Lewd Melody - sunflowerpots

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Story Details

 

Author: sunflowerpots
Reviewed By: kpoperrose

Requested Date: 12/23/15

Review Completion: 01/01/15
Story Link: Link
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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here)

The author wanted me to focus on whether Zitao was acting realistically in the story. I see no problem with how realistic Zitao was written. Zitao was first infatuated with Yifan but then it blossomed into love because he felt lonely as Sehun was on a business trip.

 

 

 

Review

 

Title: 10/10

Logical: 3/3

The title relates to the story.


Eye-catching: 3/3
The title is eye-catching because it is unique and sounds very sophisticated.


Original: 4/4

I haven't encountered a fic with the same title.

Description/Foreword: 10/10

Summary: 5/5

The summary was well-written and very intriguing. It really made me want to read the story.


Appearance: 5/5
Everything was arranged neatly.


Character Development/Showcasing: 9/10

Development: 5/5

The character development in this story was very good. Zitao is a kind man who cares very much for his husband. This is why he feels so lonely without the comoany of Sehun and wishes for Sehun to return faster. 

Yifan is Ren's, Zitao's brother, piano teacher who appears cold and snobbish at first. He turns out to be a caring and a fun person to talk to. He starts falling in love with Zitao and vice versa.

Sehun is a very caring husband towards Zitao. Despite making his wedding vows at the age of 18, he takes them very seriously.


Relation/Cast: 4/5
The realtionships of the characters are nicely deceloped and written.

Zitao and Sehun have been married since they were young. They love each other unconditionally. This is shown by both parties. Despite Zitao falling in love with Yifan, he still awaits Sehun's arrival every single day and tries not to act on his love in fear that he will break Sehun's heart. Despite Sehun being chated on, he still forgives Zitao because he wants to honor their wedding vows. He also still loves Zitao a lot and felt as if Zitao's act of adultery was his fault. I docked a point because Sehun's reaction towards Zitao's confession was too good to be true.

Zitao and Yifan started falling in love because of their frequent encounters. Their share a deep connection and try to refrain from acting upon their love. However, Yifan and Zitao finally break the night Sehun announced he was going to come home. Because the story was written in Zitao's point of view, the readers can see that Zitao loves Yifan a lot, maybe even more than he loves Sehun. However, he still feels obligated to be a good husband towards Sehun.


Behind the Author's Mind: 39/40

Logical: 10/10

The story makes sense and doesn't have any insensible elements. This also depicts a story of forbidden love.


Original: 9/10
I haven't adultery written this way so it's pretty original.


Tone: 5/5
The story was written in a sophisticated tone. It also showed foreshadowing of the adultery awaiting to happen.

 

Naration: 5/5

The tenses used were consistent and was written in Zitao's point of view.


Storyline: 10/10
The story was very smooth and paced nicely.


Proper Use of the English Language: 25/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 10/10

There were no grammatical errors.


Termonology: 5/5
The vocabulary was expanded.


Language Barrier: 10/10
There were no overused Korean phrases.


General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 5/5
This was a fresh and nicely written perspective on forbidden love. This was also beautifully written and the story wasn't difficult to read.

 

Total points: 98/100

 

A little note from me

This story has officialy become one of my favourite fics in the exo fandom  I loved how the story was written and the plot. I especially liked the title. This is the highest score I've ever given to a fic. Great job and I hope you continue to write awesome fics. Sorry for the wait for the review. Hopefully, you found this review helpful. Fighting, author-nim!^^

 

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Comments

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WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#1
One more thing. I know the Description and the forward are super long. But I planned this story to be like a Novella/Soap Opera.
It may seem like I'm giving away to much in the Description and The Forward, but as you realize you might notice that I haven't.
There are three main parts to this story:
The Past-Childhood
The Past- Orphans/Teens
The Present- The main setting, in which the forward revealed nothing.

I'm an interactive author, meaning I ask questions at the end and leave hints here and there for the readers to try there best at guessing. (They become more invested in my story this way, lol)
WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#2
-Username : WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
-Profile link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/49463

- Story title : Love Me Right
- Story link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/976222/love-me-right-mpreg-hunhan-taoris-kaisoo-sulay-chanbaek-chenmin

-Genre : OT12, Angst, Mpreg, Fluff, Comedy, Growth, Friendship, Life, and "LEARNING TO LOVE"

- On-going | To be a long fic.

- Reviewer : KaihleeLo

- So The title of the fic is "Love Me Right", but it has nothing to do with the EXO song; even though some would just assume. The reason why I titled it 'Love Me Right' is because 6 of the main characters suffered in their childhood and eventually were orphaned. They don't know how to let themselves love. In particular, Luhan. As for the other 6 'Love' and 'Lust' are two different things.

- So before you read, I would like to point out, that the pacing of the story and the built up is exactly how I planned. I don't want to rush Romance because you don't 'fall in love' over night, and the characters need to mature. Also, there is a pattern to my chapters "The Past" chapters are essentially flashbacks. "The Present" is taking place now. For every 5 "The Present" chapters, it will be followed by 2 "The Past" chapters; Childhood/Teen years.

- I have a reader who offered to proofread my chapters since I had some typos, and I don't have the time to go back and fix them. "I always update between 12 am - 5 am, so that is the main reason". She is still editing the earlier chapters so please realize I am fixing the errors.


Oh gosh this was a lot. I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous, and I wanted to explain the above before you review.
-Tigress-
#3
Chapter 127: Hey can I have someone send me my review here so I can save it?
This archive is non-selectable so I can't save it myself.