"How I Shipped Baekyeol"

Author: Chunkee__

Main Characters: Noh Hyemi (OC), Park Chanyeol, Byun Baekhyun

Genre: Drama, Friendship, Romcom, Schoollife, /Yuri

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
I was never a fan of gay couples, though I have gay friends. It was against my beliefs and I never liked seeing gay couples openly dating outside and seeing them spend most of their time looking at each other like normal couples out there.
I currently have one gay friend and I love him being around me. My world gets all messed and I really had a fun time spending time with him or her, I don't know. He pesters me to call him a her. I will never understand it.
Anyways, he is more of a girl than I am and he is Byun Baekhyun.
She and I joined in an acting workshop just for fun's sake. We were all hiked up, especially because we love acting and it was a new experience to us. It was deifinitely in our bucket list.
Unfortunately, we weren't in the same group. I was in group eight and she was in group five.
After getting used to our activities, we were asked to create a group chant then an additional member joined and went to the flow. I sat beside him and talked to him then I recieved the most unbelievable sentence I have ever heard from him.
"You know what, girl? You are the first friend I met here."



 

Story Title: 4/5

Titles are very important. Although it may be very relevant to the plot of your story, it's also necessary to present your story with the best title possible. You title has to set the tone, hints and the genre and style of the story itself that draws the readers in. Think of it as your first step in 'marketing' your own story. In your case, well, I have to say, it was very relevant to your story; however, it wasn't that unique. Well, for one, there are some existing stories in AFF with nearly the same title as yours, and some similar, so it's quite hard to say that yours is unique. Titles are not copyrightable. If your title is fairly common and doesn't deal with the same subject matter as another story with the same name, you shouldn't run into any legal problems. But that should not be done intentionally. Why run the risk of confusing a reader into thinking your story is someone else's? Besides, you don't want the readers to think you're unoriginal, even though the title is just near from being similar. It's just as easy to come up with a new title as to re-use an existing one, and a lot more satisfying. Adding the fact that Baekyeol is a popular ship and OTP in the kpop world doesn't help as well.

Also, at the title, you said "shipped", in past tense. I'm getting a hunch that it has a deep meaning behind it, like she shipped Baekyeol before but something happens later on in the story. That's a pretty good tactic I must say, if it is what I think it is. Anyway, it piqued up my interest, so thumbs up to that. Ummm... On the other hand, the title seems to contradict the story's genre? Well, the title's too fluffy for me which contradicts to what I've read in your story. I don't know. I just think it's too cute.

Now, I'm not saying that you should change the title. All I'm saying is that it's not that original for me, so it may be hard to implement the so-called "word-of-mouth". But then again, your title is indeed very relevant, and I don't know of any title that suits your story more, so I guess we're all good here. Overall, I think a grade of 3.5 suits the grading for this section.

Graphics: 6/10

Your poster was indeed fluffy and cute to be honest; but there's a lot of loopholes behind it. First of all, the poster revolved in one color, which is, correct me if I'm wrong, pink? I would have loved the fluffiness of the poster, but yeah. It's too pink for me, and well it would mean the 'gay' part for your story but... it didn't look that attractive for me. Also, the word 'cute' was a bit distracting since it was placed at the left side of the title itself. Your readers would mistake your title as "Cute How I Shipped Baekyeol" and girl that sounds so weird.

My next issue would be the contradiction between the poster and the genre of your story. I do noticed that there were some romcom scenes; however, I don't think that fluff would be considered as one of your genres, which is what your poster clearly portrays. I have read your 7 chapters so I can say that your story is more of drama than of fluff. Also, the girl in the poster seemed to girly for me. I think it would've been better if she was a bit boyish looking, so at least it would portray the girl's personality a bit.

Your background was fine I guess, and I kind of admire you for requesting for a complementing background for your poster, but then again, it's way too fluffy for me. Maybe you could request for another poster from that shop, one that looks more of romance and angst I guess? In all honesty, your current poster is fine, but yeah. It's too fluffy. A simple poster would do; with Baekyeol on the side and the boyish girl on the other side. I guess it all goes to how you want your poster to be.

Description and Foreword: 6.5/10

Let's begin with your description. Well, first of all, I think you gave out more information that you needed. You actually told us the plot for the first chapter itself, and in my opinion, it's not a good thing. First of all, a description is your chance to speak directly to your readers about why you wrote the story, what it’s about, and why it’s important. As it is an introduction to your story, a description should include information about the plot, but it should be in the right amount of information. First of all, give a brief description of the story; the main characters, or themes. Give just enough to get the reader interested in reading more; don’t give anything away. ​Make sure your description fits all the elements of your story. I've read stories before wherein their description was indeed interesting, but once I read the story, I was disappointed because it wasn't connected, and it really didn't match my expectations. ​Make it sound as unique as possible. It's what usually readers are after once they visit your story, so if your description is more than enough to attract them, they might read your story. ​Describe the story along with the characters. Remember not to put too much information as it may ruin the surprise/twist of the story. You did well in those areas, but then again, you just told them your base plot, and some of it might be to your advantage in the future. Other than that, there were some grammatical errors and questionable parts in your description. Here they are:

(Original Version) I was never a fan of gay couples, though I have gay friends. It was against my beliefs and I never liked seeing gay couples openly dating outside and seeing them spend most of their time looking at each other like normal couples out there.

(Revised Version) I was never a fan of gay couples, though I have gay friends. It was against my beliefs. I never liked seeing gay couples openly dating outside because seeing them spend most of their time looking at each other like normal couples out there doesn't fail to make me cringe.

I'm terribly sorry for this version since I myself think that it's a bit weird. Haha. Well, this sentence is actually too long so the thought might be misunderstood at the end (like me), so I thought of adding something at the end of that sentence. You should think of something you can add at the end; a reason as to why she hates seeing them openly dating.

(Original Version) Anyways, he is more of a girl than I am and he is Byun Baekhyun.

(Revised Version) Anyways, his name is Byun Baekhyun, and I have to say; he's more of a girl than I am.

So for this one, well I changed some words mainly because I think it sounds better. A tip I'd like to giv