Calling for Rednovamber

"Seasons of mixed emotions"

Author: Rednovamber

Main Characters: Park Jinnie (original character), Kim Taehyung, Jeon Jungkook, Nam Yuni (OC)

Genre: Angst, Drama, Psychological, Romance, 

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
The four seasons of my life were simple; spring, summer, autumn, winter.
All of them had their own character, their own soul and my vision changed along with them.
I was lonely, yet I had friends.I was hopeless, still, I had dreams of my own.
That day imprinted on my body and soul, just like a nightmare haunting your pure and innocent mind.
I was around and I was able to feel everything, even the little vibrations of the leaves and the low barks of my neighbour's dog, echoing in the alley.
La fontaine du printemps, la chaleur de l'été avec des fleurs, les jours de pluie de l'automne et le froid de l'hiver.
Tout semblait en vain
....
 

    Critique:

Story Title: 2.5/5

Seasons of mixed emotions is a very catchy title. It is unique. However, it doesn’t connect with the story. Moreover, it is grammatically incorrect, and you’ve used special characters. The words ‘mixed’ and ‘emotions’ should be capitalised at the start. Also, for ‘seasons’ and ‘emotions’, there is no need to put different lettering.

Edited; Seasons of Mix Emotions

But other than that, there is nothing wrong with your title. It doesn’t clash with other titles.

 

Graphics: 5/10

I can only mark half of your graphics because you only have a poster. First of all, I suggest you get a background for your story so that it works with your story, and your poster. I find your poster really pretty, but aren’t Taehyung and Jungkook main characters as well? Why aren’t they in the poster? When I looked at your poster and I didn’t see any idols, I thought that, really, there were no idols whatsoever. Also, in your request form, you said that it was an angst story… Well, this poster is NOT angst. The colours of the poster is too bright to be angst — in fact, if I wasn’t reviewing this, I’d think the story was romcom. It doesn’t give a tiny little hint of angst. Perhaps you could ask the designer to make is a slight bit darker to make it seem more like angst. (I’m not forcing you, though.)

 

Description and Foreword: 7/10

I found your description really interesting because you based it on the seasons of the Earth. I liked how you switched the personalities up between the seasons, as well. There were some errors in your grammar, but I’ll mention that later. Your writing is good, and doesn’t go overboard. It doesn’t give away too much, which I love. But, there was some French (?), and I suggest you don’t use it a lot throughout your story because many readers won’t understand — causing your story to become difficult to read. I’m not forcing you to change your description, though, I’m just saying don’t put too much French.

Going to the grammar errors that I was talking about;

Original; I was lonely, yet I had friends.I was hopeless, still, I had dreams of my own.

Revised; I was lonely, yet I had friends. I was hopeless, but still, I had dreams of my own.

It’s just a minor mistake. You need to put a space after the end of a full stop. It may seem confusing now, but I’ll show you;

[EXAMPLE]

Original; As he watched her from afar, he followed her.She knew he was there; she just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

Revised; As he watched her from afar, he followed her. She knew he was there; she just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

It’s actually a really small thing, but I’m a grammar nazi, and I don’t like simple grammar mistakes. I know that you’re not used to grammar punctuation (as you mentioned), so a good idea is to go over and double check your story.

 

Characterization: 4/10

Honestly, I didn’t like your characters. Jinnie is way too innocent for my liking. She is too scared of the universe (I don’t blame her), but she needs to man up, and face what is ahead of her. In my opinion, I could say that I want her to think about her future. For instance, how is she going to face everybody if she was so scared? What is she going to do to solve the problem? Is there someone she could talk to? Etc. I’d just say that maybe she needs to kind of grow up a bit, if you know what I mean.

Yuni is one of those ‘in-your-business’ people; the ones who always butts their noses into other people’s business. I didn’t like it when she suddenly asked, “Have you done it yet?” I mean, who asks a friend that? And why would she ask that? Her friend was , for goodness sake! Yes, it’s a fictional story, but please, make it realistic if you want your readers to understand what you’re writing.

Also, the personalities of Taehyung was also annoying. He changes from sweet and caring, to hesitant and cold. In chapter one, he wanted to hug Jinnie, then suddenly, he pushed her away. I don’t