Prefection - KillerGal

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KILLERGAL
REQUEST ON: 9/19/15
REVIEWER: BLACKROSESTEARS
FINISHED ON: 9/25/15
SCORE: 94/100
TITLE: (5/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - THROUGH THE WHOLE STORY I WAS ABLE TO SEE THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THE TITLE AND YOUR STORY AND ITS PLOT.
EYE-CATCHING (1/3) - IT IS EYE-CATCHING BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT IS NOT. YOUR TITLE IS NOT ORIGINAL BUT THERE ARE MANY WAYS WHEN IT COMES TO THE MEANING OF THE TITLE BECAUSE PERFECTION CAN MEAN MANY THINGS BUT STILL I CAN'T SAY IF I WOULD HAVE READ YOUR STORY WITHOUT THE REVIEW REQUEST.
ORIGINAL (1/4) - AS I ALREADY MENTIONED THERE ARE MANY OTHER STORIES WITH THE SAME TITLE AS YOUR STORY. THE TITLE MAY FIT THE STORY VERY WELL BUT IT DIDN'T REALLY MADE ME CURIOUS ABOUT YOUR STORY.
 
STORY'S FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION (10/10)
STORY'S SUMMARY (5/5) - YOUR DESCRIPTION HOOKED ME UP, AFTER READING IT I JUST WANTED TO START TO READ YOUR STORY RIGHT AWAY BECAUSE YOUR DESCRIPTION IS SHORT AND DOESN'T REVEAL TOO MUCH BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT MADE ME CURIOUS ABOUT THE PLOT AND WHAT KIND OF PERSON KAI IS AND WHY BAEKHYUN WANTS A PORTRAIT MADE BY KAI.
APPEARANCE (5/5) - EVERYTHING IS ORGANIZED AND LOOKS PRETTY GOOD, I GIVE YOU CREDITS ESPECIALLY FOR YOUR TALENT TO MANAGE TO MAKE YOUR FOREWORD APPEALING.
 
CHARACTERS/CASTS (10/10)
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (5/5) - I THINK YOUR CHARACTERS DIDN'T REALLY CHANGE THROUGH THE STORY. SEHUN WASN'T A REALLY IMPORTANT PERSON, HE IS A FRIEND OF KAI THAT SELLS THE OTHERS WORK. HE DOESN'T REALLY SEE HOW HIS FRIEND LOOKS ON THE INSIDE. KAI IS A PERSON THAT WEARS A MASK, HE DOESN'T REALLY SHOW HIS TRUE FEELINGS AND HOW BROKEN HE ACTUALLY IS (HE SEEMS TO BE BROKEN IN A WAY FOR ME). HE WANTS TO MAKE HIS ART TO BE PERFECT BUT HE KIND OF KNOWS THAT HE WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO BE PERFECT. ALL IN ALL WITH ALL THE TIME THAT PASSED BY HE DESTROYED HIMSELF BECAUSE HE IS LONELY AND DOESN'T TALK TO OTHERS ABOUT HIS FEELINGS AND WHAT HE REALLY THINKS, LIKES ETC.
BAEKHYUN WAS FOR ME A PERSON I AM NOT SURE IF I SHOULD LIKE HIM OR NOT BECAUSE I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT HE WOULD DIE BUT AFTER THE END OF THE STORY IT TURNED OUT THAT IT WAS ALL JUST SOME KIND OF ACT TO GET THE PORTRAIT MADE BY KAI BUT BECAUSE WE DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY HE DID THIS I CAN'T SAY I LIKE OR DON'T LIKE HIM BECAUSE I HAD THE THOUGHT THAT HE MAYBE WANTS TO SELL  IT HIMSELF TO GET MONEY TO BUY THINGS BECAUSE OF THE SCENE IN THE SHOP WHERE HE DIDN'T HAD ENOUGH MONEY BUT THEN THERE WOULDN'T BE A REASON TO WANT A PORTRAIT, EVERY OTHER KIND OF PICTURE WOULD HAVE BEEN OKAY TOO.
CHARACTER'S RELATIONS (5/5) - THERE ARE NO REAL RELATIONS BETWEEN YOUR CHARACTERS BECAUSE KAI AND SEHUN ARE FRIENDS BUT I DIDN'T' REALLY HAD A FEELING THAT SEHUN CARES FOR THE OTHER BECAUSE WHENEVER THEY WERE TOGETHER IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH KAI PAINTING SOMETHING AND SEHUN SELLING IT.
AND THEN I DON'T THINK THAT THERE IS A REAL RELATION BETWEEN BAEKHYUN AND KAI TOO BECAUSE THEY ATE TOGETHER AND KAI FELT SOMETHING FOR HIM THAT HE PROBABLY NEVER FELT BEFORE BUT FOR BAEKHYUN I CAN'T REALLY TELL IF THERE ARE ANY FEELINGS FOR THE OTHER. BUT I LIKE HOW THERE ARE NO SIMPLE LOVE/HATE RELATIONS BUT SOMETHING MORE COMPLICATED.
 
