Story Pick Up: 

My Little Butterfly

Note: 3 Chapters (Spoiler Alert)

The title isn't unique I must say but it ties completely well with the storyline itself. In fact it's not until chapter two where we begin to find out how the title comes into play, and then chapter three was when we know for sure why the story title was the title. Honestly it's a great title since no one who read chapter one would expect anything about butterflies later on (at least I didn't) so it was a good twist to it. 

I personally took a film class in college and one of our homework assignment was to 'rename' the film called "Brick". If I was asked to do that with your story I believe something like "A Butterfly's Freedom" would have captured more interests? But that's just my opinion. Otherwise a full grade since it fit so well and was such a great surprise near the end!

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Character: (10/10)

No character seems out of place or was randomly included. Plus character development was also an A+. 

First we have Hoseok who's a kid with family problems and was traumatized by his father's actions and way of life, a man who most likely could have been Hoseok's role-model and/or hero. Though Hoseok seems like a troubled kid who's always thinking, he's not anti-social or shy. He gets awkward around people he just met but he wasn't an off character to begin with. He's a stable character who begin to change after being able to know and meet people with different situations, basically. 

Taehyung is expected to be talkative and happy. Like Hoseok he's a stable character. We don't know a whole lot about him or his personal thoughts, because the story was (kind of) told from Hoseok's point of view. But we know that as a patient with cancer with little to no friends at all (to begin with) it was quite easy for him to befriend Hoseok since he must meet new people often. (Especially nurses, doctors, etc.) 

Hoseok's noona was the reason why Hoseok was able to live with some happiness and sanitiy in him. Like Taehyung she endured the pain alone in order to protect Hoseok. 

All in all I believe the characters all connect well together. It was a good choice of casts! 

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Originality: (9/10)

I wouldn't say the story was cliche but it wasn't very original either. When I read your foreword of Hoseok losing hope, I can already foresee that Taehyung would be someone who will restore it. Plus the summary sounds a lot similar to other authors who has written about Hoseok losing hope, being the J-Hope he is. Either way this story really did well because of the lessons that was taught here and the situations were different as it lead from family issues to cancer and to butterflies. 

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Story-line/Plot: (40/40)

The storyline was fully developed to every corner that it possibly could. Every scene was important and every word said by each character were just as significant. The twists of butterflies really threw me off and I really love how the end Hoseok believed or did see Taehyung as the butterfly. What made this story especially strong was the great flow of events, nothing was out of the ordinary and everything connected at a great pace without any time loop. Each scene is always building the next and so forth, thus making the storyline/timeline easy to read and follow. 

In the end it's basically what everyday people want in life. Freedom. But either you or another person has to first pay the price before either one or the both of you can be happy, and finally at peace! (For some limited amount of time.)

And even in the storyline when it was written where Hoseok was asked to prepare himself for Taehyung's passing. It's like you were also setting us up, preparing your readers for Taehyung's passing too. His death made a great and useful impact to this short story, honestly. Some authors may want to keep the characters alive (by something magically happening) in order to aim for that happily ever after ending but yours worked. 

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Grammar/Errors: (24/25)

Grammar was great (also seeing that English is your first language). There were times were the semi-colon is often use and sometimes they weren't placed correctly. Other than that you just forgot certain terms in sentences, it's not a big deal but I pointed them down below for you. Minor errors that authors tend to have so I didn't mark you down by a lot for it. 

Original: Not that anyone could tell; No, Hoseok had become quite good at hiding the inner turmoil that bubbled deep within his heart....

Suggestion: 

Proper grammar: Not that anyone could tell. No. Hoseok had become quite good at hiding the inner turmoil that bubbled deep within his heart....

~or angst style:

Not that anyone could tell. 

No. 

Hoseok had become quite good at hiding the inner turmoil that bubbled deep within his heart....

[I found that negative terms could stand alone stronger if they're spaced out like above. It gives more of an ansty feel to it as well. I don't encourage you to do this because at times it may look messy, but this is just a mere suggestion.]

Original: This isn't wrong but I'm sure you meant to put it as one paragraph altogether~

She pulled Hoseok behind her, trying to block him from their father’s view. Her actions, unfortunately, did not go unnoticed. He squatted down and motioned for Hoseok to come to him, to which his sister refused. “

He’ll be the one to get hurt if you don’t give him to me now.” He stated, starting to become wobbly on his knees, the influence of his self-prescribed 3 p.m. happy hour weighing down on him. Hojin reluctantly let her little brother step forward and he made it to his father only to land on the floor a second later, his cheek stinging from the force of the back of the man’s hand.

Original: His heart rate sped up and he rushed to man, pulling back on his arm roughly.

Suggestion:  His heart rate sped up and he rushed to the man, pulling back on his arm roughly.

Original:At two in the morning, a nurse came to tell him had to go home. 

Suggestion: At two in the morning, a nurse came to tell him that he had to go home. 

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Overall Enjoyment: (5/5)

Not once was I bored nor was I rolling my eyes at the storyline. Everything was perfect and well pieced together. I can tell you either planned this out well, experienced it yourself, or have seen enough dramas to complete such beautiful work. Also I managed to get this done before work so now I'm going to work thinking about this all day! It's such a powerful and great work! Upvoted and gonna stay subscribe to your story. Cause it's that awesome of a read!

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Total Score (98/100)

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Bonus: *Your questions and focuses for me*

Anything you feel I should improve on. ^^

I believe you did well on everything. Just re-read and find those small errors. I wish you the best in the contest! It looks like you're my competitor there haha. Anyways we already know that for sure this story would be a top story.

Feel free to message me if you have any further questions.
Thank you for choosing BLK's Reviews and for your patience! Hope to hear from you again~!
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