Calling for TheSociableIntrovert

"Aurealion: Curse of the Park Twins"

Author: TheSociableIntrovert

Main Characters: Sandara Park and Park Sanghyun

Genre: Action, Angst, Fantasy/Supernatural, Romance

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Beyond the dancing curtains of spectacular hues, would you ever expect a world existing behind the Northern skies of Aurora Borealis and Australis?
That world is called AUREALION : a magical land of mystical creatures and elemental keepers.
And within the boundaries of this realm, two souls have been embarked in a life accompanied by a curse.
A curse which will lead them to a choice.  
A choice which can take the life of one of them.
This is the story of the Park twins, with a magical fantasy twist.
A tale of Romance, Action and Adventure.
....

    Critique:

Story Title: 3/5

The title really matches your story. It is straightforward. So straightforward that it does not leave any mystery in your story. Good titles give you curiosity. Good titles make you ask so many questions. Good titles pull you to read the stories and discover the world behind them.

When I read your title, there was this curiosity but it died, just like that. It did not interest me again. I don't know. I like your title but just like I said, it does not leave any mystery to look forward to. Sure, I might ask myself “what kind of curse?” but other than that, your title does not pull me to read your story. But since the title has been loyal to your story (believe me, I have read a lot of stories that do not match with their titles), I give you 3 out of 5.

 

Graphics: 9/10

The poster is perfect for the story. However, it does not give me this vibe that this is about fantasy. But it is really beautiful and the BG suits the tone of your story. It is not distracting me.

 

Description and Foreword: 7/10

Description describes what is the story about and why you should look forward to it. It gives us idea what will the story offer to us. Foreword is the “sneak peek” of a story. If the description and title did not catch our attention, foreword will be the last saving grace of any stories here at AFF. Just think of them as the words written at the back of a book.

I find the word “synopsis” unnecessary. I mean, that's the use of “description” right? So why do you have to put the word “synopsis”? Also, I did not like this sentence: “This is the story of...”
Personally, I've never liked it whenever a story says that this story is about blah blah blah. It's redundant.
Your readers already know that this is a story so what is the use of including these words?
I also did not like the foreword. Character chart is a no-no to me. However, there are some character charts that helped the story to be “mysterious”. Those character charts do not say too much. They do not slap the information in your face. They give you this wanting feeling that you have to unfold the story by clicking the “next” button.

Let your readers explore your story. Let them get to know your characters without info-dumping.
​I have noticed that you put a lot of descriptions in your story. I will talk about that in the Grammar and Writing Style section.

 

Characterization: 8/10

At the start of the story, I already did not like Dara. She was like a cliché female character to me who is a bit tomboyish yet can be a lady too in a snap. However, as the story unfolds, she has become this character that has her own voice. She has not developed that much yet. But that small development is important and I am waiting for a new Dara to emerge from the hardships she is going through.

There are other characters too such as her twin brother which interests me more more than Dara. He always gives me this vibe that when he is there, something awesome will happen. I just wish he would not stay as that cliché hero type who is quite mysterious. Just like Dara, I see some development.

 

Plot: 30/40

The plot, of course, is nothing new. Sometimes I feel like I am reading a children's story but some events remind me that I am reading a quite dark story. Let me be honest here: originality is overrated. It is hard to achieve. Nothing in this world can be considered original anymore. But, as a w