Calling for exoramen

"3 years back in time"

Author: exoramen

Main Characters: baekhyun , luhan and oc

Genre: Fantasy/Supernatural

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Kim Hana was enjoying absolute bliss as she was about to marry her boyfriend, Byun Baekhyun , but her perfect life is shattered when Baekhyun got killed when trying to save Hana from an accident. At that moment she thought it was the end of her . However she was given a chance by a angel to go back 3 years in time to prevent Baekhyun from meeting her .Will she be able to save him or lose a love of a lifetime?

 

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 3/5

Before I start this, I want to point out you forgot to add "s" to "year" because it's plural. It stood out the moment I first read the title; for me, it's uncomfortable whenever I come across mistakes like this, because even though they're small, the title is especially important in grabbing the attention of the readers. These days, and for some time, readers have been looking for stories which have uncommon, unique titles because most believe that behind it hides a well-written story with a good plot (which can or can not be true), and your title is quite common. 

Secondly, you could've simply put "3 years back" since it's already obvious that it's in time. I know what you tried to do, because I also used to do this and most of readers do this - thinking that if they're making the title longer, it's going to give off a different feeling, a more dramatic one, but in your case it didn't do anything, "in time" is useless in your title. In my opinion, it might as well disappear. "3 years back" sounds much, much better and gives off a mysterious feeling. The main reason I gave you 3 points is because, unlike a lot of stories I read here, it reflects your story's plot-line. 

 

Graphics: 7/10

The story's page looks bland. No background. Nobody says you need to get a BG that would stand out too much, but it's good to have one to give a little bit of color. You could've asked the person who made your poster to make a BG too, using the same colors. On the other hand, I love the poster. Although the images of the characters are edited a little too rough for my liking, it gives off an angsty feeling, which compliments the story title. Good job there! 

 

Description and Foreword: 6/10

You stated in the review form that your first language is English which would automatically mean you're fluent, right? If that is so, then you must had been in a hurry when you wrote the description, because I've found mistakes the first time I read it and I have to point out that English isn't my first language. In one word, it's messy. You used both past and present tense and for a writer, that can be very difficult since it's pretty hard to mix them and make it sound good and be correct. The moment I read that you are fluent in English, I expected little to no mistakes but the first impression is quite bad. Another thing that grabbed my attention it's the fact that you didn't put comma after "however". It may not sound like it's a big deal, but it matters, and I'll explain why. When you start a sentence with "however" you must keep in mind that it can mean two things:

- if you don't use a comma after it means "no matter how", for example: "However rare true love may be, it is less so than true friendship" (quote); here, however means "no matter how" and it's called a modifier. 
- with comma, "however" turns into a connector. It’s providing a transition from the previous sentence to the next sentence. It simply means "nevertheless".

Below you have a modified version of your description. My version:

"Kim Hana was in absolute bliss: she was about to marry her boyfriend, Byun Baekhyun, but her perfect life was shattered when Baekhyun lost his life while trying to save her. 

She felt like that was the end for her. However, with the help of an angel, she was given the opportunity to go back three years and stop Baekhyun from meeting her, hoping that would be a way to keep him alive. Will she be able to save him or lose a love of a lifetime?"

See the differences? 

In Foreword, you opted for a character chart. I don't recommend character charts, I believe they're kind of useless, especially since the readers can find out about them reading the story. There are exceptions when the chart is well written, giving enough information and keeping the characters in mystery. Unfortunately, your chart wasn't an exception. You wanted to fill the space and put that there, right? I could tell that by the way you described Hana: "happy bubby idk u will know more in the story" ... It's quite clear you had no intentions to write this in the first place.  You could had filled the place with quotes, or elaborate why and how "49 days" and "Miracles in December" inspired you. 

The reason you've got six points out of ten it's because, although incorrectly written, your description is much better than others I've been on this website.

 

Characterization: 3/10

Let's leave the character chart aside, since it didn't help at all. 

All the characters are plain and you didn't give details at all. Just said about Baekhyun how he was kind-hearted in the past and surprised the Hana who returned three years back by being cold. You gave little to no details about any of the characters of the story. You continued to rush everyone, from the beginning when Hana was slapped by Baekhyun's mother because she was blamed of his death, but you didn't even give information about what happened. He died because of what? Okay, in the description you said it was an accide