THE AUTHOR'S MINDSET (39/40)
LOGICALLY (10/10) - I THINK YOUR STORY MAKES TOTALLY SENSE BECAUSE THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD THAT ARE SIMILAR TO KAI AND WILL BE ABLE TO RELATE TO THIS STORY AND I PERSONALLY LOVED THE PLOT AND HOW YOU WROTE IT.
ORIGINALITY (10/10) - I CAN'T SAY FOR SURE HOW ORIGINAL THIS PLOT IS BUT I NEVER READ A STORY WHICH SUCH A PLOT BEFORE AND I AM SO HAPPY THAT I READ THIS STORY BECAUSE THE PLOT IS INTERESTING AND ORIGINAL.
TONE (5/5) - FOR ME THE STORY HAD A DARKER VIBE THEN THE STORY I NORMALLY READ BUT IT WAS NOT ANGST. IT IS HARD TO  EXPLAIN BUT IT KIND OF FELT LIKE IT IS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED IN REAL LIFE THE WAY YOU WROTE IT.
NARRATION (5/5) - YOU WROTE THE STORY IN THE THIRD PERSON AND YOU CHOSE TO DO IT LIKE THIS THROUGH THE WHOLE STORY BUT AT THE SAME TIME WE WERE ABLE TO GET TO KNOW KAI BETTER THAN JUST A BYSTANDER BECAUSE YOU WROTE ABOUT HIS THOUGHTS AND I REALLY LIKED IT LIKE THAT.
STORYLINE (9/10) - THE PLOT OF THE STORY IS GREAT! YOU DESCRIBE THE WHOLE STORY REALLY DETAILED AND SHOW THAT KAI CAN HAVE AS MUCH MONEY AS HE WANTS BUT HE WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO BE HAPPY WITH IT BECAUSE HE WANTS SOMETHING MORE THAN MONEY. KAI WANTS HIS PICTURES TO BE PERFECT BUT FOR HIM THEY WILL NEVER BE PERFECT BECAUSE HE CAN'T REACH PERFECTION, THE TITLE OF THE STORY MAKES TOTALLY SENSE WITH THE STORY BECAUSE OF THE IMPORTANCE OF PERFECTION FOR KAI. IT WAS WELL WRITTEN AND INTERESTING HOW YOU DESCRIBE EVERYTHING AND HOW BAEKHYUN APPEARED. HOW EVERYTHING TURNED OUT THE WAY IT IS THAT KAI STILL DREW THE PORTRAIT FOR BAEKHYUN EVEN THOUGH HE TOLD HIM MORE THAN ONCE THAT HE WON'T. IN THE END IT ALSO MADE TOTALLY SENSE WHY BAEKHYUN WAS IN THIS SHOP AND THAT AT ONE POINT KAI COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. THE ONLY THING THAT CONFUSED ME A BIT WERE THESE "FLASHBACKS" OF KAIS PAST WITH THIS OTHER KID WHICH I AM NOT SURE IF YOU MEANT BAEKHYUN TOO BECAUSE THE ONE MOMENT I HAD THE FEELING THAT THEY KNOW EACH OTHER BUT THE NEXT I WAS NOT SO SURE ANYMORE.
 
PROPER USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (25/25)
PROPER GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION (10/10) - GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION WAS REALLY GOOD, I DIDN'T FIND ANY MAJOR MISTAKES.
TERMONOLOGY (5/5) - YOUR VOCABULARY IS GOOD, YOU DON'T USE THE WORDS TOO OFTEN OR START YOUR SENTENCES THE SAME. 
LANGUAGE BARRIER (10/10) - THE STORY DIDN'T HAD A LANGUAGE BARRIER THAT WOULD MAKE IT HARD TO READ IT OR WOULD CONFUSE AND RANDOM CHANGE FROM ONE INTO THE OTHER LANGUAGE.
 
REVIEWER'S ENJOYMENT (5/5)
I REALLY ENJOYED READING YOUR STORY BECAUSE THE PLOT WAS INTERESTING AND UNIQUE. YOUR WRITING STYLE IS PRETTY GOOD AND EASY TO READ. BESIDES THIS ONE THING I MENTIONED IN THE STORYLINE SECTION EVERYTHING WAS REALLY GOOD AND ONCE I STARTED READING YOUR STORY I JUST COULDN'T STOP UNTIL I ARRIVED AT THE END.
REALLY GOOD JOB!
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WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#1
One more thing. I know the Description and the forward are super long. But I planned this story to be like a Novella/Soap Opera.
It may seem like I'm giving away to much in the Description and The Forward, but as you realize you might notice that I haven't.
There are three main parts to this story:
The Past-Childhood
The Past- Orphans/Teens
The Present- The main setting, in which the forward revealed nothing.

I'm an interactive author, meaning I ask questions at the end and leave hints here and there for the readers to try there best at guessing. (They become more invested in my story this way, lol)
WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#2
-Username : WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
-Profile link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/49463

- Story title : Love Me Right
- Story link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/976222/love-me-right-mpreg-hunhan-taoris-kaisoo-sulay-chanbaek-chenmin

-Genre : OT12, Angst, Mpreg, Fluff, Comedy, Growth, Friendship, Life, and "LEARNING TO LOVE"

- On-going | To be a long fic.

- Reviewer : KaihleeLo

- So The title of the fic is "Love Me Right", but it has nothing to do with the EXO song; even though some would just assume. The reason why I titled it 'Love Me Right' is because 6 of the main characters suffered in their childhood and eventually were orphaned. They don't know how to let themselves love. In particular, Luhan. As for the other 6 'Love' and 'Lust' are two different things.

- So before you read, I would like to point out, that the pacing of the story and the built up is exactly how I planned. I don't want to rush Romance because you don't 'fall in love' over night, and the characters need to mature. Also, there is a pattern to my chapters "The Past" chapters are essentially flashbacks. "The Present" is taking place now. For every 5 "The Present" chapters, it will be followed by 2 "The Past" chapters; Childhood/Teen years.

- I have a reader who offered to proofread my chapters since I had some typos, and I don't have the time to go back and fix them. "I always update between 12 am - 5 am, so that is the main reason". She is still editing the earlier chapters so please realize I am fixing the errors.


Oh gosh this was a lot. I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous, and I wanted to explain the above before you review.
-Tigress-
#3
Chapter 127: Hey can I have someone send me my review here so I can save it?
This archive is non-selectable so I can't save it myself.