NOTE: Two chapters - on-going

(4/10) Title: The title was litteraly the biggest spoiler ever that it made it onto my list of "The title was litteraly the biggest spoiler ever." Also it was too long, so long that I had to change the original font size of the headline above. This is just my opinion though, I want a story where the title will lure me in whereas someone else could want it to be straightforward so they know what they're reading. 

(6/10) Character: First of all, in the beginning of episode one you have a legend so I know whose initails represent who and that was very well appreciated. However you used HR as Hyerin but later on you switched to HY.

And who's E? I thought it stood for Everyone at first but why would the audience introduce the show.. 

Because there's only one episode so far, I can't give much reviews on how I view them. But when I read the little hints that Daeun gave she sounded like a real troll. Like how she kept on saying "I'm waiting for you to find me~" 

(5/10) Originality: I've come across so many We Got Married fanfics already to the point where when I received this as a request I almost flipped my table. But I don't mind reading yours, because your story is new and I can't judge yet with only one chapter. So keep updating and maybe I'll tune in to see the progress! 

(23/40) Storyline/Plot: I understand that because there's only one chapter you have to basically squish everything in to make it fit, but your pace is too quick. Because you formatted the story as if it was a script, I would've expected the chapter to be longer. If you didn't have the layout as just dialogue and character actions, and you wrote it as an actually story then the holes below would've been easily filled. 

For example when Sehun arrived at Quicky's(by the way is this a bubble tea place?) the two of them sat down and Daeun handed Sehun a Taro drink, a drink that they always had when they were together. Did she just randomly have the drink in her hands because she had the power to see in the future? Or did she just coincidentally have the drink because of her past with Sehun, it just became her favorite drink? And if the drink was originally hers, then she gave him her drink? Where's her drink then? Or did she just order two Taro drinks because she was going to make her husband drink it whether he liked it or not?  

If I read a story, I should have questions about the cliff hanger, the spoiler at the end. Not random questions during the middle of the chapter. 

(20/25) Grammar/Errors: Since English is your first language I graded rougher than a person that has English as their second language. 

Exmaples from Chapter One; I don't really like stories that fuse Korean language into randomly, so that deducted some errors points. This is an English website, if you wanted to have Korean in it then write the whole thing in Korean. Otherwise the MC's could introduce themselves like "Good (time period)! I'm the y dancer from 2eyes, Hyerin at your service!" or "Hello! I'm EXO's deer, Luhan!" 

Something mainly seen in your mistakes is comma placements. I've also included a correction side and a suggestion one, and all of this is in chronological order. 

Original: LH: Before, we do let's just tell the viewers that all of us don't know who the couples is. So, we will be expecting the unexpected. Okay? But there will be a video revealing one of the spouses. Understand?

Correction: Before we do let's just tell the viewers that all of us don't know who the couple is. So, we will be expecting the unexpected. Okay? But there will be a video revealing the spouse. Understand?

Suggestion: Before we do let's just tell the viewers that all of us don't know who the couple is. So, we will be expecting the unexpected. However there will be a video revealing the spouse. Understand?

Note: Because you are only focusing on Daeun and Sehun, there shouldn't be more than one spouse and there shouldn't be more than one couple. 

Original: The camera crew opened and entered the dance room too reveal Kai, Lay, Tao, and Sehun practicing 'Growl'.

Correction: The camera crew opened and entered the dance room to reveal Kai, Lay, Tao, and Sehun practicing 'Growl'.

Suggestion: The camera crew opened the door and entered the dance room to reveal Kai, Lay, Tao, and Sehun practicing the choreography to 'Growl'.

Original: Once, all the members noticed the cameras they were all curious of way they were here. 

Correction: Once all the members noticed the cameras they were all curious of way they were here.

Original: Once, the whole paper was out of the envelope they Kai started to read it.

Correction: Once the whole paper was out of the envelope Kai started to read it. 

Original: Once, Sehun was done reading the letter he looked at his hyungs they were all excited that the maknae will be getting married. 

Correction: Once Sehun was done reading the letter he looked at his hyungs, they were all excited that the maknae will be getting married. 

Note: If I've made a mistake myself or you think the correction isn't needed or right, comment down below so I can fix it or explain it to you. 

(4/5) Overall Enjoyment: The cliff hanger at the end was just like how the real We Got Married series would be, so I give you extra points. 

(62/100) Points Total

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:

Plot line: The thought of high school friends that were separated due to work, but go down the same road and end up marrying each other through a program is quite unique.

Grammar: Where you put your commas is mostly what's wrong with your grammar. Some mistakes here and there but they don't affect your story too much. 

Honest opinion: I wouldn't read this story if it was advertised on my wall unless I was able to read and visibly see it. In this case, I'm only able to hear it. 

Grading: Overall, you grade added up to 62 out of 100.

*I have some advice only if you are discouraged by this score. 

If you're upset about the low score, than don't write on AsianFanFics anymore. I know this sounds really harsh, but I want you to understand that I'm only one person that's giving a review on one chapter. There could be a crowd of people that will one day come across your story and bash on it, or there could be a group of people that love your fanfic. If one person is going to effect what you like doing, then ignore them, alright? Keep on writing, keep on creating, you'll make it big one day. 

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