Integrity & Borders - hotaznspice
BLK's Review Shop ACHIEVE
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Character: (9.5/10)
I'm a er for side characters. I always love the mini-stories and background of the minor characters to the main characters. And I've got to admit, I was impressed how all characters played a major role in the story. I'll be explaining and going through the major characters in a bit, but overall I felt that all characters that were included contributed equally and perfectly to the story. To be honest with you, I'm not a big EXO fan. In fact I consider myself an anti sometimes, (I know I'm horrible) but it was because of these characters and how each played their roles that I've fallen in love with the story. And as a reviewer I try not to let the idols that are being used distract me from the moral, message or plot of the storyline.
Anyway shall we start with Choi Joohyun, our amazing OC? Through the 30 chapters with Joohyun, I felt like she was an okay OC. Beside her sharp remarks, short-temper, and beauty, I wouldn't say she stood out that much, at least not to me. However, she's very uniquely different compare to the other OCs I've read. She acts her age. Not to bad-mouth other OCs, but I've seen a lot of OCs in college and whatnot, however, they have like this high school girl mindset. They fall in and out of love easily, and even if the story states that the OC is mature, smart, etc. Sometimes they aren't portrayed exactly just that. So I enjoyed the realistic side to Joohyun's character.
Next we have our Joonmyun who at first was thought to be the leading male character. He stood in the center of the protagonist and antagonist from beginning to end. He wasn't the cliche rich CEO jerk that the female lead fall for. Instead he has that gentlemanly side that usually the second lead would have, however he appear as the first lead. He's an interesting character with a very dark history. Compare to all, I believe his history was the darkest, and because he overcame it alone, it grew onto him and made him who he is in the story.
We have Choi Siwon, the playboy brother in the beginning who's also Joohyun's 'comfort zone'. He seemed to be all about business and women, yet we can tell how much he care for his sister. He understood her from many perspectives. We can see that he's supporting her from the side and he's always pushing her to do what she felt she needed to do. For example he supported and told her that it was alright if she refused Joonmyun's proposal, yet at the same time she also need to take in her feelings into consideration. There we know that Siwon knew about his sister's feelings for the CEO of Top Class. Bottom line, Siwon came off as the kind-hearted brother, yet has a flirty and dirty side to him just like any man.
Another leading male was Kim Jongdae, Joohyun's ex and Joonmyun's long-lost first cousin. The character who wanted revenge on the Choi's and had merged with his cousin to make that happen. Though he has this side of wanting to other people fall, he also has that soft side for his finacee Krystal, one of his cousin's ex. Jongdae cares a lot about Krystal, despite what others say about her. As for Joohyun, I felt that though he wanted to see her fall, at the same time he wasn't sure if he'd enjoy the sight of her fallen. So we see him kiss her in one scene, personally, it came off as him re-confirming whether he was making the right or wrong decision by siding with his cousin. If Joohyun had returned his kiss, I'm sure he would have dropped this 'revenge' mindset of his.
Wu Yifan, Kris, probably our leading male that wasn't fully introduced until a little more than halfway through the story. Though many Kris-biases would have wished that he appeared sooner, I thought the timing was just right when he entered the story completely. He had nothing to do with the beginning as he's from a completely different organization that does its own thing. It's like saying he wasn't really of their world, when in fact, he shared the same positions as them, as CEOs. In the story we can tell he care a lot for Joohyun even though they barely knew one another. He's kind of like the hero that saves the day at the end of the day.
When it comes to main characters, we cannot leave Amber out. At first she seems to only be a side character, but as the story progresses, she became almost like the female lead. She's talked about a lot throughout the story and she was a fearless lady that everyone were slightly afraid of. She has the strongest role on Joohyun's side. She kind of set the balance for Joohyun's side, since she was the combination of Baekhyun and Chanyeol on their side. And even till the end, she prove to be a strong, wise, and likable character.
Then we all the rest of the other EXO members as associates and members of each side. I love how they were split up to be honest. The Koreans on one side and Chinese on the other. And what I truly love about these characters in this story was the fact that they were really realistic characters. It wasn't like Sehun met Luhan and then they become Hunhan and then had that causes some sort of conflict between each organization. Which may be infer back to the story title, 'borders'. They have their own little groups and they just don't mix.
Each character developed just fine in the story. The one character I felt changed the most, or shall I say developed the most, was none other than our Jung Krystal. She wasn't the gold-digging air head everyone set her to be. She has her own plans and opinions, and she really stood off from the rest of the group, because she proved them differently.
