NOTE: ; Seven chapters - completed

(9/10) Title: During the second chapter I started to wonder if you titled it because Luhan is chasing after Sehun's hair. Yeah, still don't know the meaning, but what I thought was really funny. I'm a comedian, so you get points.  

(8/10) Character: For Sehun, his past seems really predictable for people that like to cling onto others. If you didn't have a background set I could've guessed his child life because of how depressed he is. Other then that, even though it was predictable, I favor how you put details. Others stories would've simply added "As a child Sehun would always get abused at home so that's why he acts like this." No, that is being lazy. Adding in scenes how he doesn't just escape to Luhan all the time and goes to either Jongin or Jongdae, or Tao was a nice touch. I didn't expect for you to say that he escapes from a window though. As a child, I would've fallen out the window so many times. 

Reviewer's troll comment; If only Sehun and I could fall out a window together.

For Luhan, he's your average friend. Bonds with Sehun, understands him, conforts him when he needs it. He's made to become a counselor. Since this story is marked as , I'm going to use the term gay. Luhan really shows his traits when he meets Sehun. "Can you help me up?" "Walk me to the car?" "Aren't you going to follow me to my door to make sure I'm safe?" No Luhan, Sehun did it because he's gay4u. But you can't just assume that others will do that, so stop acting like a female and stand up yourself. 

For Kyungsoo, Suho, Jongdae, Jongin, and Tao, they're just minor characters that don't have much description. Kyungsoo's kind enough to take over Sehun's shift, Suho's stupid for letting Sehun keep the job, Jongin's a fart. 

(7/10) Originality: Childhood friends, one leaves, they meet again in the future, fall in love, get together, and happy ever after. Isn't that how stories go? Yes. And I don't think your story proved my estimate wrong either. 

(--/40) Storyline/Plot: Is there a reason why Sehun denied Luhan when he asked if they meet before? Like, c'mon bro you've been dreaming about your love all these years and he's right there! your face up and tell him. 

....

(25/25) Grammar/Errors: Since English is your first language I graded rougher than a person that has English as their second language. I've also included a correction side and a suggestion one, and all of this is in chronlogical order. 

Chapter one;

Original(Around the second scene): Can you die from boring? Because if you can, I think I'm already dead. 

Correction: Can you die from boredom? Because if you can, I think I'm already dead.

Note: I don't know if I left something out while reading, if I just didn't catch that paragraph right before this, but I don't know if this is was you meant when you typed it. I assume boredom only because it's another form of boring.

Compliment time; Your span of vocabulary stretches wide.   

Note: If I've made a mistake myself or you think the correction isn't needed or right, comment down below so I can fix it or explain it to you. 

(4/5) Overall Enjoyment: If this was a book, then I would've enjoyed it more. Because some chapters are just so dang long, I'm focred to finish it because AFF doesn't have a bookmark that marks the sentence you're at. That was a turn off. 

(53/60) Points Total (Took 40 points out)

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:

Setting; Did you mean that you use the same setting over and over again and that you want me to comment on it? You do use the same places but they're spread out naturally. From neighborhood to work to streets to house, and all over again. In a story setting shouldn't be a major subject to worry about. 

Additional comments; I deeply apologize for taking up to three weeks to finish your story. I've been meaning to have it up around two days after I recieved it but I had to set it aside becausse of school. If you're not satified with anything here, message me and I can do whatever I left out.

Hi there, this is KaihleeLo the main admin/owner of this shop. Because the reviewer you've requested could not complete this story review any time soon, I've decided to publish whatever and everything she had up thus far. I'm sure although it's not complete, she gave decent advice, etc. I'm so sorry it took over two months to complete your seven chapters story review. Keep writing and I hope we will be able to provide more satisfying and faster services next time you decide to choose our shop again. Thank you so much for your patience and sorry once again~. 

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