"Invisible Boundaries (A Boy with Two Hearts)"

Author: EPIONE

Main Characters: Yoo Youngjae, Yoo Jiae, B.A.P

Genre: Angst, Tragedy

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
How often…
do we think it’s okay to fall apart?
…we give up so easily—on broken
toys, snapped piano legs, on each other—and we make believe
that even our tongues are bulletproof,
as if we are stronger than what these
fragile bones
can take.
We don’t forgive our broken toys. We don’t learn to
piece them back together. We trip over our own skeletons
and sweep them back beneath our skin; collect the splattering
of our sorrows and flush them down the toilet like
secrets. We’re so ashamed of that which
fumbles and falls through our fingers that we forget that
there’s another way.
Youngjae’s ribcage is a cathedral…
…his heart is a chapel's bell.
And his thoughts, his mind…
…are the confessions of unspoken sins.

Story Title: 5/5

I personally love the titles—A Boy with Two Hearts and Invisible Boundaries both. A Boy with Two Hearts has a ring to it that makes me interested in what I am in for in the story, although it gets a bit misleading since at first I thought it is literally a story about a boy with two hearts. Throughout the story, I think I understand the meaning behind it and I remember being impressed because I like the way you 'put' your title in the story. Invisible Boundaries, on the other hand, is a little more forward, but not exactly less attractive. I do think that it has significantly less connection to the previous two worlds (A Boy with A Name and A Boy without A Heart) but if it is your intention to have it stand alone then I do not think there are any problems. What I can give as an advice is perhaps to choose just one title instead of having both? I think it would emphasize on the beauty of either titles better since both of them have appeal, and having the two of them up there just sort of make it clash. That aside, I have no other qualms with the two titles!

Graphics: 0/0

I will not grade this section!

Description and Foreword: 10/10

I honestly do not have anything to say here because everything is pretty much perfect in this section. I really like how you included all three versions of an introduction: a summary of what's to come, a poem of some sort and a clip from the story itself. All three are done really well and they are all interesting by their own means. I like your use of metaphors; all those comparisons you made and also your use of words. I think it is nice that you use a series of complicated words but not so overdone that some people have to search for a dictionary. What I do have a say on, however, is the format of the whole thing itself. It looks pretty neat overall, but you might want to consider moving some parts to the Foreword instead of having it all cramped in the Description part? Maybe it is your intention to put it like that so you can keep the Foreword just for your words and all the credits, but this is just a mere suggestion!

Characterization: 8/10

I like how pretty much no one is perfect in your story. In fact, they are so flawed I do not need to read into anything to know the cons of their personality. I think you tried to make everyone well-rounded and realistic and it worked, so kudos to that! Everyone has sufficient air time, there is not a single character that you left behind and only mentioned in passing. You also gave each and every character a distinct trait; usually when you write about more than two to three characters, you end up giving them pretty much the same personality, so I think this is a great aspect in your story.

What I do have a problem with, though, is Jiae's personality. Up until now, I still do not have a good grasp on her persona. I get that she is broken because of her horrible past and she still cannot go over that even now. There are some scenes, though, that makes me think that she has mental issues. The scene with Junhong at chapter