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Author: KangminBread
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 12/06/15

Review Completion: 12/11/15
Story Link: Link
Reminder: 

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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here)

Everything: Other than the foreword, everything's addressed on the right side of the layout.

Foreword: [Your concerns] I would like to know which foreword you think is better, lately I am not really satisfied with it. 

The main problem in choosing between them is because they were written focusing on two different characters. Maybe you could point out what from the old one could be better transplanted into the new one. In other words how i could explore the two characters in only one foreword.

Here's my suggestion: Do not include the prologue in the foreword. Try to grab readers attention by staying mysterious, in my opinion I'd strongly say you should include the dialogue (if you do choose not to reveal the prologue in the foreword) between the characters (don't even include their names and who said what) if readers are interested, they'll read and connect the dialogue immediately. That way you can include both character at the same time and not worry about who's perspective you should include and who's you should leave out. 

For example it may look like this instead: [Ellipses (...) should keep words close together. And when it concludes a sentence with a period than there should be four perdios and a space.]] 

"I am sorry...Youngwoon...you cannot die...because of my mistake...don't let them..."

"Young master...Please, don't....Don't leave me...Please, don't..."

"Youngwoon... I love you... I will never leave you... If I truly am able to....Reincarnate... I will come back to you... I will....So you cannot die....You must not die... I....Will love you....For eternity,"

"I will never leave you..."

"Young master... Don't... Please don't!"

"Sungmin... Sungmin... Don't leave me... Please... I love you too."

"Please don't kill me... Let me wait... For him... Please..."

However, if you'll like to include the longer summary, I put together how each character's focus could come in together under one foreword. I didn't make many changes other than shifting them around, since I'm sure you'll like to rewrite it after the sloppy merging I did.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1drWo2-yaj2nIA_glUPKG-jH1-71E9YX0lwAuIcW7Fmo/edit?usp=sharing

Title: 10/10

Logical: 3/3

Beast and Beauty may be vague but it had everything to do with the story. I've read the available reviews you've already received for the story and I could see why many would have something to say about the title (I mean don't we all?) But I don't see why it needs any changes done to it. As you've said you wanted both characters to be viewed as both beast and beauty, descpite them being human/thief, or wolf. If the title were to be "Beast and the Beauty" then it would have to be "The Beast and the Beauty" otherwise it wouldn't make any sense, why the beast could be kept broad and not beauty. That's also boring. Anyway, the title in my opinion is unique, different, and truly did its job by properly portraying the characters. As not one can simply be a beauty and one a beast, they have to overlap at one point, which goes into character development and story plot, etc, etc. But the title is perfect as it is, especially since it has to do with the 'description' of both characters, Kangin and Sungmin. 
Eye-catching: 3/3
Usually it's "Beauty" first than the "Beast" but I love the reversal, and the et just adds much more to it. It gives the story a foreign feel already, let alone the sword in the poster really brings out that mystique, fascinating image. Honestly I've seen the title a few times at other review shops (as I request there too) and I've always thought the title was catchy, or an attention-grabber. It makes one wonders what does 'et' stands for and in which language? 
Original: 4/4
Back in 2011 any titles may be original here on AFF, but it's 2015 and titles are deemed 'cliche', but I don't look at similiar titles. It's the story that should matter. As mentioned above you reversed the terms and even include a non-English/French term into your title to set it off from the rest, those two factors alone already gives your story an original title.  

Description/Foreword: [Ungraded]

You asked for help on this part so I've decided not to grade it whatsoever, I don't want you to pay attention to any numbers, don't even wonder what you got here cause I did not tally up or dock any points.

Summary: 

Alright so I'll focus mainly on foreword as you've asked me too, and everything else but mainly summary. Here's what I would change in your summary, I'll leave out the term 'lifetime' in the second sentence. Why? Because it sounds better and look better. I actually came up to multiple ways in how you can change it a little to make it sound more interesting. Try reading the original versus the few ones I have:

Original: Some people wait a lifetime to find love. Some wait for the next lifetime to live it. 

Version 1: Some people wait a lifetime to find love. Some wait for the next to live it. [In this version, we know you're talking about ;lifetime' so just leave out the term completely. It's an easier read and hearing to the ear as well.]

Version 2: Some wait a lifetime to find love. Some wait for the next to live it. [I took out people in this part, since I'm sure not only people but any creatures are capable of searching for love for a lifetime.]

Version 3: (The completed version which I'd suggest you consider) Some wait a lifetime to find love. Others wait for the next to live it. (Some vs. others creates more of a gap, or separation. It really brings out the opposing parties that some who wait for love may not be the same that are waiting to live the next lifetime. But it can be incorporated in anyway you'd like, honestly.]

