Concealed Identity

Requested by: KaileeLo

Reviewer: swirl_293

Date of Request: 12/22/2016

Date completion: 12/23/2016

1- Title: (8.5/10)

Logical (3/3)

The story perfectly dictates those in power and those  who are less fortunate and how you can never be too sure what is round the corner. This story had alot of mystery included which alsoade sense due to the title but i found it rather intruiging to read and understood where every reference was coming from.

Eye-Catching (3/3)

The title is definitely eye catching. It's very intruiging and makes the reader want to read more and know more to this story, to see exactly what is planned in this story.

a new and fresh style and not clichè like many other stories. It also gives off a hint of anonnymousity and mystery which interested me and caught my attention.

Original (4/4) 

 It's a new and fresh style and not clichè like many other stories. It also gives off a hint of anonnymousity and mystery which interested me and caught my attention. 

2- Foreword/description (10/10)

 Summary (5/5)

It's concise and straight to the point with lovely descriptions to contrast with it.

Appearance (5/5)

The style of font for your whole story was quite nice as it also mixed well with the picture of the sword, you added.

 

Character development (4.5/5)

The character development was what really suprised me. At first, when reading this story, i got the impression that Yoomi was a sweet innocent girl whom Inpyo loved but later on, using clear and thorough description, you were able to have the alterier motive and change that. When you revealed the other side to Yoomi, i was surprised at first but then i thought about it and realised that since yours is based in historical times, there was bound to be drama and power grtting to people's head as that's clearly what happened with Yoomi. Who would've known she was capable of killing the King and blaming it on someone who loved and treasured her dearly. But then this is also where Inpyo comes in. As Impyo didn't have such a great past, in fact it was quite sad with what he went through but   loved Yoomi so much that he didn't believe in using the fist but then when it came down to the betrayal of someone he treasured and loved and the fact that he was blamed and falsely accused for something so horrific, such as murder, Inpyo's attitude had changed and he had now become more determined and motivated. You made it as though one character was one way and you were able to get into the reader's head by doing so, which is why the reader would feel quite betrayed or suprised at what Yoomi had done.

 
Cast/Relations (5/5)

The actions of the characters were very realistic as back then, in historical times, as i mentioned before, there was alot of drama and the acts of betrayal which led alot of people astray and this added to the mood and atmisphere of the story. Also, two characters, Chuho and Changwoo, i really liked as the two of them gave off the vibe of two mutual friends who have alot a fun together and so it was nice to see this amongst all the drama as it was very believable.

3- Author's mindset (35/40)

Logically (9/10)

I would say that this story was very relatable, especially back in the historical times. With it's power, dictation, even jealousy as it was portrayed very nicely throughout the story and the pacing of the story didn't move too fast and flowed nicely.

 
Originality (9/10)

This storyline was definitely something refreshing to read but i also sense that some scenes in your story were maybe inspired from a few historical kdramas, however i like how you interpreted each word and scene in your own way so that you were able to have inplicit and explicit views, yet it was all very captivating and definitely gave off a mysterious vibe. 

Tone (5/5)

 The tone was very supressed and refreshing as it could make the reader feel empathy for the characters in the story and sympathy for some, such as Inpyon.

 
Narratation (5/5)

When reading your story, i realised you didn't really include POV's in your work but you wrote from a 3rd person's point of view which was quite intruiging for me to read but then as you did your story from a 3rd person's point of view, you were able to leave more detail in what was going on and this made the reader picture a clear image(s) in their heads. In your story, the 3rd person's point of view really matched with the overall plot.

 
Storyline (10/10)

I'll have to admit, this storyline was very good, especially for one which was set back in historical times. You managed to keep each part of the story, anticapated and even some of your own twists in there which worked really well and made the whole storyline smooth. Also, you included quite a few genrès in your story, yet this did not affect the story in a bad way but made it seem even more smoith as it flowed at a nice pace. Romance was added with Inpyo's love for Yoomi, comedy was added with the two friends, Chuho and Changwoo, who loved to tease each other alot. I can also say mystery, drama, historical and action were definitely included in your story as these 4 genres were included throughout the whole story and worked and contrasted with one another.  

 English language (25/25)

Overall your english was fine. Despite english not being your first language, you did very well in writing such a sophisticated and well thought out story.

 Grammar/Language (8.5/10)

Overall, your language and grammer was very good, although i did spot a few mistakes in your writing. For example, in Chapter 7, when you wrote, 'the man now has bags under his eyes', it should've actually been 'the man now had bags under his eyes" as it's past tense, seeing as the lack of sleep meant that the man 'had' bags under his eyes. Another example was also in chapter 7, with past tense.

Here, you wrote: 'Yeong, her only son, was only allowed to be in the same room as her when she’s fast asleep.' You wrote 'she's fast asleep', when it should've been 'when she was fast asleep' as you had written previously, 'was only allowed' which is past tense so when you said 'she's fast asleep', you are talking in the present tense as 'she's, means 'she is' and in that sentence, you should've said 'she was'. I would say sometimes you get mixed up with the past and present tense and that this is what you need to practise abit more, working on the different tenses so that your sentences do not get mixed up.

 
General Enjoyment (3.5/5)
Overall, i did enjoy reading this as i don't usually read historical stories but this story was quite the read and i did enjoy the chemistry between the different characters and the 'mystery' elements you added to your story. I honestly hope you write more and more stories like this!!

Overall Score: (90/100)