax myself with calm breathings but it never works with this kind of situation.

"You know you can't escape from me, Suzy. You are already forever mine." I mumbled with an emotionless face as I look outside through the blurry white window. Dark clouds showering cold droplets of rain like tears to the solid ground. The same tears I remember when I last saw her face after I showed her a lesson of pain. I know she will get another lesson when she come back and it will be more painful than before. Just to show her that she is mine and always will be.

Story Title: 4.5/5

The story title is quite interesting and gives it an aura of mystery due to the irony in the phrase. It is also quite relevant to the story as Suzy's words can't be heard. However, the title is quite cliché in a way as this technique of having irony in a phrase has been used in multiple titles for fanfiction.

Appearance: 8.5/10

a. Poster and Background. 3.5/5

The background is plain and nondescript so it's not very distracting which is good. :) The poster doesn't appear to display well on my screen (it seems low-def, even the icon of the shop that made the poster appears to be fuzzy), so I'm not really sure whether it's that way to everyone or just me. The color scheme is pretty, with nice contrast of colours. However, Suzy's clothing appears albeit too professional and complete (...?) as most of the time she's depicted to be wearing a plain white dress or not wearing anything at all.

b. Lay-out and Formatting. 5/5

The lay-out is perfectly fine and really nice. No issues! :)

Description and Foreword: 7/10

Your opening statement is good with no mistakes, but the following lines have quite a few grammatical errors in it, which I will elaborate down below. Another thing I found was that your description was a bit too long, seeing that it appears to be like a mini-chapter. Perhaps you should change it to be an introduction or excerpts that will captivate people as long descriptions tend to not hold the reader's attention for long. The foreword also has errors in terms of language, but otherwise okay.

Character Development: 9.5/10

a. Unity of the Characters and Their Actions. 4.5/5

The story has just begun so I'm not really sure what the rationale behind some of the character's actions (especially Luhan and Suzy as I don't know what's binding them together) so I'll just comment on Sehun's since he's had the most action thus far. I understand Sehun's shock at seeing such a punishment being done in front of him so I get his initial lagging before he rushed to help. Luhan's (ohmygod I can't imagine fluffy little Luhan doing such stuff) character needs to have more elaboration (perhaps during his talking slip some stuff in considering he talks so much).