[Remember these are only my suggestions, it is completely up to you whether you wish to change it at all or not.] The rest of what you were curious about has been added under our "Bonus" on the left side. See the rest there....

Appearance: 
Your layout is beautiful, neat, organize, and it opens up an already mysterious mood for your story. 

Character Development/Showcasing: 7/10

Development: 4/5

I love to discuss characters in details, that way it assures both I and the author that I am understanding the character in an aspect that you, as the author, wanted me to understand. So I'll go through them one by one, and also discuss as to how they've developed and point any improvements I can see. 

Sungmin: He's a thief who came to town, right at the beginning he's already a beauty and a beast. He's a beauty in the aspect as he adores the colors of flowers, how he was delighted to see the plains of just flowers, and how he was kind to the loud children on the train and their mothers. Yet, at the same time he could be a beast to people, as thieves can be considered beasts to some since they steal and take owned properties. Sungmin's character was immediately brought to life as he was busy mapping the city for any escapes to be done, he had the mindset of a prepared thief. However, as the story progresses Sungmin's character tend to have weakened, he's obedient and does what he's told by Youngwoon. He becomes jealous when Youngwoon spoke of his former master. (It's understandable to an extent. But at the same time it doesn't.) It looked like Sungmin felt bad for the old Sungmin but at the same time he doesn't want to hear about the old Sungmin. It's confusing. 

Youngwoon: Obviously wolves are beautiful creature, but Youngwoon is a beauty for his kindness and not only for his forms/appearances. Youngwoon proved to the hunters for the past four hundred years that his love for his dead master was true, he had been protecting a city without fail all because of his master's dying wish. Youngwoon's character has a sense of clarity as he doesn't confuse Sungmin for his dead master (like how many other stories does it). Youngwoon actually reminded me of an anime character who's master came back as in reincarnation but he was patient about revealing anything. One issue I had with Youngwoon's character was tat he spoke on the same level as Sungmin and not of that as a four hundred. I mean I don't expect him to be full of wisdom, but I supposed he isn't as professional compared to that of a creature who had lived for four hundred years. I guess to put it in order words, it doesn't sound like he speak with experiences, but more of like reading a textbook aloud. He doesn't applied any experiences into his speech, thus it makes it hard to decide whether he was really there or if he just happened to have the information at hand. Otherwise Youngwoon's character doesn't have much development as it didn't need any, he was already a well-developed character. 

Kyuhyun: Kyuhyun doesn't appear until closer to the ending, which made sense as he only visit the town once in a while. However, I believe you can build up Kyuhyun and make ahim a stronger character. Perhaps some background information will do, like how did he get on the path of a hunter exactly. It was because of revenge right? But how did he get there, who helped him, and did he choose the path of a hunter because it also comes with immortality (as they can live as long as they like as long as they consume blood.)

Relation/Cast: 3/5
The relationship between Sungmin and Youngwoon developed at such a confusing pace that I'm not positive where I should start. I must say it seems awkward when Youngwoon is explaining things and answering Sungmin's questions, as I said before it's like he's reading a textbook so he's not really conversing with Sungmin. 

Overall the connection and interaction  between the characters seemed rushed and unimportant. When one character wants something, the other doesn't fight to understand why, instead they go straight to the point without any curiousity. For example when Sungmin confronted Kyuhyun about wanting to become a hunter, Kyuhyun was surprised but his immediate reply betrayed his actions. He got right to the point of answering without wondering how Sungmin knew he should talk to Kyuhyun or curious why Sungmin would have known, if Youngwoon had told Sungmin then why would Youngwoon not stop Sungmin as being a hunter is dangerous, or why Youngwoon didn't avoid the topic altogether. Point is, try to think of how each character should really act in the situation and try not to rush the scenes. I know it was meant for a short story, but a lot could have been saved and some taken out. 

Otherwise I believe you did well with the small cast, and we were able to only focus on the main characters for the majority of the story.

Behind the Author's Mind: 36/40

Logical: 10/10

This is an AU story so I can't mark you down for logical, however it's very realistic.
Original: 10/10
I could see many references incorporated into the story, but it makes a good twist to the story so I supposed the story is original. I love the idea of the town's layout and such. 
Tone: 5/5
The tone was consistent throughout so kudos here!

