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Author: 1nw0nderland
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 1/01/16

Review Completion: 1/03/16
Story Link: Link
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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here)

Ending of chapter 3: The ending of chapter three, I'm not so sure how or what I should think of the feel of it, to be honest. It feels so incomplete and completely different from the previous two chapters. It didn't feel like a closure chapter, it felt more like another story smushed with the original and was just beginning. It's definitely a cliffhanger, but it's so different since we don't really know what happened. Where is Sehun in the end?Why is Tao dead and not Kris? Where is Faye? 

You reviewed one of my stories before!? I don't remember which one it was butl that's awesome xD 

Title: 7/10

Logical: 2/3

The title is actually the title of Sehun's book, in which he keeps a record of his previous murdered victims. Since the content of the book was never truly revealed or brought up to light, I can't say I feel like it really mattered to the original story at all. It had nothing to do with the story because the story is about how Faye goes on to change because of Sehun, but it wasn't like his book impacted her in the first place. I felt like Sehun's book would have been a good twist to the story but not being the title of the story. The story focus on Faye, not Sehun, and in the short time that she had known him, she was still a stranger to his activites. It doesn't make sense that his book title is the overall story title, since that's not the main focus. 

"Memories Of A Murderer" is gramatically incorrect, it should be "Memories of a Murderer". It's been said that any terms shorter than three letters after the first word  are usually not capitalized, unless necessary. Of course that doesn't mean that any word shorter than three isn't capitalized. 

Eye-catching: 1/3
It sounded vague and doesn't spark any interest. A murderer is still a person and people possesses memories, so it's a misleading the title. One can't really tell what the story is going to be about. Also, I don't look at the title and go 'whoa' or 'ohhhh'. It's a title that many readers will forget even if they remember the story. The title won't stick is my point. 
Original: 4/4
I would say the title itself is original. I haven't come across of one where the author would tie memories with a murderer. Mainly because murderers don't tend to care about those kind of memories, or at least that's the belief behind those kind of cases. 

Description/Foreword: 9/10

Summary: 5/5

The prologue was hooking to an extent, it made the readers question why her father was abusive and what did she do for him to accuse her of damaging his name. I loved how it opened as in the father wanted to feel like he has an authority over something or at least someone, thus he put all of his effort into showing it all at once, revealing how truly powerless he was. Usually the powerful like to fight against another powerful figure. Because fighting against someone a lot weaker than one is usually for self-satsifaction. Then I loved how it goes into the law that was created people like her, yet, she's not in the least protected.  
Appearance: 4/5
I have to say the changes of font isn't a bad idea, but the different sizes of each made the foreword and description messy. Readers may even prefer same font, same size, and just using 'italics' as the other, fancier text. 

Character Development/Showcasing: 6/10

Development: 4/5

Since the story was written with the narraration of Faye's perspective, I'd be discussing her development. Since there were very little development done on the rest of the other characters, even Sehun showed poor development.

Faye is a confusing character, at times she seems shy as she tend to stay away from a lot of situations she'd be uncomfortable with, but in other times she's very 'agressive' and as you said impassive.  In the beginning we got that she sort of gave up on people, she doesn't believe in things like the law, the kindness of people's hearts and definitely no remorse. As someone who was abused by a man her own life, I don't understand why she doesn't hate 'men' or why she isn't afraid of them, afraid that they will try to hurt her and dominate over her due to their given strength. I was even surprised at how 'comfortable' she seemed with Sehun. But still, I can't tell what kind of a person Faye is, at times it made sense, in other her reactions doesn't fit with the scene, thus she would appear more aggressive and even cold. Since the story is one shot, we rarely got to know her personality, there was some development when she indirectly thanked Sehun for killing her father, otherwise her father would have killed her. However, she claimed to the law that Sehun did not kill, thus Faye lied to the law as she doesn't trust it. It goes to show how much she really hated her father and how Sehun who managed to take him away was somewhat of a savor to Faye. 

 
Relation/Cast: 2/5
The four lead characters are Faye, Sehun, Tao, and Kris. I do not understand why Tao and Kris have to know Faye as a child. Isn't it too much of a coincident? Have Faye never been closed to Tao to even care about his position with the law? Tao is a character who cared for Faye, but doesn't show it. See, I don't understand why he didn't go to Faye first and tried to warn her of Sehun's bad background as any good friend would do first. It shows then that they may not have been as closed to one another as Tao let on. But I wasn't positive. As for Kris, who knew of Faye's father personality, it's surprising how he never fought to have Faye taken away fro an abusive father. It then leads to the question of who on earth was her father? What was his career, personality, or role other than him just being the abusive father? The four characters all had different roles, but their roles were poorly executed. Why did Sehun need to kill humans to restore his humanity? For what purpose did Sehun have to kill Faye's dad when he rarely knew the man, other than just being abusive? I mean does he feel much better once he has killed? Why would he kill asomeone for Faye? Just what was their relationship? 

