The Girl From The Music Box - Flower-of-May
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FLOWER-OF-MAY
REQUEST ON: 11/29/15
REVIEWER: BLACKROSESTEARS
FINISHED ON: 1/02/15
SCORE: 95/100
TITLE: (10/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - THE TITLE MAKES SENSE TOGETHER WITH THE PLOT EVEN BEFORE YOU START READING BUT IT JUST MAKES EVEN MORE SENSE AFTER READING THE CHAPTERS YOU POSTED SO FAR.
EYE-CATCHING (3/3) - IT IS AN REALLY INTERESTING STORY BECAUSE IT IS HARD TO IMAGINE WHAT THE STORY WILL BE ABOUT AND BECAUSE IT IS SOMETHING UNIQUE ABOUT IT.
ORIGINAL (4/4) - IT IS JUST AS I ALREADY WROTE A UNIQUE TITLE, IT IS FRESH AND BECAUSE OF THAT I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO READ THE STORY.
STORY'S FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION (9/10)
STORY'S SUMMARY (5/5) - I REALLY LIKED YOUR FOREWORD BECAUSE IT DIDN'T REVEAL TOO MUCH YET IT WAS STILL INTRIGUING. IT GRABBED MY INTEREST BECAUSE OF THE DESCRIPTION OF SULLI AND TAEMIN BECAUSE IT IS SOMETHING UNIQUE AND I LIKED THAT ALREADY BEFORE READING.
APPEARANCE (4/5) - THE OVERVIEW OF THE FOREWORD AND DESCRIPTION HAD A GOOD STRUCTURE BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT CAUGHT MY EYE:
SHE WAS MISSING SOMETHING, AND SHE FOUND IT ON [IN] HIM.
CHARACTERS/CASTS (10/10)
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (5/5) - BECAUSE YOUR CHAPTERS PLAY DUE DIFFERENT TIMES YOU CAN SEE PRETTY CLEARLY HOW YOUR CHARACTERS CHANGED.
TAEMIN WAS A PLAYBOY JUST LIKE HIS BEST FRIEND KAI IN ONE CHAPTER BUT IN THE NEXT WE CAN SEE CLEARLY THAT THEY CHANGED. KAI PREPARES HIMSELF TO GET MARRIED WHILE TAEMIN CAN'T BE IN A RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE.
FOR JINRI, WE CAN'T REALLY SEE IT BECAUSE THE STORY IS WRITTEN IN TAEMINS POV BUT HE SAID HIMSELF THAT SHE WAS BROKEN IN THE PAST BUT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THAT ANYMORE.
FOR JINRI, WE CAN'T REALLY SEE IT BECAUSE THE STORY IS WRITTEN IN TAEMINS POV BUT HE SAID HIMSELF THAT SHE WAS BROKEN IN THE PAST BUT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THAT ANYMORE.
IT IS NOT EASY TO WRITE STORIES WITH TIME JUMPS AND TO SHOW HOW THE CHARACTERS CHANGED OVER THE TIME BUT YOU ARE DOING A REALLY GOOD JOB WITH IT.
WE CAN SEE REALLY GOOD HOW THEY CHANGED BUT ALSO THAT THERE ARE THINGS THAT STAYED THE SAME LIKE TAEMIN IS STILL SMOKING AND JINRI IS STILL SAYING THAT HE WILL DIE SOMEDAY BECAUSE OF THAT.
WE CAN SEE REALLY GOOD HOW THEY CHANGED BUT ALSO THAT THERE ARE THINGS THAT STAYED THE SAME LIKE TAEMIN IS STILL SMOKING AND JINRI IS STILL SAYING THAT HE WILL DIE SOMEDAY BECAUSE OF THAT.
WHAT I ALSO LIKE HERE IS THAT THROUGH THE TIME JUMPS WE SEE CLEAR HOW THEY CHANGE BUT WE ALSO LEARN SOMETHING NEW LIKE THAT TAEMINS MOTHER DIED OR THAT HE WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL CALLED EMMA.
IT IS REALLY INTERESTING LIKE THAT AND IT IS A WAY NOT MANY AUTHORS USE TO SHOW THE CHANGES OF THEIR CHARACTERS.
CHARACTER'S RELATIONS (5/5) - THE DIALOGS BETWEEN THE CHARACTERS ARE EASY TO UNDERSTAND AND EASY TO FOLLOW. THEY ARE NICE TO READ LIKE THEY ARE ACTUAL DIALOGS YOU COULD HAVE WITH YOUR OWN FRIENDS WHICH MAKES IT EASY TO FEEL A CONNECTION TO THE CHARACTERS OF YOUR STORY.
OUR DIALOGS ARE ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I WAS ABLE TO ENJOY THE STORY LIKE I DID.
OUR DIALOGS ARE ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I WAS ABLE TO ENJOY THE STORY LIKE I DID.
THE AUTHOR'S MINDSET (39/40)
LOGICALLY (10/10) - AS I ALREADY WROTE ABOVE IT COULD BE HARD TO UNDERSTAND YOUR STORY BECAUSE OF THE TIME JUMPS BUT THAT IS ACTUALLY NOT THE CASE SO YOU DID A REALLY GOOD JOB HERE BECAUSE SO FAR THE STORY MAKES SENSE AS A WHOLE.
