Delusion of the Mind - Cyndicyn22
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BONUS:THE STORY IS NOT PREDICTABLE THE WAY IT IS RIGHT NOW BECAUSE WHENEVER I THOUGHT THAT A SPECIAL EVENT WOULD HAPPEN NEXT YOU WERE ABLE TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERE
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CYNDICYN22
REQUEST ON: 9/26/15
REVIEWER: BLACKROSESTEARS
FINISHED ON: 10/8/15
SCORE: 93/100
TITLE: (10/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - YOUR TITLE FITS THE STORY AND ITS PLOT PERFECTLY, IT MAKES PERFECTLY SENSE THAT YOU USED IT LIKE THAT.
EYE-CATCHING (3/3) - THE TITLE DID CAUGHT MY ATTENTION BECAUSE IT WAS INTERESTING AND SOMETHING I DIDN'T GET TO READ OFTEN. IT WAS LIKE A HINT TO A STORY WITH AN INTERESTING PLOT.
ORIGINAL (4/4) - AS I ALREADY MENTIONED IT IS AN INTERESTING AND UNIQUE TITLE THAT IT WOULD BE A PITY TO NOT READ THE STORY.
STORY'S FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION (10/10)
STORY'S SUMMARY (5/5) - JUST BY READING YOUR FOREWORD I WAS ALREADY CAUGHT TO READ THE STORY BECAUSE IT IS REALLY INTERESTING AND SOUNDED LIKE A GOOD PLOT. WHAT I PERSONALLY REALLY LIKED WAS THE FACT THAT YOU USED A DISEASE THAT IS NOT REALLY KNOW AND YOU EXPLAINED IT BEFORE STARTING THE STORY WHICH MADE IT EASIER TO UNDERSTAND BAEKHYUN LATER IN THE STORY. BUT YOU ALSO DIDN'T REVEAL TOO MUCH IN YOUR FOREWORD WHICH CAUSED MY CURIOSITY TO GROW BECAUSE I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN YOUR STORY.
APPEARANCE (5/5) - YOUR FOREWORD AND THE DESCRIPTION LOOK NEAT AND ORGANIZED. IT IS EASY TO READ.
CHARACTERS/CASTS (8/10)
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (4/5) - YOU CHOSE A PLOT WHERE THE TWO MAIN CHARACTERS ARE THE TOTAL OPPOSITE OF EACH OTHER. CHANYEOL IS REALLY RUDE, A JERK, A TWO FACED PERSON THAT IS NOT REALLY THE FAVORITE KIND OF PERSON YOU WANT TO GET ALONG WITH BUT OVER THE CHAPTERS YOU PUBLISHED SO FAR WE CAN CLEARLY SEE HOW HE SLOWLY CHANGES BECAUSE HE STARTS TO SHOW FEELINGS TOWARDS BAEKHYUN. HE STARTS TO CARE FOR HIM AND HE WANTS TO HELP HIM. THERE ARE THESE LITTLE THINGS, ACTIONS HE DOES THAT SHOW THAT HE CARES FOR BAEKHYUN AND I HOPE THAT BAEKHYUN WILL REALIZE THAT SOON TOO BECAUSE SO FAR ONLY THEIR FRIENDS REALLY DID REALIZE IT.
THE OTHER PERSON THAT CHANGED SO FAR OVER YOUR STORY IS BAEKHYUN BECAUSE YES, HE STILL HAS HIS PROBLEMS AND ISSUES BUT HE TAKES SMALL STEPS TOWARDS THE LIGHT OUT WITH THE HELP OF CHANYEOL AND THEIR FRIENDS. WHEN YOU STARTED YOUR STORY IT WAS HARD FOR BAEKHYUN TO SHOW FEELINGS AND TO TALK BUT THAT CHANGED AND THOUGH HE IS OFTEN CRYING HE IS STILL ABLE TO SHOW THAT HE HAS FEELINGS AND THAT HE IS HURT WHICH IS A REALLY IMPORTANT STEP FOR HIM.
