Calling for lastingturtle

"The Request"

Author: lastingturtle

Main Characters: Kim Myungsoo, Son Naeun, Luhan

Genre: Comedy, Friendship, Mystery, Romance, Romcom

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
She was contented with her life. He was a spoiled kid who spent the majority of his time focused on his crush. When their lives clashed, she was trusted with a grueling request, which led them to develop new feelings. Although, the tranquility may be ruined as her past is gradually discovered.

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 3.75/5

A title is the identity of a story: an identity which stands true from the start of it's journey right until the last stop. So for such important element of the story to be fully effective, it needs to qualify in a number of tests. The tests checks how meaningful, unique, memorable and reflective of genre the title is. And, if it’s humorous, brownie points.

As far as your title is concerned, it's - to put it brashly - not unique. There are many other fics here, both better and worse, with the same exact title. Imagine someone who has read one of the worse ones out of the doppelganger-title stories came across this story in a search result, do you think they'd want to go through that old negativity again by clicking on your link? Of course not. Please remember, when one shares anything with someone/thing, she) also carries that someone's attributes with her - be it good or bad, especially the bad. Hence, I would request you to be more aware of this little fact when choosing titles in the future.

As for today, I won't be asking you to reconsider this title, simply because of how well it fits your story. :D Also since nearly all the interaction between Naeun and Myungsoo were initiated because of either his aunt's or uncle's request to Naeun. Not only that, you took your title and neatly tailored your description around it. I liked that approach.

Doing that gave it perspective, and told the reader that it might have a deeper meaning in relation to her past which will obviously covered in the story. While in the terms of being memorable, it's hanging on a 50-50 balance - making it a 'fair' choice... for now. But who knows? Maybe when you finish the story a new layer of relevance might arise between the title and .

Catch my drift. /wink/

However, fact still stands that it's an incredibly common choice and not that memorable (yet). Since, there are legions of fanfics called exactly the same, I’m sorry but 3.75 stars for you.

 

Graphics: 8/10

In the visuals department you had multiple covers and a posters – they were pretty enough but somewhat sombre looking. Made me a bit confused about the genre of the fic they were supposed to advertise but nice none-the-less.

I must add though, the picture of Myungsoo that you provided to your graphic designers, the choice could've been better. Also, all the posters had the same base pictures of Myungsoo and Naeun, that which was a tad bit repetitive. But still, they were all pretty enough.

 

Description and Foreword: 6/10

Your description was written simply, almost too simply. But I still thought it was good enough since you briefly –even if blandly– introduced the two leads and part of what the conflict would be about.

The main character Naeun was set up, although as the clichéd orphan girl I was pleased that other than that she was a normal girl with a nice set of parents. Honestly when I read the word orphan, I just had an instant flashback to the first gen users of AFF and their stories.

While it was a good and new plot then, it’s an over-fermented, distasteful sludge now. So I was really happy that she wasn’t reduced to a badly executed, tormented-21st-century-Mother-Teresa.

Myungsoo seems like the stereotypical bad-boy who first creates trouble for the female lead and probably does some stupid things before realising his love for Naeun. This is a scene done many times, and if left like this, he really has nothing that would attract potential readers to click on the ‘next’ button. I wish you’d do something more, something that takes him away from the set-image, even if that’s exactly how he is. Make him seem more like a real person, distinct. Maybe add details, something. Anything.

And a final problem, the conflict itself. The way you advertised the events of the story was a gross over-exaggeration of the actual events you put it. In comparison to the promise you made in the description, the rest of the story was again a disappointment. Sorry.

Example~

That was until the Kims' nephew entered her life and brought along a grueling responsibility for her.( ?)Between (trials and triumphs), Naeun gradually discovers her mysterious past and (fall) in love, but will it be her (fatal) mistake?

Implications~

When I read the word gruelling here, I immediately imagined Naeun trying to lug Myungsoo’s heavy, blood-covered, limp body on her back/shoulder through dirty, old maze-like streets with a twisted ankle when a strange figure is chasing them. This was my first image. Pretty heavy right? Well when anyone who’s read mystery novels reads the word ‘gruelling’ they naturally end up imagining this, because, that’s the connotative image of the word. So far, we have seen no ‘gruelling’ responsibilities that she’s been tasked with for his or anyone’s sake. So, you should either change the word, or give your audience a glimpse of something appropriate. Trial and triumphs? Still waiting for them to happen or even hints that they will happen. Fatal? I’m assuming there is some kind of life-threatening or all-ending scene in the upcoming chapters. If there is, then there’s no problem, but you only used the word to place a lofty sounding word, I have a problem.

I hope you can understand what I mean. Every word you use has its own set of meaning and coded images. When you use a word, if the feeling of the word doesn’t match the plot you are trying to portray, what you say doesn’t reach the audience.

I originally began by saying I liked the description and in all honesty I did, except how Myungsoo was introduced but since he’s the reason I’d read this fic in the first place I won’t complain. But then as I read your story and then saw your description again, I was disappointed.

This is a romantic-comedy with a sub-element of mystery, not the other-way around. Please lighten the wording a bit to fit the mood.

Note: Fall