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Originality: (10/10)
The story was very original. Sure the cliche of young CEOs of big companies who gets married, engaged, and whatnot, but I felt that the story was very original. And for some reason as I was reading this story, I thought to myself whether you, the author, was actually in a position similiar to your characters. However, judging from your A/N, I didn't think so. But you did an amazing job and I could tell the originality of the story was planned and you've done your research. It was above and beyond my expectation, so kudos there.
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Story-line/Plot: (40/40)
As if you knew I was a er for stories with genres such as 'business' and 'politics', you've chosen me to review your story and to be honest I never regret reading this story. I love the storyline from beginning to end, why? Because I love how the story revolves around business. In many fictions similiar to this one, we often see that the character, a rich CEO (usually male in this case) is all about business. But as the story progresses, he loses that potential of being a 'workaholic' and instead he either becomes lovesick or one who knows nothing but lust. So when I first read the story summary and saw 'business with pleasure' I thought to myself, "great. Another story with some business and then a bunch of afterwards." But NOPE! No matter what happens, the characters still play their roles out as businessmen and that's what kept me interested in the story from start to finish.
I had to give you full points here. I saw no flaw in your storyline really. You said your story was about business with pleasure and it was indeed just that. There were no random surprises that threw the story off track. It was a well thought out and planned story and I applaud you for that.
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Grammar/Errors: (24/25)
I'm impressed with your terminologies that were used. Your vocabularies weren't limited, it was well written, actually beautifully written. Sentence and grammar were all well done. However, I noticed you're just like me. We like to abuse the comma button because when we write, we kind of read and write at the same time in our own heads. (Obviously? Nope, I've learned that some don't read and write altogether. They say it out loud as they write, interesting right?) So to make it a more dramatic effect we just spams those commas wherever we saw fit. But that also gives it a choppy read so just be careful with that. Try reading the sentences out loud once in a while. Other than that I only saw minor and common errors, such as: leaving out a word, a punctuation, having an extra quotation mark within a character's dialogue, all that can easily be fixed with proofreading.
Original: "...with its partners," the young man on the TV spoke into the microphones; Wu Yifan.
"As regretful...."
Correction: "...with its partners." the young man on the TV spoke into the microphones; Wu Yifan.
"As regretful...."
Suggestion: I know that sometimes or most of the time, comas sounds better than periods when one's talking. However, if the next character's speech starts with a capital (not a name of a person or place in this case, obviously) then there needs to be a period or closing punctuation in the last speech.
Original: His dark eyes were so tensed that they could pierce through glass and his hair was jet black but short and styled in a short Mohawk.
Correction: His dark eyes were so tensed, that they could pierce through glass and his hair was jet black, yet short and styled in a short Mohawk.
or
His dark eyes were so tensed that they could pierce through glass, and his hair was jet black yet short and styled in a short Mohawk.
Suggestion: When you have more than two 'ands' in a sentence, there needs to be a comma either before or after the first or second and. This was a run on sentence, I tried reading this in one breath and it just didn't sound right. "But" may have also worked but I thought 'yet' would have been the better term.
Original: "So he knows how to lie to the cameras," the man at his desk spoke. "He knows how business really works. I think we can get along just fine."
Correction: "So he knows how to lie to the cameras." the man at his desk spoke. "He knows how business really works. I think we can get along just fine."
Suggestion: Think of this sentence as in you're removing the mentioned of the person who said this, it'll be "So he knows how to lie to the cameras, He knows how business really works...." It's kind of like that so just be careful with that.
Original: "...with its p
Correction: "...with its pa
Suggestion: I know
Original: "...with its p
Correction: "...with its pa
Suggestion: I know
Original: "...with its p
Correction: "...with its pa
Suggestion: I know
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Overall Enjoyment: (5/5)
As mentioned before I'm not a big fan of EXO, if it wasn't for Jongdae I don't even know if I'll check out any EXO stuff. But your story wasn't just another EXO-L fiction that shows your love for EXO. It was more than that. It was you portraying them in a way that even a non-EXO fan wouldn't mind and actually enjoy reading the story. Not to say I'm not a fan either, but the many scenes didn't take away my interest in the overall story.
I enjoyed this story very much. It's actually the first time I've finished a 32 chapters story in one day so give yourself a pat on the back! I'd recommend this story to someone who loves business and , it will really make their day, afternoon, and/or night. I wish more people would appreciate this story, it was very well written and I hope you get something from the contest you've joined. You definitely deserved it with this one.
Keep writing. I can see you publishing a world-wide popular book one day, so keep writing. You really blew me away with this one so I wish it'll become a story that will receive more love and appreciation. You've worked hard. Fighting!
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Total Score (98.5/100)
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Bonus: *Your questions and focuses for me*
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