Story: The Love That No One Knoes

Requestor's Username: SeptemberRsin

Reviewer's AFF Name: KaihleeLo

Date Received - Date Completed: 5 August 2014

NOTE: None

(9/10) Title: The title is perfect for the story since it's a heavy base romance, and the characters didn't know whether they were in love or not! However, I don't find it a catchy title. Since the story focus a lot on the college's coffee shop, how about starting there for a title? Overall the title wasn't too bad. But it should be "The Love That No One Knows" as far as I know, knoes isn't exactly a word.

(10/10) Character: Each character development was nicely done! I can totally see the idols say that for reals! 10/10, great job!

(10/10) Originality: The reality and feels of the story is real although cliché and predictable. But everything was well described and the readers can totally imagine what's happening. Well done!

(39/40) Storyline/Plot: You did a good job setting up the storyline/plot, it was easy to follow and everything was developing and progressing smoothly. Although it's like a short scene taken out from a drama, it was very well done and the twists to it made it interesting to read. I love the storyline; there was never a dull part! The story just keeps flowing! However, Jaejoong started thinking about all these thoughts that didn't seem to have any connection to the story. Or it did in some ways, but it dragged the story a tiny bit of just nothing but unnecessary ranting.

(20/25) Grammar/Errors: Minor errors, like forgetting an adjective, adding a period when the sentence hasn't ended (I understand that could have been auto-correct), and sentence structure. I think sentence structure was one of the main errors in the story, other than that I can tell your grammar, etc. has improved by a lot! However, focus on the tenses. One paragraph was in a past tense while the following was in a present tense. Below, I have chosen two sentences from the story which I believe can certainly help, I've added and just made some changes to give you an idea on how it could have been presented. Of course it's just an example; I know you have ideas of your own on how to go about it.

1.) Focus point(s): Sentence structure, run-ons, punctuation.

Original: He was in rush earlier because of his useless and diva roommate, Heechul and his boyfriend in their apartment and because of a certain Jung Yunho.

Suggestion: Earlier he was rushed because of his useless diva roommate, Heechul, and his boyfriend in their apartment, for a certain Jung Yunho.

2.) Focus point(s): Sentence structure, run-ons

Original: Both of them chatted happily about their weeks mostly Jaejoong whom talks while Yunho just threw comments and nods here and there.

Suggestion: Jaejoong and Yunho chatted cheerfully about their long weeks; however, Jaejoong did more of the talking while Yunho threw in comments and nods every now and then.

(5/5) Overall Enjoyment: I loved it! Jaejoong is my bias in JYJ/DBSK and I totally ship YunJae! Haha. It was fun to read, every feeling felt so real and that's exactly what made it entertaining. I totally squeal throughout the whole story because it was too adorable! I subscribed and up-voted, hope you continue writing and I'll continue to read it!

(93/100) Points Total  Nicely Done!

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us: "Grammar and things that I'm lacking in my story"

Answers are under "Grammar/Errors"

I love your cover/poster by the way! It totally caught my attention!

Thank you for choosing BLK Reviews and for your patience! Hope to hear from you again!