My BFF - janeloveexo
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Bonus: Characterization, plot, and grammar
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janeloveexo
request on: 08/01/15
REVIEWER: dhaatk
finished on: 08/08/15
score: 77/100
Title: (7/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) This title is completely accurate, because the story revolves around the protagonist's two best friends. Speaking of that, it would be more beneficial if the title was “My BFFs,” not “My BFF.” Since there are two best friends in the story, plural should be used in the title as well. Therefore, the chosen title is almost logical.
EYE-CATCHING (1/3) The used contraction of words “best friend” is strangely alluring. There is high possibility that, if the title was “My Best Friend,” less people would click on it. On the other hand, it is not extremely conspicuous, because there are more stories with such title, so this one does not stand out a lot.
original (3/4) As it has been mentioned already, more stories with title like “My Best Friend” can be easily found not only on this site, but all other the Internet. Because of this simple reason, the title cannot be viewed as totally original.
story's foreword/description (9/10)
story's summary (5/5) The summary displayed in foreword is truly good. It highlights main points of the story that the reader should focus on or know beforehand. Also, it is wise to show what three main characters think about each other and how they understand the concept of friendship.
appearance (4/5) The poster is really nice. It is light and sets a happy, comedy-like mood. Thoughts of Kris, Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol have been discussed already, but there is another aspect of them that is not so good. The fact that different colours are used does not add up to smooth appearance of the foreword. Using grey and black is alright, but the chosen shade of red just gores the eyes and can deter the new reader.
characters (8/10)
character development (4/5) Main characters are just so-so. It is possible to tell the difference between all three best friends, but there could be more depth put into each of their thoughts and actions. After six chapters, all that readers can say shortly about each character probably is: Kris is thoughtful and easy-going, Chanyeol is the craziest guy ever, and Kyungsoo is crazy but shy. It would be awesome if more information about each main character would be revealed. Other characters really pale beside these three guys, but that is alright, because those secondary characters are not in the main focus.
characters relations (4/5) Even though Kris has not been friends with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo for a long time, they already seem pretty close and there is this feeling that their friendship will last long. Since the story's genre is most probably comedy, the plot is not too serious and that reflects in this friendship. It is based solely on good time and innocent or even childish pranks. However, there is one thing that crossed the line. In second chapter, history teacher Mr. Kim cursed in front of his students and this is just really unrealistic, because school system in South Korea is pretty strict and reserved, so teachers do not just throw tantrums so randomly.
the author's mindset (33/40)
LOGICAL (6/10) For the most part, storyline is logical, however other quite big part does not make much sense. The idea of boys faking their kidnap is actually very intriguing at first and the fact that Kris came up with it just for the sake of not doing history project is totally crazy just like the three boys are in general. But their parents being so easy and almost cheering for the idea, plus Kyngsoo's parents letting him use the villa is not just crazy but completely unbelievable and irrational. Some crazy parent might have wacky character, but in this situation it just does not work. Additionally, it looks as if this kidnap plot will take a big part in further narration, so having such senseless event in story is damaging.
ORIGINAL (10/10) Even if completely stupid, the already discussed kidnap plot is original and can be viewed as fresh by a lot of readers. Also, this story stands out because it does not revolve around any romance, unless “bromance” is counted as such. It is really rare to stumble upon a story that is purely about three good friends of same gender, having the fun of their lives in high school.
TONE (4/5) This story's tone is positive and elated. That is good, since this is exactly the tone a comedy requires.
NARRATION (4/5) Flow is good, it was like clashing into a wall only once. There is a part where boys are perfecting all the ideas for getting out of doing the project. They decide to wait until it is one week left until the deadline and for that, they have to wait for almost three months to pass. The big time-lapse of those months is achieved in one sentence and that is a bit disappointing. There is a lot of stuff that author could write about events that happened during that period of waiting. The three friends could have done some little pranks or spent leisure days together meanwhile and it would have helped to maintain the good flow.
STORYLINE (9/10) In the end, the plot is fairly good. Originality is what helps narration the most, but that kidnapping case is the poison for this story,too. Flow also helps a lot, except for the unwanted time-lapse.
proper use of the english language (19/25)
grammar and punctuation (9/10) Spelling mistakes could be spotted only by a keen native speaker. Grammar is also used well in most cases. A lot of non-native speakers struggle with tenses, usually mixing Past Simple and Present Simple. In this story, such mistakes have been done maybe twice of more but it does not stand out too much.
vocabulary (1/5) The major errors are with vocabulary. The author needs to seriously pay more attention to what words they are using. A few mistakes have been picked out and will be displayed further down, but it is highly recommendable to find a proofreader, who would go through already published chapters and continue to help the author with upcoming updates.
- Chapter 1 – “Seoul was a city that quite different from Canada.” There are two mistakes in this sentence. First of all, Seoul and Canada should not be put against each other as equivalent opposites, because Seoul is a city and Canada is the whole country. It should be either Seoul and Ottawa (both are capitals of the countries) or South Korea and Canada that are put against each other. Second error is misuse of “different.” This is an adjective, but the author used it as verb. One of right versions for this sentence could be “Seoul was a quite different city from Ottawa.”
- Chapter 3 – “we knew it would be something around food,” should be “about food;”
- “That was so LOL,” is really inappropriate. “LOL” is good to use in text messages (even if they are in literary narration) but not in this way.
- Chapter 4 – “Chanyeol replied me” is missing preposition “to” and should be “Chanyeol replied to me;”
- “I was just staring onto the ceiling” has to be “I was just staring at the ceiling;”
- “and our project got accidentally vomited” – “and our project was accidentally vomited on” or just simply “and he accidentally vomited on our project;”
- “Hello to the earth, Kris” – here a common phrase is used wrongly. The sentence should be “Hello, Earth to Kris” or “Hey Kris, Earth is calling;”
- Chapter 5 – “I was at names” has parts of sentence misused again. The sentence has to be “I at names” or “I was bad with names.”
language barrier (9/10) It is amazing how Koreans terms have been avoided so far in this story. However, there is a language barrier when it comes down to non-native English speaker writing a piece of literature in this language. Sometimes wrong phrase or word order is used and it disturbs the flow.
Reviewer's enjoyment (1/5)
I did not enjoy this story, if truth to be told. I am not native English speaker but your grammar skills were way off for my liking. Also the plot did not intrigue me and some parts seemed rather illogical and unnecessary. Anyways, I was wondering for a long time where I have seen this poster and guess what, we are in the same writing contest! Good luck there and also with your other stories!
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