THE OTHER PERSON THAT CHANGED SO FAR OVER YOUR STORY IS BAEKHYUN BECAUSE YES, HE STILL HAS HIS PROBLEMS AND ISSUES BUT HE TAKES SMALL STEPS TOWARDS THE LIGHT OUT WITH THE HELP OF CHANYEOL AND THEIR FRIENDS. WHEN YOU STARTED YOUR STORY IT WAS HARD FOR BAEKHYUN TO SHOW FEELINGS AND TO TALK BUT THAT CHANGED AND THOUGH HE IS OFTEN CRYING HE IS STILL ABLE TO SHOW THAT HE HAS FEELINGS AND THAT HE IS HURT WHICH IS A REALLY IMPORTANT STEP FOR HIM.
CHARACTER'S RELATIONS (4/5) - I CAN TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HOW YOUR CHARACTERS ARE BEHAVING (NOT THAT I WOULD LIKE TO BEHAVE LIKE CHANYEOL AT FIRST). I LOVE HOW FRIENDSHIP IS IMPORTANT IN YOUR STORY BECAUSE BAEKHYUN WOULDN'T BE WHERE HE IS RIGHT NOW WITH NOT ONLY THE HELP OF CHANYEOL BUT ALSO THEIR FRIENDS, LIKE LAY BUT ALSO THE NEW FRIENDS HE GAINED OVER THE CHAPTERS SO FAR.
I REALLY LIKE MOST OF YOUR CHARACTERS, EXPECT DARA BECAUSE SHE IS REALLY SELFISH THAT SHE TRIES TO HURT SOMEONE WHO MEANS SOO MUCH TO THE PERSON SHE "LOVES" INSTEAD OF LETTING HIM GO. SHE HURTS A PERSON THAT SHOULDN'T GET HURT MORE INSTEAD OF GIVING HIM THE LOVE HE DESERVES AND THAT MAKES ME REALLY DISLIKING HER IN THIS STORY.
ANOTHER PERSON THAT I DON'T LIKE AT SOME TIMES WAS CHANYEOL BECAUSE I AM STILL HOPING THAT IN ONE OF YOUR FUTURE CHAPTERS HE WILL FINALLY STAND UP TO HIS FATHER AND TELL HIM THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY A GIRL AND THAT SOMETIMES HUMAN BEINGS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN A STATUS, MONEY AND THE COMPANY EVEN THOUGH I UNDERSTAND THAT HE DOESN'T WANT ALL HIS EFFORTS TO BUILD THE COMPANY BEING WASTED BECAUSE THERE IS NO HEIR FOR THE COMPANY BUT MAYBE HE HAS TO LEARN TOO SOME THINGS IN THIS STORY.
I REALLY LIKE MOST OF YOUR CHARACTERS, EXPECT DARA BECAUSE SHE IS REALLY SELFISH THAT SHE TRIES TO HURT SOMEONE WHO MEANS SOO MUCH TO THE PERSON SHE "LOVES" INSTEAD OF LETTING HIM GO. SHE HURTS A PERSON THAT SHOULDN'T GET HURT MORE INSTEAD OF GIVING HIM THE LOVE HE DESERVES AND THAT MAKES ME REALLY DISLIKING HER IN THIS STORY.
ANOTHER PERSON THAT I DON'T LIKE AT SOME TIMES WAS CHANYEOL BECAUSE I AM STILL HOPING THAT IN ONE OF YOUR FUTURE CHAPTERS HE WILL FINALLY STAND UP TO HIS FATHER AND TELL HIM THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY A GIRL AND THAT SOMETIMES HUMAN BEINGS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN A STATUS, MONEY AND THE COMPANY EVEN THOUGH I UNDERSTAND THAT HE DOESN'T WANT ALL HIS EFFORTS TO BUILD THE COMPANY BEING WASTED BECAUSE THERE IS NO HEIR FOR THE COMPANY BUT MAYBE HE HAS TO LEARN TOO SOME THINGS IN THIS STORY.
