NOTE: /Yuri - Chapter 4/6

Poster in progress

(7/10) Title: "Please, Don't Let Me Go!" is long and I can see it plays into the characters'. However, it doesn't really have anything to do with the storyline or plot... (if that made any sense lol). I believe you are more than capable to come up with a more catchy title!

(8/10) Character: Eunhyuk's character stayed the same for me. He didn't developed much, even from his younger days (flashbacks and memories). The only thing I can sense from Eunhyuk is that he's super nice, in fact too nice, and only loves Donghae. However, for Donghae I can see his character from careless to recalling his good times with Eunhyuk. So kudos! The only problem I have is the way each character were introduced. Heechul for instant, he came in when Eunhyuk was with him, but then you didn't mention "Heechul" until halfway through. Siwon as well, he was introduced as Choi for a while. I understand that's his surname/last name, BUT I would have loved it even more if you put "Siwon" instead of "Choi". I mean I would have imagined Siwon instead of Choi Minho (example). Since there's only four chapters so far, I wouldn't expect everyone to start changing so I'm glad only Donghae is developing smoothly. That's a plus! 

(9/10) Originality: The feels felt quite real. Although there wasn't a lot of description, and when there were any I enjoyed them, but other than that I could imagine every scene just fine. The pace was good and the story was easy to follow. 

(33/40) Storyline/Plot: Honestly I flipped my laptop lol, I did not expect such an amazing twist with Siwon and Donghae! And then when his wife came in too, oh gosh I loved it. Although it started out as an ordinary everyday scene, the twists really had me. I love the memories during the beach from both Eunhyuk and Donghae's perspective. I thought that was clever since that was an important scene that changed the two of them. Honestly, I want to see more of why Eunhyuk's mother wanted them to get marry. Why did Donghae grant that wish when he thought it was weird/strange? Also I can't say how old they were.... Are they in their late 30's, early 40's? Say they got marry when Eunhyuk was 20, 20 years into the marriage he would be 40 correct? 

(15/25) Grammar/Errors: I know English isn't your first language but I bet if you proofread, your story would have been more enjoyable. I personally don't mind reading stories with errors, but when I read stories where errors pop up in every other paragraphs, it really takes the fun and enjoyment away from it. A lot of the character's names' were not capitalize, a lot of punctuation were misplaced, etc. Please proofread or use Microsoft word for mispell checks. 

been = being* 

this = these* 

Original: Back then, Donghae was still distance but he would come to Eunhyuk, after Eunhyuk's  mother died in a car accident 25 years ago, Eunhyuk's dad committed suicided, only leaving behind a  letter that told the boys how he couldn't live without his wife and how incomplete he would feel if he decided to continue his life, it also said his mother's only wish, and that was to see her only son happy with the person he love, and that it was her wish to see Eunhyuk and Donghae married. (This is ONE sentence, but you could have cut them into different sentences.) 

Suggestion: Even though Dongahe was distant from the others back then, he would still approach Eunhyuk. When Eunhyuk's mother passed away in a car accident 25 years ago, his father also committed suicide due to being unable to cope with her death. He left a note behind explaining how incomplete he would feel to continue living without her. The note also mentioned his mother's last wish, to see him happy with the person he love, meaning to see Eunhyuk and Donghae marry. 

Original: Choi walk to Eunhyuk's desk, he pick up one of Eunhyuk's test,he chuckle," you, got to be kidding me,poor children. They can bearly pass my Korean class and your giving them this crap." He tru the papers on the desk, scattering the papers over the others, Eunhyuk narrow his eyes up to choi who only smirk in victory.

Suggestion: Choi walks to Eunhyuk's desk, picking up one of his tests and chuckles, "You got to be kidding, poor children. They can barely pass my Korean class and you're giving them this crap." He threw/toss the papers on the desk letting it scattered with the others. Eunhyuk narrow his eyes up to Choi who only smirked victoriously. 

Eunhyuk smile," You know, this kids are smart they only need motivation to succeed, and let's be honest your class's boring compared to mine." Eunhyuk collect the papers in order smiling at the other man. 

Suggestion: Eunhyuk smile, "You know, these kids are smarter than you think. They only need motivation to succeed, and let's be honest, your class's boring compare to mine." Eunhyk collect the papers in order while smiling at the latter/other man.

"Whatever, that's not why I'm here, I came here only to invite you and your wife to my wife's dinner, she insisted. She said you were a hilarious guy since that day in novermber when she came to deliver my brief case I left at home, and said she wish to know you're wife." Choi sat on one of the desks as he spoke.

Suggestion: "Whatever, that's not why I'm here. I came here only to invite you and your wife to my wife's dinner, she insisted. She said you were a hilarious guy since that day when she came to deliever my briefcase I left at home back in November, and she wanted to meet your wife."Choi sat on one of the desks as he spoke. 

Original: The first thing he saw behind his eyelids was his thirteen self and the thirteen  Hae, Donghae smiling at him, wishing him Goodnight.And his old thirteen self.'Night. ' (Also it was mentioned that Dongae was at least a year or two younger than Eunhyuk but they're both 13 here(?)." 

Suggestion: The first thing he saw when he shut his eyes was a 13 years old Donghae smiling at him and wishing him goodnight, and then himself as 13 again saying night. 

Original: He open his eyes at the sound of his  alarm clock . He was in his room,on his bed, he check for his annoying clock who never stop ringing. Sighing he stood up from his comfy bed. Shutting off the alarm he saw that it was only five in the morning.

Suggestion: He open his eyes to the sound of his alarm clock. He was in his room, lying on his bed, then check the annoying clock that wouldn't stop ringing. Sighing, he stood up from his comfy bed to shut the alarm. It was only five in the morning. 

(4/5) Overall Enjoyment: Again, the twist got me! I loved it really! The grammar did make me lose interest but putting grammar aside, it's a story I would read and a drama I would watch! I subscribed and upvoted~I'll be waiting for the last two chapters because I want to know what's going to happen and how it's going to end. So keep writing, I'll keep readint till the end!

To Eunhyuk: HWAITING! (T_T)

(76/100) Points Total

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:

The story it self. : Loved the storyline. Rare and interesting!
Does it capture your attention. : The title, I would never click to read it base on the title alone. But that would have been my loss! Because the storyline and description was beautiful~!
Do you know what's happening. : I do and I want to see more~! I need more of HyukHae moment!
Can you feel the emotions the characters are feeling. : Yes, and I especially feel bad for Eunhyuk! He's so innocent, Donghae should have given him more attention and time! Honestly! Love Heechul's personality in here (btw). He really regret pairing them together.
Am I doing the job correctly. : Exactly what job? Your story views, subscribers, and upvote says it all! Kudos~!

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