Calling for littlemisshappyify

"The Handkerchief"

Author: littlemisshappyify

Main Characters: EXO's Kris and OC

Genre: Angst, Drama, Mystery, Romance, Tragedy

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
When she broke his heart,
he had learned to detest her.
He hated every memory of her that refused to go away.
He hated every part of him that still wanted her.
And he wanted to break her.
And when he had finally broke her heart like how she did him,
did he do the right thing?

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 3.5/5

A title is a story’s first impression. People make a first impression with appearance, wardrobe and body language. Stories do it with a title, that's why titles are extremely important. A title creates anticipation and expectation or, perhaps, disinterest. Often the title is what will determine whether or not someone reads a story. Let's think of it as the first step in officially advertising/promoting your story. It's with an attractive title that makes a reader want to read a story, to be honest. Here in Asianfanfics.com, stories are commonly placed in section through tags, or through categories in general. Frankly, there are thousands of stories here on AFF, so clearly, there's no assurance that you're story'll be read by readers' that suddenly. So yeah. You have to really do a good job with choosing the right title.

Personally, I think you did a good job with choosing the title despite its commonness. I think titles that delve into the essence or a crucial aspect of the book is important, and you did that quite well. That handkerchief held a symbolism with the story – more specifically – with Kris and Hana’s relationship. On the bad side, it was too simple, dull, and again, typical/common. I wasn’t really attracted at first glance. It didn’t intrigue me that much, which is a very critical point in every story. It is important to have that wow-factor even for your title since you would want your potential readers to get curious that pauses them to click your story in AFF’s sections and read it. A more sophisticated yet meaningful title would’ve done the job, but ‘The Handkerchief is fine though to be honest. It’s just that it wasn’t that appealing for me.

 

Graphics: 7/10

For one, I like that characters' expressions. Kris had that astonished face on his, encapsulating that mystery-genre of the story. Personally, his expression is understandable, but I would've preferred a sad look on his face instead to elaborate that quote above wherein robbing someone of their smile and putting it on your face will not make you happy. As for Hana's expression, it was based on her character to which she was always smiling. I liked how I remembered the scene where her face was highlighted by the early sun. Moreover, I don't like the color scheme. The red tint on the sides looked like of blood, and clearly, I don't like it. It made it look creepy, and for one, I though there would be some killing in the story. The somewhat white cloth close to the title was a handkerchief, right? Well, it wasn't that visible, or rather it was visible but it not that understood. I would've preferred if the red tints didn't affect that handkerchief, but meh. There's nothing we can do about that. On the other hand, it's fortunate that you have a complementing background. It was simple, yet it suited the theme of the story. Overall, the graphics are good, but the main color of your graphics with was red didn't suit the theme of the story, but maybe that's just me. 

 

Description and Foreword: 8.5/10

I love your description. Basically, a description is your chance to speak directly to your readers about why you wrote the story, what it’s about, and why it’s important. Clearly, you’ve done that part. It also served as your introduction to your story, and it absolutely sounded interesting. It gave a brief description of the story; the main characters, and its themes. It didn’t really gave anything away as it only gave just enough to get the reader interested in reading more. You somehow described the story along with its characters. ​I have an issue with the conjunctions used though. I think it's best to remove the conjunction and on the fifth line, whereas it would come out like this: "He hated every part of him that still wanted her. He wanted to break her." It was a bit distracting since the proceeding like had another conjunction, so it sounded a bit foul. 

You also did well with your prologue, although I think it was too lengthy, but then again, it the whole point of the prologue would be ruined if you removed some of its parts. I would've preferred if you placed the last scene of the prologue on the chapter instead. You could've ended it with his name getting called out by Hana, creating a cliffhanger at that. A prologue is used to give readers extra information that advances the plot. It is included in the front matter and for a good reason. A prologue is used mainly for two reasons. First is to outline the back story quickly and economically, saving the author from having to resort to flashbacks or ruses such as conversations or memories to explain the background to the reader. The prologue is a better option than a first chapter bogged down in detail. Another one is to hook the reader and provide the story question right up front. Quite often the prologue relates to a scene near the end of the story, and the story itself then shows what has led up to this moment. In your case, it was literally the beginning of the story. The wide spacing were distracting as well, but it's your preference so I have nothing against that. I also noticed some grammatical mistakes here and there, which I will be discussing on another section later. For now, this is one of the mistakes I saw.

(Original Version) Any passersby would call him casual and nonchalant. But the seemingly relaxed stance was a product of accumulated self-discipline and control, things that he had learned agonizingly for the past six months.​

(Revised Version) Any passerby would call him casual and nonchalant, but the seemingly relaxed stance was a product of accumulated self-discipline and control – things that he had learned agonizingly for the past six months.​ // OR // Any passerby would call him casual and nonchalant; however, the seemingly relaxed stance was a product of accumulated self-discipline and control – things that he had learned agonizingly for the past six months.​

You tend to start your sentences with conjunctions. It's not really that wrong to start your sentences with conjunctions, but I think you should try words like "however" instead of "but" to make it sound more professional. You could also use a semi-color in the process, as illustrated above. If a conjunction is used at the beginning of a sentence, the reader may be looking for an idea to connect to the sentence. While using a conjunction at the beginning of a sentence can add emphasis, it’s an informal means of doing so. You can use it in creative or personal writing, but it’s not recommended for formal writing. Beginning the second sentence with the conjunction but is not a good idea. It would be better to connect the sentences with a comma and but. Also, while the subject is a matter of debate, beginning a sentence with words like “however” and “on the other hand” is frequently frowned upon. It may be safer to connect the sentences with a semi-colon. Likewise, it's your choice whether or not to change it, so it all in your hands.

What I like in you foreword though is how you introduced the general plot of the story. You started it with how the couple was before that happened, and it was really interesting. Kris having second thoughts on his so-called revenge made it more interesting as well. You did well with your prologue. Moving on, I have no problem wit