THE AUTHOR'S MINDSET (37/40)
LOGICALLY (9/10) - EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE THE COTARD'S SYNDROME AND DON'T KNOW SOMEONE WHO HAS IT I STILL WAS ABLE TO FEEL AND UNDERSTAND THE EVENTS OF THE STORY AND THE BEHAVIOR OF THE CHARACTERS SO FAR.
ORIGINALITY (8/10) - IT IS A MIX OUT OF SOMETHING I ALREADY READ BECAUSE, TWO GUYS FALL IN LOVE SLOWLY BUT THERE ARE SOME HARDSHIPS TO SOLVE BEFORE THEY CAN BE TOGETHER HAPPILY BUT THE PART OF THE PLOT WITH THE DISEASE IS MORE ORIGIN AND MAKES THE STORY MORE INTERESTING.
TONE (5/5) - THE STORY HAS A HEAVY MOOD MOST OF THE TIME WITH A MIX OR FLUFF OR SCENES THAT ARE A BIT LIGHTER WHICH MAKE IT EASIER TO READ THE STORY BECAUSE I PERSONALLY FOUND IT HARD TO READ MORE THAN THREE OR FOUR CHAPTERS IN ONE GO BECAUSE THE MOOD KIND OF AFFECTED ME BUT THAT WAS ALSO A POINT THAT MADE YOUR STORY REALLY GOOD AND MADE ME LIKE IT.
NARRATION (5/5) - YOU WRITE THE STORY IN THE THIRD PERSON BUT YOU ARE STILL ABLE TO SHOW US WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE HEADS OF CHANYEOL AND BAEKHYUN. WE ARE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE THINKING AND WHY THEY ACT IN A WAY IN SOME MOMENTS WITHOUT GETTING CONFUSED BECAUSE YOU DON'T SWITCH THE POVS SUDDENLY. THIS MAKES IT EASIER TO FOLLOW THE STORIES PLOT TOO.
STORYLINE (10/10) - SO FAR IT IS AN REALLY PROMISING PLOT THAT GOT ME HOOKED SO I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. IT IS REALLY GOOD WRITTEN AND YOU SEEM TO THINK ABOUT YOUR PLOT AND THE DISEASE SERIOUSLY OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO WRITE ABOUT SUCH AN SERIOUS AND IMPORTANT THEME THAT GOOD. THE WAY YOU WRITE THIS STORY MAKES ME UNDERSTAND THE PERSON BAEKHYUN IS AND WHY HE IS ACTING THE WAY HE IS AND THAT HE NEVER CHOOSE TO HAVE THIS DISEASE AND THAT IF HE WOULD BE ABLE TO CHOOSE WE PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE CHOOSE TO LIVE LIKE THAT.
PROPER USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (23/25)
PROPER GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION (8/10) - ALL IN ALL THE GRAMMAR AND THE PUNCTUATION WAS GOOD BUT I HAVE THE FEELING THAT YOU HAVE SOME PROBLEMS WITH THE THIRD PERSON SINGULAR "S" BECAUSE IT IS SOMETIMES MISSING.
TERMINOLOGY (5/5) - YOUR VOCABULARY IS GOOD, YOU DON'T USE THE SAME SENTENCES AND WORDS TOO OFTEN BUT YOU ALSO DON'T USE WORDS A PERSON THAT IS NOT AN NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKER WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND AND HAS TO LOOK UP BEFORE UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN.
LANGUAGE BARRIER (10/10) - IT IS A STORY WRITTEN IN ENGLISH AND YOU STICK TO THIS FACT AND THAT IS REALLY GOOD. THERE ARE NO RANDOM EXCLAMATIONS OF "OPPA" OR OTHER KOREAN WORDS THAT ARE TOTALLY OUT OF THE CONTEXT.
REVIEWER'S ENJOYMENT (5/5)
YOUR STORY IS REALLY HEAVY TO READ BECAUSE OF ITS PLOT BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP ME FROM FALLING IN LOVE WITH IT. IT IS REALLY INTERESTING AND WELL WRITTEN THAT I WILL STICK TO CONTINUE TO READ IT. REALLY GOOD JOB HERE!
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