NOTE: Prologue + One Chapter

(10/10) Title: The title is unique, longer than the usual but unique. Since you mentioned that the title will sync into the story later on, I'll trust you on that! 

(9/10) Character: Hana's character was quite interesting and since we're only at the prologue and one chapter by far I can't say much for character development. Jongin hasn't entered the story either. However, I like how Hana's friend, Hanbyul, will become the bridge to the meeting of Hana and Jongin. 

(9/10) Originality: I could visualize every scene because the decription was that good! Great job there! I deduct one point because the opening confused me for a while, but that was just me. 

(35/40) Storyline/Plot: To be honest I found it strange that she's just learning about her mother's death. Like, every year when it was her birthday, did her dad not show any red flags, like he missed his wife or it was her death anniversary? Her mom was up and driving around after giving birth to her, that's quite a strong mother. Usually it takes weeks to months for them to be able to drive again and such. The opening started where she kind of see a girl, but then that girl was her, and then finally near the end her friend called her by her name. Despite all of that, the storyline was very interesting and rare. I love how through her mother's car, she'd get to meet Jongin. 

(22/25) Grammar/Errors: There were a few errors, like run ons and commas placement. I corrected and gave some suggestions on how I would have worded the sentences via paragraphs differently. I didn't correct the whole story because in certain chapters, there's only one misspelled word and such, so I didn't bother including those. There wasn't any huge errors but the way some of the sentences were compacted were out of place, so as I mentioned, I just reworded and made some changes. 

Original: The girl in the drivers seat had blood streaming down the side of her ear and dripping off her chin as her head just laid flat on the wheel, honking. She made no movements it I could see how her breath was cut short.

Suggestion: The girl in the driver's seat had blood streaming down the side of her ear and dripping off her chin while her head lie flat on the steering wheel, honking. She made no movements, I could see her breath shorten.

Original: But even through that hard cover I knew who it was; and without a doubt the girl knew me too.

Suggestion: But, even through that hard cover I knew who it was; and without a doubt the girl knew me too.

OR

But even through that hard cover, I knew who it was....

Original: My mouth was oddly shaped crooked and my arms and legs were all in hardened casts, supported by either the frame of the bed or pillows. I couldn't accept this, I didn't want to accept this. I turned back around to face the door. My hands wrapped around the handle and with all the strength I had I tried to pry it open but it didn't budge a single bit.

Suggestion: My mouth was oddly shaped crooked and my arms and legs were all in hardened casts, supported by either the frame of the bed or pillows. I couldn't accept this, I didn't want to accept this. I turned back around to face the door. My hands wrapped around the handle and with all the strength I had I tried to pry it open, but it didn't budge a single bit.

Original: He had changed out of his work clothes just about an hour ago and took a fresh shower but he looked even more tired than he was when he first walked in. I remembered how he came inthe day before....

Suggestion: He had changed out of his work clothes just about an hour ago and took a fresh shower, but he looked even more tired than he was when he first walked in. I remembered how he came in the day before.

Original: He pushed himself off the chair and was about to nag me for not reminding him when I stopped him before he could do anything else. 

Suggestion:He pushed himself off the chair and was about to nag me for not reminding him, when I stopped him before he could do anything else. 

Original: "Uh," I started out, not knowing how to begin with my question. 

Suggestion: "Uh," I started out, not sure how to ask my question.

Original: "I have a question, but if you're busy I totally understand but it's just that I've been wondering this for quite a while. And when it's finally striked my head, I figured that at this age it'd be the best time to ask you but surely enough when I ask you then you don't even have to answer me if it makes you feel uncomfortable! I mean, it's just a question right? yeah, right. But I don't want to offend you or anything, no, no, no! Nothing like that, so please don't think like that. And, and, I-"

Suggestion: "I have a question, but if you're busy I totally understand, but it's just that I've been wondering for some time. And finally it striked me, I figured that at this age it'd be the best time to ask you, but surely you don't have to answer me if it makes you feel uncomfortable! I mean, it's just a question right? Yeah, right. But I don't want to offend you or anything, no, no, no! Nothing like that, so please don't think like that. And, and, I-" (You can keep the original copy since she was nervous and confused at this part, I just wanted to put it in a way where it's more easier to understand)

Original: Coinicidentally, the book I had in the palms of my hands just either was about a girl that was stuck in a world of fake people.

Suggestion: Coinicidentally, the book I had in the palms of my hands just happen to be about a girl that was stuck in a world of fake people.

Original: But rather than that my expectations were crushed when he turned to me with the blankest expression.

Suggestion: But rather than that, my expectations were crushed when he turned to me with the blankest expression.

Original: "Your mother stepped out that night to buy somethings and she didn't return back home after a while." I couldn't believe it but here it was. "Her car collided with another at the turn signal, they assumed that she was hurrying home and she took the challange against the yellow light." 

Suggestion: "Your mother stepped out that night to buy some things and she didn't return back home after a while." I couldn't believe it but here it was. "Her car collided with another at the intersection, they assumed that she was hurrying home and she took the risk to run a yellow light." 

Original: Eventually I came out of my cave and met with my father, who was still seating at the kichen top, working on those files again.... I knew that was being a huge baby but I just wanted some comfort for now.

Suggestion: Eventually, I came out of my cave and met with my father, who was still sitting at the kichen top working on those files again.... I knew I was acting like a big baby but I just wanted some comfort for now.

Original:  "You can, uhm, I figured since you asked .. it's yours now. Your mother probably, would've, wanted to to have it after her anyways."

Suggestion: "You can, uhm, I figured since you asked...it's yours now. Your mother probably, would've, wanted you to to have it after her anyways."

Original: I took a look at the different choices and decided on having ham and cheese sandwich with some strawberries and a bottle of water. 

Suggestion: I took a look at the different choices and decided on a ham and cheese sandwich with strawberries, and a water bottle. 

Original:  At first becoming friends with her was kind of brden some because of our different personalities.

Suggestion: At first becoming friends with her was kind of burdensome because of our different personalities.

(5/5) Overall Enjoyment: I loved the plot and storyline, but sadly the story moved a little too slow for me. It's only the first chapter so I can't say the progression throughout the story would be slow, but so far that's my opinion. I subsribed and upvoted because I want to read more of it, I enjoyed your way of expressing the story and Hana's feelings too. So I'll definitely keep reading. So keep writing~!

(90/100) Points Total

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