The Invisible Dictionary - kukunoona

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Author: kukunoona
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 12/25/15

Review Completion: 12/25/15
Story Link: Link
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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here)

- This is an important plot point but i don't know if people get it or not so i wanna ask you, why do you think I used big words (gelid, throng, immaculate) to describe simple things such as rain, crowd, and white room?

 

Honestly I think this reveals something about Jeonghan we don't know and sometime we can all relate to. Words, one word can have multiple defintion depending on which site and source you got the definition from. But either way they'll all have the same meaning and only different wordings. I think you using such large words was to also reveal to us that one thing we don't know, and that is what does Jeonghan does for a living. We know he's an executive who works for some company that is collaborating with a hospital. I believe you want to show us that Jeonghan lives in that kind of world, where he deals with large vocabulary that most people don't tend to use or care for. But then there's love, and everyone uses it differently and it's all based on emotions, but Jeonghan was able to make the overused word into something only his own. He's a smart guy. 

 

And sometimes even the simplier things are harder to grasps and understand than those that appear bigger, and scarier. Not only did I thought this revealed some things about Jeonghan but it's also to educate the readers, I'm sure 50% of your readers may not be familiar with those terms. But now they can leave learning a few new words that conclude simplier words, all in one. 

 

Also if I think about it, those three words associate with Jisoo. Jisoo probably spend everyday with Jeonghan but the burnett hair man only remembered their rainy days together, as it's raining again but Jisoo isn't really by mentally by his side. The crowd may have to do with the hospital and its large population there. Then lastly the white room, Jisoo who's not very fond of dull colors is laying unconciously in a white room. Lastly, when Jisoo began slipping away, Jeonghan goes back to thinking about love and what was it's true definition. There, Jeonghan came up with his own but that was also the end of Jisoo's life. So if I look at it, it's a build up, from when Jisoo was still healthy to his last days. 

 

 

Review

 

Title: 10/10

Logical: 3/3

It makes sense and it ties extremely well with the story itself. It's so like us, people, to create our own definition of words and so i thought this was a good choice of a title. 
Eye-catching: 3/3
To some the title may sound uninteresting, non-romantic, or dull, but it's undeniable that the title is an eye-catcher. Anyone may click on the story to see what it's about base on the title alone. 
Original: 4/4
Very original. The title itself can give anyone an idea of what the story is about, but I believe the title is quite new and refreshing. 

Description/Foreword: 10/10

Summary: 5/5

The summary was short, simple, right to the point and most of all it pointed readers to the story rather than giving anything away. The usage of three different definition of love made it even better.  
Appearance: 5/5
As I said it's short, simple, clean, and straightforward. Nothing hurtful to the eye whatsoever. 


Character Development/Showcasing: 10/10

Development: 5/5

As the story is one-shot, the only time we can discuss development is from the beginning to end and the flashbacks (if we get any). In this case we could see how Jeonghan has changed, as he was a kid who probably upsetted his parents but is fully aware of their love. Growing up with love and being able to say he love a girl, to boys, it's courageous. But then he witness the sight of his lover kissing another man and thus grew cold toward any love, until he finally accepted Jisoo. We don't know how, but we discover at the end that he was still someone who needed and knew love, as he goes on to creating hiw own definition of love. That's the development I saw in Jeonghan. As for Jisoo we know very little about him other than he had been in some sort of a coma for about three months due to an accident. 
Relation/Cast: 5/5
The relationship of the cast flowed naturally. Though we don't know a lot about them, we know that they truly loved each other and meant a lot to one another. I think that's the best any author can do for a romance one-shot. 


Behind the Author's Mind: 40/40

Logical: 10/10

The story was logically well done. You've touched on the importance of the story's plot without giving us overwhelming and unneccsary information. 
Original: 10/10
I've read a few stories where one character eventually goes into coma of some sort, as well as seen too many dramas of the same genre. But this story was none like the others, it was emotionally draining as your writing style really enhances each character's expressions. We as readers were able to feel their love.
Tone: 5/5
The tone of the story was smooth and thorough. 

Naration: 5/5

I think if this story was written in Jeonghan's POV it wouldn't have left the same impact as third person POV did. So I was extremely hopeful with that. 
Storyline: 10/10
From the beginning, the first few lines had me in love with the story. Though I sort of wonder what was the deal with Hansol and why he was black? Wouldn't a black cat be dull to Jisoo? Or does he have some colors on him? Either way, I thought the plot was well done with the application of different terms and definition as well. This kind of story has no twist nor does it need one, so the ending was predictable, but it's still a good ending nonetheless. 


Proper Use of the English Language: 24.5/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 9.5/10

Very minor errors like forgetting a letter "trip" was spelled as "tip" and leaving out punctuations once in a while. Some proof-reading will get those solve. 
Termonology: 5/5
The variety of words used and applied to the story was brilliant. Each word made the story that much of a better read and it represented each scene flawlessly well. 
Language Barrier: 10/10
Everything was in English and flowed perfectly. 


General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 5/5
I enjoyed the story a lot. There were probably a lot more meanings behind the story but I had probably miss them since this was such a thoughful and well planned storyline. 

 

Total Points: 99.5/100 (Please let us know on how we're doing by voting on our poll on the front page. Your feedback is much appreciated!)

 

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Comments

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WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#1
One more thing. I know the Description and the forward are super long. But I planned this story to be like a Novella/Soap Opera.
It may seem like I'm giving away to much in the Description and The Forward, but as you realize you might notice that I haven't.
There are three main parts to this story:
The Past-Childhood
The Past- Orphans/Teens
The Present- The main setting, in which the forward revealed nothing.

I'm an interactive author, meaning I ask questions at the end and leave hints here and there for the readers to try there best at guessing. (They become more invested in my story this way, lol)
WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#2
-Username : WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
-Profile link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/49463

- Story title : Love Me Right
- Story link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/976222/love-me-right-mpreg-hunhan-taoris-kaisoo-sulay-chanbaek-chenmin

-Genre : OT12, Angst, Mpreg, Fluff, Comedy, Growth, Friendship, Life, and "LEARNING TO LOVE"

- On-going | To be a long fic.

- Reviewer : KaihleeLo

- So The title of the fic is "Love Me Right", but it has nothing to do with the EXO song; even though some would just assume. The reason why I titled it 'Love Me Right' is because 6 of the main characters suffered in their childhood and eventually were orphaned. They don't know how to let themselves love. In particular, Luhan. As for the other 6 'Love' and 'Lust' are two different things.

- So before you read, I would like to point out, that the pacing of the story and the built up is exactly how I planned. I don't want to rush Romance because you don't 'fall in love' over night, and the characters need to mature. Also, there is a pattern to my chapters "The Past" chapters are essentially flashbacks. "The Present" is taking place now. For every 5 "The Present" chapters, it will be followed by 2 "The Past" chapters; Childhood/Teen years.

- I have a reader who offered to proofread my chapters since I had some typos, and I don't have the time to go back and fix them. "I always update between 12 am - 5 am, so that is the main reason". She is still editing the earlier chapters so please realize I am fixing the errors.


Oh gosh this was a lot. I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous, and I wanted to explain the above before you review.
-Tigress-
#3
Chapter 127: Hey can I have someone send me my review here so I can save it?
This archive is non-selectable so I can't save it myself.