Title: (10/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) The chosen title is absolutely correct, because it is literally bound to the plot. Throughout the story characters struggle with surviving in the world where sudden virus broke out and turned people to zombies.
EYE-CATCHING (3/3) This combination of words grabs attention of readers, who love supernatural stories. It might appear as unappealing due to its length at first, but later it seems as if it is impossible to change the title, because it says everything necessary.
original (4/4) Among stories about zombies, this title does stand out without any doubt. It also could indicate to some readers that there is going to be quite a number of characters, which is true, because there are more than ten characters and it is more usual to have no more than five main characters.
story's foreword/description (8/10)
story's summary (5/5) Even though the summary is super short, it reveals a lot and lets readers know what they are about to get into. It is also wise to put short phrases or conversations of all the characters. There are twelve of them, so readers can get to know each of them a bit beforehand and it is very helpful.
appearance (3/5) The foreword looks a bit messy and too diverse in a bad way. The best thing about first page is how the poster and background match. The different fonts used for description and author notes are appreciated, because they emphasize the clear distinction between texts. Yet, these fonts collide head-on and from aesthetic point of view, it does not look good. The only suggestion would be quite simple – just change the fonts so they would look nice next to each other.
character development (4/5) What considers character development, it is not evident very much, but it is alright. The only puzzling thing is sudden change in Chanyeol’s character. To be precise, the most disturbing thing he did was coming at Baekhyun in the twentieth chapter. It was totally unexpected and irrational move of his. The given reason of revenge is understandable, but the way he decides to do it should be given a better thought.
characters relations (4/5) The way all characters interact is really good. There is clear line between them and how they behave and talk differently. It is very realistic since people not always like or dislike everybody. Also, the development of Beakhyun and Chen’s relationship was greatly built. It was created slowly, so in the end their confessions did not seem out of place
the author's mindset (32/40)
LOGICAL (6/10) The storyline is a bit off some times logic-wise. For example, in the fourth chapter, it was a little weird for a shower to be in a store. Then, in the sixth chapter, it was completely understandable that Kai wanted to take Tao together even after he was bitten, but for all guys to put the bitten person in the trunk of the car was even funny in a bad way. Also, in the tenth chapter, it was just very awkward how Baekhyun began smelling Kyungsoo. It was not just out of ordinary considering Baekhyun’s rather normal behavior, but it also must have made a lot of readers think “just… why?” The last and maybe the most important notice would be towards those survival camps. In the fourteenth chapter, it is mentioned that people are already dying from starvation even though it has been only one week since the deadly virus broke out and started turning people into zombies.
ORIGINAL (10/10) Although the plot was a bit illogical at some places, it was absolutely original. There are not many stories about zombie apocalypse, let alone fan fictions, where characters are based on kpop idols. Probably the most mesmerizing aspect of this storyline is the problem with survival camps, how north Koreans tricked south Koreans into coming to those places. Of course, it is a horrible event and unhuman act of people from the north, but anything is allowed in literature and such plot twist lets the story to have potential to be more than just an ordinary fan-fic.
TONE (5/5) The used tone in this story is accurate. Just like the story, it is mysterious, thrilling, and nervous.
NARRATION (3/5) The author is able to convey their ideas and thoughts into a good text, but the narration is not smooth enough, thus sometimes it becomes a bit bumpy.
STORYLINE (8/10) Considering everything that has been said already, the plot is okay. It is not very good, but at the same time it is not too far from it. With a bit of smoothing the corners, the story could become a really good and enjoyable one.
proper use of the english language (17/25)
grammar and punctuation (6/10)
There are grammar errors here and there and they distract from reading. Further are few of the mistakes displayed:
Ch 1 – “young boys' hair” should be “young boy’s hair;”
In “Have you have any ideas?” wrong question word is used, the sentence should look like this: “Do you have any idea?”
“universities parking lot” has to be “university’s parking lot,” because word “universities” is the plural form of university and it does not indicate dependence.
Ch 2 – “he was even surprised they shared him their food” is incorrect. The right choice of words is “he was surprised they even shared their food with him;”
Ch 3 – “I left home since two years ago when I started university” would sound much better if it was “I left home when I started university two years ago;”
Ch 5 – “There were two things he was lived for, street fighting and photo taking.” should be “There were two totally opposite things he lived for: fighting in streets and taking photos.” (“fighting in streets” could also be changed to a more literal alternative such as “causing trouble in streets”)
Ch 8 – “My father was a judge, my mother a lawyer. They were both lawyers. I come from a family full of legal representatives.” is a total mess. Here is a simpler way of saying all this information: “I grew up in a household of legal representatives. My mother was a lawyer, meanwhile my father even reached the judge’s position.”
vocabulary (3/5) It would be hard to say that the vocabulary is rich, but it is really alright. However, there were some places where wrong words were used or they made the sentence look very clumsy. For example:
Ch 1 – “the two brothers and one guy who had no family relation to the other two.” – “Both brothers and the new survival friend had no family relations to the other two;”
Ch 3 – “Color was coming back to their cheeks when their system was fed with food.” – “Having their stomachs finally fed, colour came back to their faces;”
Ch 11 – “Kyungsoo threw the clothes over his shoulder, walking to the toilet to shower.” – “Walking to the bathroom to have a shower, Kyungsoo threw his clothes over his shoulder.”
language barrier (8/10) The usage of Korean phrases was not overdone, but it did disturb from smooth reading. The phrases author put into the text could be easily avoided and they do not add up to the story at all. For instance, in the fifth chapter, there is such sentence “Arasso. I’ll tell Kai you’re sleeping.” If “arasso” was changed to “alright” or “okay,” it would be better. Same goes for such words as “aigoo,” “mwohae,” “babo hyung.”
Reviewer's enjoyment (2/5)
All in all, I personally did not enjoy this story to a fair extent. At first, I was really excited to read a story about zombies and there really were some interesting aspects in this narration, but still I would not go through all chapters for my own pleasure.
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