ORIGINALITY (10/10) - FOR ME THE STORY IS REALLY ORIGINAL BECAUSE YOU TOOK SOMETHING THAT WAS USED SOME TIMES ALREADY BUT PUT IT IN YOUR OWN WAY SO IT IS REALLY ORIGINAL.
TONE (5/5) - THE STORY HAS THIS TONE THAT IS MYSTERIOUS BUT ALSO HAS THIS VIBE THAT MAKES YOU FEELING THIS CONNECTION TO IT. THERE ARE NO CHAPTERS WHERE THE VIBE WOULD BE WEIRD, OFF OR JUST AS A WHOLE NOT FITTING THE STORY AT ALL.
NARRATION (4/5) - THE POVS IS ALSO REALLY GOOD BECAUSE WE GET TO KNOW THE STORY OUT OF TAEMINS POINT OF VIEW AND YOU STICK TO THAT. SOMETIMES I HAVE TO SAY IT WAS A BIT HARD AT FIRST TO SAY WHOSE POV WE ARE HAVING AT THIS POINT BUT THAT WHEN YOU CONTINUED TO READ YOU CAN SEE MORE CLEARLY THAT IT IS STILL TAEMINS POV.
STORYLINE (10/10) - THE BEGINNING OF YOUR STORY WAS REALLY INTERESTING WITH THESE THOUGHTS ABOUT THE DESTRUCTION THAT EVERYBODY HAS IN HIS OR HER LIFE. I LIKE THIS KIND OF THOUGHTS BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT, WHETHER YOU THINK IT IS TRUE OR NOT AND THAT IS SOMETHING I REALLY LIKE.
YOUR WRITING STYLE IS REALLY INTERESTING AND I LOVED HOW YOU DESCRIBED SO MANY THINGS IN DETAIL WHICH MADE IT EASIER TO HAVE SOME PICTURE ABOUT THE HAPPENINGS IN YOUR STORY IN MIND.
FROM THE FIRST "MEETING" OF JINRI AND TAEMIN ON WE CAN SEE THAT TAEMIN IS FASCINATED OF JINRI, THAT HE IS INTERESTED IN HER SO HE THINKS ABOUT HER OFTEN AND ALSO THAT HE IS SUPPORTING HER IN HIS OWN WAY WHEN IT COMES TO HER DANCING.
THEY GET CLOSER TO EACH OTHER ON THANKSGIVING BECAUSE THEY BOTH STAY IN COLLEGE AND IT SEEMS LIKE SHE WILL BECOME JUST A ONE NIGHT STAND OF TAEMIN BUT TAEMIN CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HER EVEN AGES LATER HE STILL CAN'T.
WE KNOW MANY THINGS IN THE STORY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO TAEMIN BUT THERE ARE STILL THINGS OPEN THAT KEEP YOU CURIOUS ABOUT THE STORY.
WE KNOW MANY THINGS IN THE STORY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO TAEMIN BUT THERE ARE STILL THINGS OPEN THAT KEEP YOU CURIOUS ABOUT THE STORY.
PROPER USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (22/25)
PROPER GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION (7/10) -OVERALL
YOUR GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION WAS NOT BAD BUT THERE WERE A FEW MISTAKES YOU COULD PREVENT BY REREADING THE CHAPTERS YOURSELF OR IF YOU LOOK FOR A BETA-READER.
HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF THE MISTAKES I SAW:
YOUR GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION WAS NOT BAD BUT THERE WERE A FEW MISTAKES YOU COULD PREVENT BY REREADING THE CHAPTERS YOURSELF OR IF YOU LOOK FOR A BETA-READER.
HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF THE MISTAKES I SAW:
I LEAN WITH FOLDED ARM[S] AT THE WINDOWSILL, THE CIGARETTE IS IN MY HAND.
KAI IS STILL SPRAWLED AT [ON] THE FLOOR IN THE BACK. (THIS IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE MISTAKES YOU DO THE MOST)
SHE LOOKS AWAY, AND STOMPS DOWN THE WAY UNTIL I CAN['T SEE HER] NO MORE SEE HER.
EACH ON [IN] THEIR OWN WORLD.
TERMINOLOGY (5/5) - YOUR VOCABULARY IS GOOD, I DIDN'T SEE AN OVERUSE OF ANY SPECIFIC WORDS OR PHRASES.
LANGUAGE BARRIER (10/10) - THERE WAS NO LANGUAGE BARRIER, NO OVERUSE OF THE KOREAN LANGUAGE.
REVIEWER'S ENJOYMENT (5/5)
I REALLY ENJOYED READING YOUR STORY BECAUSE IT IS A PRETTY INTERESTING PLOT AND I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I LIKE TAEMIN AND JINRI AS CHARACTERS IN YOUR STORY. ALSO I LOVE YOUR WRITING STYLE BECAUSE IT IS PLEASANT TO READ.
I AM REALLY SORRY THAT YOUR REVIEW COMES THIS LATE SO I HOPE IT WILL STILL HELP YOU WITH YOUR STORY!
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