Saturday Midnight - GreenGardenPop

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Author: GreenGardenPop
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 12/22/15

Review Completion: 12/22/15
Story Link: Link
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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here)

Characterization - under character development 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Review

 

Title: 10/10

Logical: 3/3

The story title and story thus far has everything to do with one another. 
Eye-catching: 3/3
The title is quite an eye-catcher as it makes one wonder what could be on a Saturday Midnight, as its the end of the first day of weekend so it's interesting. 
Original: 4/4
I'll say it's original as not many people tend to put a particular day of the week and 'midnight' together. 

Description/Foreword: 10/10

Summary: 5/5

The summary is straightforward without giving away anything, it was nicely done. It makes one wonder what kind of mystery musician.  The quote given were sung by Jiyeon but it's left hanging in the foreword to add more curiousity to the readers so I thought that was well done. Also most people wouldn't have expected her to sing it but to say it. 
Appearance: 5/5
It's simple, organize, and neat. Nothing too bothersome and easy to follow. 


Character Development/Showcasing: 9/10

Development: 5/5

I love Jongdae and Jiyeon's characteristics so far. At first Jongdae looks like our typical smart kid who's always studying, but Saturday night and Sunday morning are his breaks from studying and college. So he's not much of a fun character at first and probably stressed from school, but after his encounter with Jiyeon he's easily flustered and troubled by her actions. He also expesses himself as lonely as he's far from home, and instead of spending a weekend with his friends he's actually alone, just waiting for the same sound at midnight. 

 

Jiyeon has this mysterious yet cheerfulness to her. She's easily moved to emotions which means she must have suffered a lot, whether it was being unseen, unheard, or untouched for however long. As it's only an one-shot I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say you will continue to improve each character differently as they continue to meet. 


Relation/Cast: 4/5
I'm iffy on Jiyeon's age as she's described as a 'girl' and Jongdae telling her to go home as a girl shouldn't be out and alone. Usually nowadays one may ask why a girl or woman is outside but wouldn't tell them to go home to their parents. So that was a little of my concern. Otherwise the interaction between Jiyeon and Jongdae flowed quite steadily and naturally. 


Behind the Author's Mind: 39/40

Logical: 10/10

The plot was written well and it makes sense. The characters and story itself seems real enough to where one can easily picture each scene. Most of it though was thanks to your writing style.  
Original: 10/10
So far I haven't read anything like this though there are many dramas, novels, and shows out there and touch upon a relationship between a human and supernatural creature. 
Tone: 5/5
The tone was consistent throughout the story.  

Naration: 5/5

As you said you've switched it from first POV to third POV. I haven't seen your first POV version but switching it to third POV may have done your story justice. So kudos here. 
Storyline: 9/10
If my prediticion is correct Jongdae possibly broke the curse for Jiyeon to become human again? If so I suggest that Jiyeon do not reveal the broken curse until when they meet again. Otherwise I thought the twists were fairly well done. I was a bit surprised and thrown off myself when Jiyeon asked if Jongdae could see, hear, and touch her. With your writing style it's easy to get your readers stuck in the story with the characters and see what they are going through even if you don't reveal too much. It also builds interest in their next meeting. 


Proper Use of the English Language: 24/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 9/10

Punctuation were on point however some sentences were worded awkwardly. Especially the first few sentences, I had to re-read those lines a few times in order to see what was trying to be explained. But if you read the story aloud I'm sure you can catch them since if reading them is confusing then saying them may help you catch those minor errors you've missed. And especially those sentences. 


Termonology: 5/5
Termonologies were your strongest point when it came down to proper grammar, your vast usage of terms really enhanced the story's scenes and made reading a lot more fun, versus repetition of words that bores any readers. 


Language Barrier: 10/10
You kept everything under the English language with no random English-Korean words cross over so I didn't find anything wrong here. 


General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 5/5
I enjoyed the story as it kept me on my toes. It's like I was watching an episode of a drama without a paused option and so I couldn't look away and stop myself from reading once I've started. I'm curious to see what else you may bring to the story and how the two would interact on their second meeting, or how they meet is the real question. 

 

I hope you find this review somewhat helpful, feel free to leave your thoughts below if anything bothers you with my insights. Otherwise, keep writing and I hope this story blows up with lots of readers one day! 

 

Total Points: 97/100 (Please let us know on how we're doing by voting on our poll on the front page. Your feedback is much appreciated!)

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Comments

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WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#1
One more thing. I know the Description and the forward are super long. But I planned this story to be like a Novella/Soap Opera.
It may seem like I'm giving away to much in the Description and The Forward, but as you realize you might notice that I haven't.
There are three main parts to this story:
The Past-Childhood
The Past- Orphans/Teens
The Present- The main setting, in which the forward revealed nothing.

I'm an interactive author, meaning I ask questions at the end and leave hints here and there for the readers to try there best at guessing. (They become more invested in my story this way, lol)
WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#2
-Username : WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
-Profile link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/49463

- Story title : Love Me Right
- Story link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/976222/love-me-right-mpreg-hunhan-taoris-kaisoo-sulay-chanbaek-chenmin

-Genre : OT12, Angst, Mpreg, Fluff, Comedy, Growth, Friendship, Life, and "LEARNING TO LOVE"

- On-going | To be a long fic.

- Reviewer : KaihleeLo

- So The title of the fic is "Love Me Right", but it has nothing to do with the EXO song; even though some would just assume. The reason why I titled it 'Love Me Right' is because 6 of the main characters suffered in their childhood and eventually were orphaned. They don't know how to let themselves love. In particular, Luhan. As for the other 6 'Love' and 'Lust' are two different things.

- So before you read, I would like to point out, that the pacing of the story and the built up is exactly how I planned. I don't want to rush Romance because you don't 'fall in love' over night, and the characters need to mature. Also, there is a pattern to my chapters "The Past" chapters are essentially flashbacks. "The Present" is taking place now. For every 5 "The Present" chapters, it will be followed by 2 "The Past" chapters; Childhood/Teen years.

- I have a reader who offered to proofread my chapters since I had some typos, and I don't have the time to go back and fix them. "I always update between 12 am - 5 am, so that is the main reason". She is still editing the earlier chapters so please realize I am fixing the errors.


Oh gosh this was a lot. I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous, and I wanted to explain the above before you review.
-Tigress-
#3
Chapter 127: Hey can I have someone send me my review here so I can save it?
This archive is non-selectable so I can't save it myself.