Most of the characters felt flat since we rarely know much about them. We as a society is so immune to the term 'abusive parent' in stories that it doesn't immediately trigger our emotions. We'd rather learn how and why he was abusive? For exmaple, why did her father abuse her from such a young age? Or if  he used any weapon specifically to hurt her with? Was it to get back at her mother for cheating? We can't tell if her father had a reason at all. But we don't know any of that. Most of all we don't know who Sehun is. Like how is he finding these so called 'victims' of his? Did he kill just anyone who hurted other people? Why did he feel like it made him become even more of a better person than those he had killed? It's a little disappointing since his role was to change Faye, but instead he's more of a negative impact on her. I don't feel like he had changed her, it's more like he brought out the true Faye who's been hiding all this time. 

The relationship between all characters needs work. Bring out their roles and make us feel like we can at least understand them and their train of logic. 

Behind the Author's Mind: 34/40

Logical: 10/10

As I've mentioned I loved the idea behind the  story. A decent human being growing up and learning about the ways of the higher ups laws, yet never felt like it was created to do her any good. 
Original: 10/10
I thought it was interesting how a murderer was so closed to Faye, a girl who has lost her way, and even going to the extent to save her from her deepest nightmares. 
Tone: 4/5
The tone of the story is confusing because of the termonologies you used. I think you're trying to hard to impress readers with your knowledge of terms rather than writing in a smooth manner. At times I can't comprehend what you're trying to convey and instead is bothered by how many big, describing words is smushed together. At times your sentences flowed beautifully, but in other moments it stops the reader from understanding what was written. The tone however was indeed angsty due to the choppy sentences and words used. 

Narration: 4/5

Narration was well done. There were no random switch of POVs that threw readers off. However, try to be careful wehn switching between same-gendered parties, because then 'he this' and 'he that' becomes very confusing for the readers. 
Storyline: 6/10
I'm sure you're aware of the fast paced of the storyline as you did try to put 10-15 chapters into three. But that doesn't give an excuse to execute the story poorly. If you have spent more time telling us about the characters, rather than drowning us with meaningless continuation of what Faye's situation felt like, I believe the story would have been a lot better. 

By that, I'm referring to your circling of explaining the nature Faye was in. We get it, that she's not having the best life, but we don't really need to be reminded of what kind of nasty world she lived in with pretty words. Don't just tell us how trapped she was in the real world, instead try to show us. Why didn't she have anywhere else to go when Tao's hoe could have been an option? It's like Faye didn't care about her father, but she kept going back to where he is. Usually anyone in her position would want to run away, even if they had nowhere to go. There's always ways to hide around the other person. I mean isn't Faye a student at least? How about hiding at school? Or why doesn't she find any work just to stay away from home? 

There's a lot we do not know and many are also left to our imagination. But we can't image if there's not much information to feed off of. I'd say reveal a bit as to how Sehun write in his book or what were Faye's fathers intention was. It may or may not justify Faye's ill wish toward her father in the end. As the author I'm sure everything is crystal clear, but readers needs to know the minor details to at least get on the same page as you. We do not know what you do not put down, and only know what you've told us. 

Also I take it that Faye went on to kill Tao later on, right?

Proper Use of the English Language: 22/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 9/10

There were some minor errors spotted, but ost of all I'd suggest practicing your commas. There were many run on sentences that ould have used a comma or punctuation of some sort to strengthen the message of the text. (http://www.businessinsider.com/a-guide-to-proper-comma-use-2013-9) Otherwise your knowledge in the English language isn't completely horrible, I'm sure with proofreading you may be able to catch some of the errors., such as forgetting a word, poor sentence structure, or misplacement of a term. 

Termonology: 3/5
I've pointed this out already, your chosen terms isn't completely incorrect, but it ruin the flow and pace of the story. Most of your terms are considered big words to many readers here as majority are not natives in the English language. Instead of reading the chapters and story in one go, viewers may be looking up terms and such instead. Using big words isn't a bad thing, but too much of anything isn't good. (Especially if another easier read word would have been a better choice). However, consider the readers, your audience, next time and write using smoother terms. If you get what I mean. 

For example, in your author's note at the end of chapter three, it was super easy to understand you. But the writing style of the story do throw off readers. It's also difficult to read when you as the author uses big terms, but then the dialogue between characters are downed down to super basic, everyday words. 

Language Barrier: 10/10
No random Korean expressions or anything else. Perfect score here. 

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 3/5
I really adore the story's plot and especially the importance of Sehun's book. I just wished more of it was shown so we could have gotten a gist of who he was and his true intention. I wanted to enjoy this story much more but it was such a draggy long one shot since you focused more on the dramatic appeal of the story.

I hope this was at least helpful. I tend to ramble when reviewing since I just write out my thoughts accordingly, so feel free to ask if anything doesn't make sense. This story has potential, I'm sure with a few tweaks here and there, it'd make one of the best one shot on here. 

Total Points: 81/100 (Please let us know on how we're doing by voting on our poll on the front page. Your feedback is much appreciated!)