Revelare -Nightlock08

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Author: Nightlock08
Reviewed By: Eunriehyun

Requested Date: 09/26/15
Story Link: Link
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Review

 

Title: 09/10

Logical: 3/3

It does make sense. The story is revealing the actual story around the protagonist. 
Eye-catching: 3/3
Revelare, is more attractive than your previous title. I give you credit for that. 
Eye-catching: 3/4
Even though it is better, I still feel that is lacking in something.

Description/Foreword: 08/10

Summary: 3/5

It was awesome! I was hooked since the beginning of the first sentence. But... you must delete that unnecessarily part. The part where the woman is been chase once she's supposedly hiding. That sure was a downward, so I suggest you read through it slowly and edit. 
Appearance: 5/5
Love the layout,man! It sure came in handy once I begin to read the description. It matched well with the chosen words and the suspense and everything else. 


Character Development/Showcasing: 10/10

Development: 5/5

The protagonist is improving, Ji Won, I can see her know as a real person and I can see other sides of her coming along. 
Relation/Cast: 5/5
Her relationship with Shin Hye is based in trust, which is important once you live by your own. Then there's her relationship with her ex, the gay dude, and...Han Groo, she is in a base friendship. I just don't trust her...


Behind the Author's Mind: 37/40

Logical: 10/10

Okay,okay. So I see were the story is going and by the four done chaps,you'redoing well.
Original: 10/10
I haven't seen anything alike, so it does seem to be knew. Love it~ 
Tone: 5/5
It is done in a good pace,and the suspence the thrill feeling feels refreshing.

Naration: 2/5

Here is were the problem is.... You continue to go back from 3rd point of view to 1st. It did annoyed me while I was reading so you must work on it. 
Storyline: 10/10
Loved it. The thought of already knowing what is all about,but still not knowing how the events are going to come up is killing me. 


Proper Use of the English Language: 21/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 08/10

I saw some minor mistakes,none of you can't work on. But if it helps, use Microsoft Office as in drive or writing to help you decrease on those silly mistakes. 
Termonology: 4/5
Again you can use the Microsoft Office programs and increase your vocabulary and increase your subbs~ ^.^ 
Language Barrier: 09/10
You only continue to use basic korean words and that's find,for you only what your reader to fell in the protagonist's shoes so is alright.  


General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 3/5
I enjoy it half through, I continued to get annoyed by the change of views so yup. But it was enjoyable... I can see you're working hard for it,and I'm here to help. So, if you just work on the things that I brought up your story will definitely hit sucess,and who knows it might even be advertise with a yellow star (;

 

Total: 88/100

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Comments

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WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#1
One more thing. I know the Description and the forward are super long. But I planned this story to be like a Novella/Soap Opera.
It may seem like I'm giving away to much in the Description and The Forward, but as you realize you might notice that I haven't.
There are three main parts to this story:
The Past-Childhood
The Past- Orphans/Teens
The Present- The main setting, in which the forward revealed nothing.

I'm an interactive author, meaning I ask questions at the end and leave hints here and there for the readers to try there best at guessing. (They become more invested in my story this way, lol)
WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#2
-Username : WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
-Profile link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/49463

- Story title : Love Me Right
- Story link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/976222/love-me-right-mpreg-hunhan-taoris-kaisoo-sulay-chanbaek-chenmin

-Genre : OT12, Angst, Mpreg, Fluff, Comedy, Growth, Friendship, Life, and "LEARNING TO LOVE"

- On-going | To be a long fic.

- Reviewer : KaihleeLo

- So The title of the fic is "Love Me Right", but it has nothing to do with the EXO song; even though some would just assume. The reason why I titled it 'Love Me Right' is because 6 of the main characters suffered in their childhood and eventually were orphaned. They don't know how to let themselves love. In particular, Luhan. As for the other 6 'Love' and 'Lust' are two different things.

- So before you read, I would like to point out, that the pacing of the story and the built up is exactly how I planned. I don't want to rush Romance because you don't 'fall in love' over night, and the characters need to mature. Also, there is a pattern to my chapters "The Past" chapters are essentially flashbacks. "The Present" is taking place now. For every 5 "The Present" chapters, it will be followed by 2 "The Past" chapters; Childhood/Teen years.

- I have a reader who offered to proofread my chapters since I had some typos, and I don't have the time to go back and fix them. "I always update between 12 am - 5 am, so that is the main reason". She is still editing the earlier chapters so please realize I am fixing the errors.


Oh gosh this was a lot. I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous, and I wanted to explain the above before you review.
-Tigress-
#3
Chapter 127: Hey can I have someone send me my review here so I can save it?
This archive is non-selectable so I can't save it myself.