Wayward Footsteps - prettydamnwicked
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prettydamnwicked
REQUEST ON: 3/22/17
REVIEWER: BLACKROSESTEARS
FINISHED ON: 3/24/17
SCORE: 93/100
TITLE: (10/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - Though we are still at the beginning of the story, I can see some loose connections between the plot and the title of the story.
EYE-CATCHING (3/3) - It is definitely eye-catching as it is an interesting title with a meaning behind it that it is hard to tell just by looking at it.
ORIGINAL (4/4) - Your title is really original as there are no other stories with the same or a similar title at all.
STORY'S FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION (10/10)
STORY'S SUMMARY (5/5) - Though it is a pretty short summary of the story. I liked it because it gives us a rough information of the plot and doesn't reveal too much. It is also appealing because you can't help but wonder what exactly happened between the two main characters that they ended up like this.
APPEARANCE (5/5) - Your foreword is really organized, it doesn't confuse the reader and isn't all over the place either.
CHARACTERS/CASTS (10/10)
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (5/5) - We as the main character seem to be a pretty cold. So far, it feels like we are doing everything so nobody would be able to tell how we are actually feeling inside. It is like we are walking around with a mask and only our friend knows how we are feeling. It was actually a surprise that we have a friend in your story because we don't really seem like a person that puts some effort in relations with other people. And though there are only four chapters so far, I can already see us growing as we realize that we didn't move on but instead held a grudge against Taehyung.
CHARACTER'S RELATIONS (5/5) - so far the interactions between your characters were good as we are a businesswoman that is really focused so it was nice though a bit cold how we are dealing with her partners. Also, our interaction with Taehyung makes sense as he really hurt us in the past and it makes sense how we are still hurt and don't want to talk to Taehyung and don't take him back just like that.
THE AUTHOR'S MINDSET (38/40)
LOGICALLY (10/10) - The story is pretty relatable as many people know how it is when you end up with a broken heart.
ORIGINALITY (10/10) - It is original in its own way as you deal with the plot in your own way.
TONE (5/5) - The tone of the chapters was really good. I liked how it felt pretty monochrome at the start as you described the everyday life of our character that really is the same most of the time and then how it changed with the appearance Taehyung it starts to slowly change as he does things she can't really control.
NARRATION (3/5) - so, though you stay with the POV of our character in the third person which was good, I honestly would have thought it would be better if it was the first person. Because like that it was a bit hard for me to feel a connection to this character that should be the person that is reading the story. It didn't feel personal, not like we are this character.
STORYLINE (10/10) - So far, the story is still at its beginning but I really liked the start. The differences between the times before and after Taehyung appeared once again in the life of the main character. It is nice to see right from the start how they were two pretty different characters but still were in love and wanted to be together. I really liked how there are short parts of the past and a flashback of their relationship because it shows how huge the impact of Taehyung leaving the main character was. Then the main character who is normally cold and doesn't show much emotion suddenly starts to show something, she shows that she is angry and that she is indeed feeling something after Taehyung appeared once again. And I am really curious whether Taehyung will tell the main character why he was acting like he doesn't know her and only started to take action after she was trying to talk to him.
The only thing that was a bit confusion for me was that Jimin and Taehyung are friends, really good friends, and the main character and Taehyung were a couple for years, so why doesn't Jimin know about their relationship? I mean even though you don't meet your friends every single day, something important like that should be told.
PROPER USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (22/25)
PROPER GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION (7/10) - There are some small mistakes that can easily be corrected. Here are some examples:
They all bowed one by one upon seeing you even when they were aware that you would not acknowledge them back, all of it had came together as a routine. → It should be the past participle form: come
At first some of the new comers tend to find you as indifferent, but they all eventually adapted. → After "At First" should be a comma because it is an introductory prase. Then Newcomers is one word: Newcomers.
You silently, desperately wished during that short instance that he would regret his own actions and walk back to continue his vows, but he never did. → Wish for something.
Your chin trembled like a child's as you sobbed, resting your forehead onto the steering wheel as you hit it with your fists in exasperation. → forehead on the steering wheel...
You can correct these and the other mistakes on your own a day or two after you finished the chapter or look for a beta-reader.
TERMiNOLOGY (5/5) - There was no disturbing overuse of phrases or words.
LANGUAGE BARRIER (10/10) - I didn't see an overuse of Korean.
REVIEWER'S ENJOYMENT (3/5)
Overall I did enjoy reading your story so far. I liked the plot and that the main character doesn't forgive taehyung just like that. I really hope that you will keep on including flashbacks because I liked how they showed the big difference between today and back then when they were a couple. Your writing style is nice too because you describe the surroundings and the emotions pretty well.
As a person that doesn't really read stories with "You" as the main character, I have to admit that it was hard for me to feel a connection on this base to the character not only because of the third person but also because you describe her as successful and beautiful that people are envious of her and this makes it harder for me to relate to her because I don't think of myself as beautiful or anything like that. But I didn't take away points above for that because it is just something I personally feel.
As a person that doesn't really read stories with "You" as the main character, I have to admit that it was hard for me to feel a connection on this base to the character not only because of the third person but also because you describe her as successful and beautiful that people are envious of her and this makes it harder for me to relate to her because I don't think of myself as beautiful or anything like that. But I didn't take away points above for that because it is just something I personally feel.
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