Story: An Angel's Revenge (M)

Requestor's Username: hugebarbieass

Reviewer's AFF Name:

Date Received - Date Completed: 7 August 2014 -  7 August 2014

NOTE: This story is Rated M + AND only have 2 chapters so far. My review is based on what it has so far, sorry beforehand for my harshness/straightforwardness.

(8/10) Title: The title is after the golden book that Luhan dropped, which leads to the other events in the story. I do want to know why it's called An Angel's Revenge, I guess I can only wait for more updates to find out.

(7/10) Character: The characters weren't developed enough to understand each of their personality. All I could make out is that they all have lust.

(8/10) Originality: The story's feelings are straight forward. The storyline is original, if more developed, it will become an even greater story. Since it's not marked completed yet, I can't say much.

(30/40) Storyline/Plot: The storyline/plot is a little confusing. The pace that the story progresses at is a little rapid, no time to grasp what was going on. There weren't transitions from scene to scene, so it felt like it jumped from place to place. I suggest to slow down the pace with more descriptions.

(20/25) Grammar/Errors: The choices of words are good, very explicit. There are a lot of sentences and words that aren't capitalized. Some punctuation errors.

(3/5) Overall Enjoyment: I want to like it more, but the story jumped at me and I didn't quite understood why things are happening the way they did. I do want to find out what will happen next, and look forward to the next chapter.

(76/100) Points Total

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:

How interesting is the story: Luhan being an angel that fell from heaven does spark interest, but the story didn't elaborate on that (yet?). It would have helped to describe a little more why/how Luhan is there in the beginning, to get a little more foothold on the story. All of this is mostly due to the fast paced of the story, if slowed down, the story would be able to develop and give more to its readers.

Luhan's...: Very 'smexy', I'd like to call it, and detailed. I think the readers could almost hear Luhan's screams.

Feel free to message me if you have any further questions.