Near Death Experience - sonnet_sartori
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SONNET_SARTORI
REQUEST ON: 12/31/15
REVIEWER: BLACKROSESTEARS
FINISHED ON: 1/16/15
SCORE: 89/100
TITLE: (8/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - THE TITLE MAKES TOTALLY SENSE TOGETHER WITH THE PLOT OF THE STORY SO I CAN SEE WHY YOU CHOSE IT.
EYE-CATCHING (3/3) - IT DOES CATCH ATTENTION BECAUSE NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES ARE SOMETHING THAT FASCINATES THE PEOPLE SO THIS WILL MAKE THEM WANT TO READ YOUR STORY.
ORIGINAL (2/4) - SADLY IT IS NOT REALLY AN ORIGINAL TITLE, THERE ARE PLENTY OF STORIES WITH THE SAME OR A SIMILAR TITLE SO IT TAKES AWAY THE ORIGINALITY OF YOUR STORY.
STORY'S FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION (10/10)
STORY'S SUMMARY (5/5) - HONESTLY, I LIKE PLOTS THAT SHOW THE READER SOMETHING IMPORTANT AND YOU WERE ABLE TO SHOW JUST BY READING THE FOREWORD THAT THERE IS A MESSAGE IN YOUR STORY. IT ALREADY SOUNDS INTERESTING AND MADE ME CURIOUS ABOUT THE ACTUAL STORY.
THEN THERE IS ALSO THE LITTLE PIECE OF THE STORY, IT IS LIKE WE CAN READ A BIT OF THE STORY BEFORE THE ACTUAL STORY TO FIND OUT WHETHER WE LIKE YOUR WRITING STYLE OR NOT WHICH IS PRETTY GOOD.
APPEARANCE (5/5) - EVERYTHING IS IN A GOOD STRUCTURE AND CLEAN SO IT IS GOOD TO READ AND EASY TO UNDERSTAND.
CHARACTERS/CASTS (6/10)
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (3/5) - WE CAN CLEARLY SEE AND UNDERSTAND HOW MINHO CHANGED IN THE STORY BECAUSE OF THE NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE BUT STILL IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO SEE MORE OF THE CHARACTERS.
THE WAY IT IS RIGHT NOW WE CAN'T SEE THE CHANGES OURSELVES, IT IS ONLY YOU WRITING ABOUT IT SO WE CAN'T HELP BUT TO JUST BELIEVE IT.
THE WAY IT IS RIGHT NOW WE CAN'T SEE THE CHANGES OURSELVES, IT IS ONLY YOU WRITING ABOUT IT SO WE CAN'T HELP BUT TO JUST BELIEVE IT.
SURE, IT IS JUST AN ONE-SHOT BUT IT STILL WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CHARACTERS THAT WE COULD SAY IT OURSELVES AS THE READER THAT MINHO CHANGED.
CHARACTER'S RELATIONS (3/5) - IT IS LIKE IN THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, IT WOULD BE NICE TO SEE MORE ABOUT THEIR RELATION WITH EACH OTHER TO FEEL A CONNECTION BETWEEN THEM, TO FEEL WITH THEM BECAUSE LIKE THAT IT WAS OKAY BUT SOMEHOW LACKING.
I WOULD SUGGEST A SCENE BEFORE OR AFTER THEY GOT TOGETHER TO SHOW A BIT MORE ABOUT THEIR BOND.
THE AUTHOR'S MINDSET (36/40)
LOGICALLY (10/10) - THE WHOLE STORY MAKES SENSE IN ITS WAY SO THERE IS NOTHING THAT I CAN "COMPLAIN" ABOUT.
ORIGINALITY (10/10) - THE IDEA OF THE PLOT IS REALLY INTERESTING AND I DIDN'T READ A STORY WITH THIS IDEA BEFORE SO FOR ME IT IS SOMETHING ORIGINAL.
TONE (5/5) - I LIKE THE ATMOSPHERE OF THE STORY BECAUSE IT STARTED WITH THIS MAGIC VIBE BUT CHANGED INTO SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAT FITS THE SITUATION, IT ALSO MADE IT NICE TO READ THE STORY.
NARRATION (5/5) - THE POVS ARE GOOD AND THERE WERE NO CHANGES DURING ONE POV INTO THE OTHER SO IT WAS EASY TO UNDERSTAND THE PERSONS POINT OF VIEWS.
STORYLINE (6/10) - THE BEGINNING OF YOUR STORY IS REALLY INTERESTING BECAUSE OF THIS HINT TO THIS SUPERNATURAL THINKING THAT MINHO DOESN'T BELIEVE IN BUT LATER HAS TO REALIZE THAT WHAT JUST HAPPENED WAS WHAT HIS GRANDMOTHER TOLD HIM ABOUT. SO HE CAN DECIDE NOW ON HIS OWN WHETHER HE WANTS TO BELIEVE THAT IT WAS THE REASON WHY HE HAD THE ACCIDENT OF NOT.
YOUR DESCRIPTIONS SO FAR WERE PRETTY GOOD AND NICE TO READ TO PICTURE THE STORY IN YOUR HEAD.
BUT THE FLOW OF THE STORY WAS A BIT TOO FAST FOR A ONE-SHOT BECAUSE ONE SECOND MINHO WAS IN AN SERIOUS ACCIDENT AND IN THE NEXT MINUTE HE IS WITH TAEMIN TELLING HIM THAT HE LOVES HIM.
SURE´, I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT HE WANTED TO CONFESS RIGHT AWAY BUT IT WAS JUST SO FAST THAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HAVE SOMETHING IN BETWEEN LIKE A LONGER SCENE WITH TAEMIN BEFORE MINHO COMES AND MAYBE JUST LIKE I MENTIONED ABOVE SOME TO SHOW MORE OF THEIR RELATION AND THAT THEY ACTUALLY ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER.
YOUR DESCRIPTIONS SO FAR WERE PRETTY GOOD AND NICE TO READ TO PICTURE THE STORY IN YOUR HEAD.
BUT THE FLOW OF THE STORY WAS A BIT TOO FAST FOR A ONE-SHOT BECAUSE ONE SECOND MINHO WAS IN AN SERIOUS ACCIDENT AND IN THE NEXT MINUTE HE IS WITH TAEMIN TELLING HIM THAT HE LOVES HIM.
SURE´, I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT HE WANTED TO CONFESS RIGHT AWAY BUT IT WAS JUST SO FAST THAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HAVE SOMETHING IN BETWEEN LIKE A LONGER SCENE WITH TAEMIN BEFORE MINHO COMES AND MAYBE JUST LIKE I MENTIONED ABOVE SOME TO SHOW MORE OF THEIR RELATION AND THAT THEY ACTUALLY ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER.
PROPER USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (25/25)
PROPER GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION (10/10) - THERE WERE NO MAJOR MISTAKES IN YOUR STORY THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN DISTURBING WHILE READING THE STORY.
TERMINOLOGY (5/5) - YOUR VOCABULARY WAS PRETTY GOOD TOO, NO OVERUSE OF SOME WORDS OR PHRASES.
LANGUAGE BARRIER (10/10) - THERE WAS ALSO NO OVERUSE OF THE KOREAN LANGUAGE IN YOUR STORY THAT COULD HAVE BEEN DISTURBING.
REVIEWER'S ENJOYMENT (4/5)
OVERALL I DID ENJOY YOUR STORY BUT I COULD HAVE ENJOY IT MORE BECAUSE OF THE REASONS I MENTIONED ABOVE. SO I HOPE THIS REVIEW WILL BE HELPFUL FOR THIS STORY BUT ALSO FOR YOUR FUTURE WORK.
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