Title: Toasted Marshmallows and Canoes

Note: Spolier Alert

Story link

Requestor's Username: Ken-TV

Reviewer's AFF Name: Amizupen

Date Received - Date Completed: May,9,2015-May,25,2015

Title (6/10):

The title didn’t catch my attention. It’s very straightforward and only had a small connection with the story so far. I suggest to use a funny title that can fit your storyline as well.

Character (15/20):

Development ()So far nothing and I don’t see the need of development in this story; however, it would be nice to see some changes.

Individuality () Kyungsoo really stands out, and he is well portrayed ever since the first chapter of the story. His awkwardness makes the character relatable and adorable at the same time.

Jongin needs more development. I characterized him as unapproachable and chill, but there are times his character suddenly changes.

Relationship() I can definitely sense something between Jongin and Kyungsoo, but not much have been developed yet.

Originality (10/10):

I don’t find a lot of comedy story around, especially ones that happen in camps.

Storyline/Plot (25/30):

Setting()The setting fits the story, and adds more elements to the comedy.

The storyline haven’t progress much within the 8 chapters. Each chapter seems to have a its only little story on how Kyungsoo trying to survive his days. I am not understanding the main issue that Kyungsoo is dealing with here; therefore, I wasn’t super attached to the story. I suggest to add more detail and make the plot surround on a purpose or event. However, it is funny enough to keep me going. Luhan had me laughing since the beginning of chapter 2.

P.S. Poor Sehun.

Grammar/Errors (25/25):

Nothing major that bothers me while reading. Great job!

Overall Enjoyment (5/5):

I really enjoyed the story. It had me smiling like an idiot every chapter. There is really nothing for me to complain about. Well done! :)

Bonus:

Thank you. I apologize for any harsh criticism. Happy writing.

Points Total: (86/100)

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