Naration: 4/5

The narration was consistent until the end where it switched from Sungmin to Youngwoon's perspective. I believe it would have left a larger impact if the last chapter also focused on the two hundred year old Sungmin, but Youngwoon's view turned out pretty well, so I can't say much here.  
Storyline: 7/10
To be honest the story was a let down halfway in, until the end where a lot started to happen again. As I said before because this was a short story, I understand that you were trying to fit everything and at the same time developed Sungmin and Youngwoon's relationship without really rushing it, but it still felt rushed due to the events. In the beginning we get that Sungmin is a thief coming from another town to hide from his attackers (who never found him since he probably got rid of them after becoming a hunter), and that he somehow had this hatred for gays as his boss or was it a customer(?) tried to buy him into bed before. But then he started developing these feelings for Youngwoon after discovering the dead Sungmin's diary. The idea of eternal love however was executed well in the story, as the two characters kept coming back together. But the love wasn't exactly there, it felt rushed and instant. If you can improve their love for one another, then I'm sure the story would be way, way better since that's your focus genre. 

Proper Use of the English Language: 21/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 8/10

You probably knew about the commas as one of your major issues when it came down to punctuation since other reviews pointed them out as well, but here's one that I think you should really fix. It'll leave the sentences less choppy. At the beginning of chapter two: The thought terrified Sungmin. Much more because he couldn’t do anything about it.

Suggestion: The thought terrified Sungmin much more because he couldn't do anything about it. (You can choose to leave a comma after Sungmin too if you'd like.)

I recommend working on ellipses as well. When it's a cocluding sentence, then leave a space after the concluding mark. But if it's ongoing, do not leave a space and do not uppercase the following letter unless necessary. There were a few hip-cups but those can be fixed with more proof-reading. 

Termonology: 4/5
There were some terms that could use some changes for the sake of a completed sentence. However, It doesn't take a genius to have to read your story to understand it. Chapter two, during their first interaction was the scene I believe needed much more work. Try rephrasing a few of the sentences. 

Below is the second paragraph taken from chapter eight: Confessions. I had to re-read the text a few times before I could grasp what it was trying to say. Below is the original and also my suggestion as to how you can or should tweak the body of text. 

Original: Sungmin loved the first day of exercise the most. Youngwoon had sat down right in front of Sungmin and when the human did his first sit up their faces were barely inches away from each other. Sungmin grinned as he saw Youngwoon blush and then chuckled as the werewolf turned around and sat on his feet instead, his back to resting against Sungmin’s legs. He had thought it was safer, but Sungmin breathing on his neck every time he did a move was equally disturbing. Didn’t help that when Sungmin did his last sit up he landed a small peck at the back of Youngwoon’s head.

Errors: Sungmin loved the first day of exercise the most. Youngwoon had sat down right in front of Sungmin [here you are already talking about Sungin so don't repeat his name unless necessary. I suggest using 'him"] and when the human did his first sit up their faces were barely inches away from each other. Sungmin grinned as he saw Youngwoon blush and then chuckled as the werewolf turned around and sat on his feet instead, his back to resting against Sungmin’s legs. [The problem here is that you switched the narration from Sungmin to Youngwoon in the same sentence. It becomes very confusing when they're both men/males, so the his/him can throw any readers off. You're already writing from Sungmin's perspective so try to keep it at that.] He had thought it was safer, but Sungmin breathing on his neck every time he did a move was equally disturbing. Didn’t help that when Sungmin did his last sit up he landed a small peck at the back of Youngwoon’s head. [Same with this, try to keep it from Sungmin's perspective, or third person POV altogether. If not try to shift the POV in a smoother style].

Suggestion: Sungmin loved the first day of exercise the most. Youngwoon had sat down right in front of him and when the human did his first sit up their faces were barely inches away from each other. Sungmin grinned as he saw Youngwoon blush, and then chuckled as the werewolf turned around and sit on his feet instead.

With Youngwoon's back resting against Sungmin’s legs [I suggest you replace legs with 'shin' for a more specific image but its up to you.], he had thought it was safer, but Sungmin's breathing on his neck every time the lad sat up became equally disturbing. Plus, it didn’t help that Sungmin planted a small peck at the back of Youngwoon's head once theyounger was at his last sit up.

Language Barrier: 9/10

The Sungmin-ssi threw me off, otherwise all was in English, regarding language barriers. I suggest not using ssi since Sungmin doesn't call Youngwoon, Youngwoon-ssi either. Not does the simple Korean only distract the readers, it's not at all necessary.

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 4/5
The opening had me hooked since you did so well with painting the scenary for us. But then it felt dragged throughout as not much happen other than Sungmin and Youngwoon's relationship slowly developing over time. 

As authors we're never really satsified with our favorite works because we always want to improve it one way or another, so the number of reviews did not affect my grading. The reason you had it reviewed multiple times was so you could improve it, so I hope at least this review did some for you. I hope this story gets more attention as it deserves much more, and that readers will come to see the story in the light you've wanted them to. 

Total Points: 78/90