Calling for chubbyfaceDiVa

"Boy in the Hand-Bound, Red Book"

Author: chubbyfaceDiVa

Main Characters: Kai, Luhan, Lay

Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fantasy/Supernatural, Psychological

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Words. It's only too easy to believe someone when they're telling you exactly what you want to hear. Yet, those very words are our surest way of knowing someone.
Welcome!
To a world where truth is never what it seems. A world where no one knows what reality, really is...
Not even its speaker...
***

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 2.5/5

First off, your title is undeniably long. Long titles may be very confusing for some readers, so I highly suggest you to shorten it. Since you added "Stage One", I'm guessing you'll write more stories to follow this one. Even so, including this in the title itself isn't a great idea, especially when the original title is already lengthy. You should inform readers of this in either the description or foreword. As a proposal, you can merely put "The Boy in the Red Book". Overall, the title is quite intriguing if it wasn't for the span.

 

Graphics: 9/10

I liked how both your background and poster conveys the angst-y theme. The colors go well together and aren't too dim or too bright. The blending of the characters on the poster is also done nicely. In addition, including the boys' names is a pleasant way to introduce them. I did find the "hand-bound" part unsatisfying though, the words were a bit unclear. Other than that, your graphics are fine and very suitable.

 

Description and Foreword: 8/10

Once again, you did a good job on portraying the them by personalizing the font and all. The description gives off a nice mysterious feel, but this part sounded awkward to me: 

1) A world where no one knows what reality, really is...
Not even its speaker...
Edited: A world where no one knows what reality really is...

Now the next sentence slightly confuses me. It seems like the people in this "world" "speaks" reality? I suggest you tweak the words used so it doesn't sound illogical.

The foreword is quite explanatory with the necessary information about your story. I didn't find anything wrong with it except a tiny grammar error:

2) As if it'd been anticipating Jongin's little tantrum, a smooth voice came from behind the raging boy, "I can make that happen."
Edited: As if it'd been anticipating Jongin's little tantrum, a smooth voice came from behind the raging boy. "I can make that happen."

This is quite a common mistake that I myself make. In dialogues, if you didn't use phrases that show literal talk like "said" or "yell", a period must be added in front instead of a comma. Other than those, your description and foreword are decently short and fitting.

 

Characterization: 6/10

To be truthful, your characterization was bland, as if you're reciting the story and not going in depth about the characters. As this is only your first chapter, I'm sure the characters will develop mor