Story Pick Up: 

Tonight(이 밤)

Note: Six chapters (Spoiler Alert)

Not going to beat around the bush, it is a turn off for a title. Without the poster, I wouldn't have gotten why and what reasons were behind titling the story 'Tonight' along with Korean characters. I'm sure the title may have something to do with the story, again by referring to the poster. Otherwise it's a boring one-term title. Though I doubt you would want to change the title now, I would have suggested something else more catchy or at least more than one word. 

Like would you read a story titled 'Love' or would you read one titled 'Love Gone Cold". It's interesting how Haewon majored in film, cause I took film class (I'm sure you did too, you seem to know quite a bit about it) some time ago and we were asked to re-titled a film. If I was given that same assignment now, I would have suggested "Loving Her Other Side" or something along that line. But that's just me, maybe 'Tonight' may turn out to be the best title for your story since the story is still ongoing. But it's not a unique or refreshing title. 

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Character: (8/10)

Obviously the characters include all of YG family and some original character, however I'm only going to be focusing on our Haewon and Mino as they're the main characters. First off I'm familiar with Winner as a group, etc, but I do not follow them. I wish there were more description as to how each member looked and especially Haewon. Even a paragraph of the character's hair color, attire, and pose would give readers a better idea of how the character dressed, look, etc. Otherwise I applaud you for keeping their personalities consistant. Character development is probably the hardest part of a story, as one has to build up on one's character without changing their character dramatically. 

I'm a fan of Haewon's personality, actually I feel like she reacted the way I would have reacted in certain scenes. But what I liked about her the most was as I mentioned before, her consistency throughout the six chapters. She was always this strong, independent, mature woman who doesn't fall under a stupidty or fictional moment. For example how some character just change from being super emotional, kind and caring, and then something happened and BAM they're evil or starts scaring off their opponents. (Bad example but I'm sure you got what I meant). 

Mino on the other hand was always on the go, meeting with friends, working around friends, watching dramas, and traveling. Yet at the same time he could manage his time wisely and used it for his own satisfaction. For instance how he would always bother Haewon and how he knows when to comfort or , even when she wasn't going to buy it. It works, Mino is a lot like Mino, not to mention his character in the story. Cause he's obviously the rapper in Winner under YG. 

Anyway, I had to deduct two points because of all of the characters that really wasn't necessary to include. Not to mention if any non YG stan reads the story, they may not know who iKon is or how Bobby and B.I look like, etc. And that's when most stories tend to scare away readers, their limitless cast that are being thrown in together in one scene (in particular). 

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Originality: (9/10)

I can't say the story is original cause I've seen and read stories where one of the twins would die and then their lover or ex-lover would fall for the living twin. But I have to admit, you made this story your own. Sure, it looks like it's just another idol loving a living twin, but the little things you added into the story certainly spiced it up. For example, Haewon being in film and is training to become a director. And her connection certainly got her places and especially an opportunity to work with YG. And that was a clever move, because unlike many idolsxoc stories, where the girl just suddenly becomes an idol's maid, etc, and then the idol just give all of their attention to that one maid. Cliche. But this was definitely your story and you made it work. 

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Story-line/Plot: (32/40)

Eight points was mainly dropped because of the flow of the storyline. Honestly, though the character's personalities were consistant, the way the story flowed was absolutely choppy. Every scene, it's like you were just starting to paint this beautiful picture but then half way you cut it off and left the bottom of the page blank, and just allow the wet paint to dripped down the page. It really ruined the mood of the story and rushed most scenes. 

What made it incredibly choppy was the usage of Korean hangul. From personal experiences I've seen, witnessed, and been told that people do not like it. It doesn't make the story any better. I even saw how some Koreans on this page admit that it's annoying when they see their own language being applied within an English text. Because sometimes it could be spelled wrong, etc. Especially if you're not Korean or does not know enough Korean. I hated how I had to read an English dialogue and then at certain point there's Korean text, and then a little translation on the side. I mean it would have been great if it was just a simple 'hyung' or a term I can pick up just by scanning and without having to stop reading just to pronounce the whole word, and then try to say it out loud then finally understand it. And honestly, if someone else is writing their story in English but then I saw them putting in my native tongue's language randomly, it would probably turn me off too. And I know 'hyung' may sound better than 'brother' or 'big brother' in English but many would still prefer some sort of English or the character's name instead of a lot of Korean words. 

And as I said before painting the half picture for the readers. I understand if they were cliffhangers. But it just how majority of the scenes ended before I could even get into the mood and feel of it. Or how it ends without any warning and just left me sitting there like 'okay, what happened next then?'.

Also not everything are described, scenes are skipped and run through quickly by sentences such as (these are made up examples) 'he walk over and told them he had to leave and left.' or 'he had to go to the bathroom so he went to tell the teacher, but the teacher said he can't go until after class. He got mad but obeyed the teacher's words.' Like why would the author do this to us if the one who went to ask is the main character? I mean, can't we get some more emotions out of this? Like his expression or how the teacher answered him? Or how did he ask the teacher? Was he being nice, mean, serious, or joking about it? 

Anyway, I think you got my point on the flow of the story. As I said under "Originality" I think this story was still a great story with a great potential storyline nonetheless. The storyline is something that one can image happening in real life. There was definitely logic and thorough research behind this story. Kudos there.

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Grammar/Errors: (23/25)

I spotted quite a bit of grammar issues but I couldn't show them to you since you had disable text selection on. But here are the common errors I saw near the beginning. But judging from your English alone I can tell you're quite fluent. I put the Korean part under storyline but I think I've beat that down enough for you to get my point. 

Women = multiple woman vs. woman = a single female

Though = 'even though' vs. thought = 'I thought/think'

Everyone vs. every one. 

Example: "I love everyone here!" vs. "I love every one of you here!" 

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Over All Enjoyment: (4/5)

I enjoyed this story nonetheless just because I really like Haewon's character. I wish you'll continue to keep her as a strong leading female character even when your Mino feels flood in and all you want to do is writer about him. (We're all guilty of this, trust me.) But gosh, as someone who's not a big time Winner fan, you certainly got me reading from beginning to end without feeling like I was forcing myself, so great job. 

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Total Score (80/100)

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Bonus: *Your questions and focuses for me*

the flow of the story...is it going too fast or too slow...? and the characters...

Hopefully I've done my part properly and answered your questions~

Feel free to message me if you have any further questions.
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