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Author: misslulufats
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 1/06/16

Review Completion: 1/06/16
Story Link: Link
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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here) 

-I really don't kbow... anywhere you want to focus? :D and I want to know if it's an okay oneshot ?

Is it an okay oneshot? Absolutely, there was a story and conflict in it despite it being only 5k words. 

Title: 9.5/10

Logical: 3/3

For the purpose of proper English, the title should be written as "In Your Safe Haven" not "In your safe haven". The title matches the story, as we read the story we see that haven is being refer to Kris's haven where Luhan felt safe in, but at the same time it was Kris who was safe in the haven Luhan had shown him. The title also matches with the genre of the story and really brings out that 'beauty' and artistic side of it. 
Eye-catching: 3/3
The title is beautiful and it would catch the attention of ers for romance and even tragedy. It's the kind of title that pulls you toward the book no matter what. 
Original: 3.5/4
As far as originality goes, I felt that it was quite common for fantasy, romance-focus stories to use words such as haven or safe haven. But you were able to do the title and story justice with one another. 

Description/Foreword: 10/10

Summary: 5/5

The summary was very short and intridging. It draws in the attention of any bypasser and creates an 'oh?' interest. It did give away the idea that Luhan was the white horse, but it would make readers want to read why or how is Luhan a white horse in the first place. 
Appearance: 5/5
Very easy to follow and it's not busy whatsoever, so kudos there!

Character Development/Showcasing: 10/10

Development: 5/5

As far as character development goes we saw how Luhan went from being afraid of Yifan to being unafraid of anything and everything for Yifan. Due to what he saw or was given by Yifan, he was able to give up on anything for Yifan and Ying. Yifan, was a lad who only cared for his sister and their old horse thus he didn't bother to get another horse, but in the end he treasured Luhan just as much. Ying developed indirectly, in this I mean she grew as a character without the author telling us how or why. We can see that Ying and Yifan went from being afraid of losing another horse if they hapen to get another one, thus they never tried to get one. However, Ying goes to love Luhan despite being afraid of losing him as a horse. In the end we see that Yifan and Ying lost Luhan, but it didn't stop them from loving horses just because they already lost Siwan and was losing Luhan. In a way we can say they accepted that their loved ones would sort of come and go. 
Relation/Cast: 5/5
I was glad to see that the cast was kept small, that way we got to know more of the three characters Yifan, Luhan, and Ying. 

Behind the Author's Mind: 37/40

Logical: 10/10

The plot of the story is logial for a fantasy story, in fact it's not uncommon that a person can transform into an animal or vice versa. 
Original: 9/10
Originality is key in stories, and though yours were based off of the heard of fantasy, romance genres, you were able to still make it your own story with the little twists and used of characters. 
Tone: 5/5
The tone of the story was consitent and thorough throughout. 

Narration: 5/5

The narration of the story was told from Yifan's POV throughout the whole story so it was easy to understand him as we saw through his eyes. However, I was curious how Luhan saw things and how differently it would have been if the story was told by his POV. I think it would be interesting.  
Storyline: 8/10
I wished we knew more about Luhan in order to empathize with him. For example we don't know why he turned into a horse at eight at night or when he turned into a human exactly. Or why he even turn for that matter. I was also curious why his dad would come looking and revealing that Luhan was both a horse and man, it was somewhat strange. He sounded too confident that Yifan had Luhan that it felt unrealistic? But the fact that I caught was how Luhan's father was threatening even a little girl, so it goes to show just how cruel and careless he was toward Luhan, let alone children. So though I thought that was a bit unbelievable, I found that it did well with giving us a clue as to how Luhan's dad was. 

Other than not knowing too much about Luhan, I loved how there was the build of conflict. As we're approaching the scene we see that Luhan gave himself up for Yifan and Ying, and there I sort of went "of course, the cliche of them surrendinger themselves to the bad guys...." but then the moment Luhan called him 'father' it had me good. I never saw that coming.

In fact, I'm still questioning why his father would have had him who's a half horse and half human man, so....I suggest filling the readers in on that. Is his father also a horse...?

Proper Use of the English Language: 24/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 9/10

There were a few minor errors, nothing to major to disturb the pace of the read though. Sentence structure is probably your only weakness, otherwise the rest doesn't stand out. However, I'd like to point out one thing, many authors tend to write it incorrectly but it should be 10 year old and not ten years old. It could be ten years if you were using it as a verb construct, but because you're using 'year old' as an adjective then it's 10 year old. 

A ten year old boy v.s. The boy that is ten years.  

The first few sentences were run on sentences so I suggest going back to add that comma or dash so that it could flow more emotionally. Because those pauses do make it more dramatic. 

Termonology: 5/5
Your knowledge of vocabularies was not an issue at all. I enoyed it even when it doesn't have a lot of beautiful big termologies to do its storytelling. 

Language Barrier: 10/10
No random usage of Korean expression so good job here!

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 5/5
I enjoyed it, despite thinking it was quite a common theme. You were able to write it in a whole different style that had your readers finish it from start to end. I upvoted it as I thought it deserved it, we need more stories like these on here. Nothing hardcore like the mainstream but something light, easy, and great plot pack like this one. 

Total Points: 95.5/100 (Please let us know on how we're doing by voting on our poll on the front page. Your feedback is much appreciated!)