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Author: KaihleeLo
Reviewed By: Natocuty

Requested Date: 11/00/16

Review Completion: 11/00/16
Story Link: Link
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Title: 6.5/10

Logical: 3/3

The title fits the story like a glove. It summarizes the entire plot with a few words. 
Eye-catching: 1.5/3
The title actually gives away the plot which is a shame but then again the choices are truly limited aren't they? How about, "The Jerk & I" ? Or has it already been used? I'm not too sure. There's also the "Two faced angel" seeing how Luhan's angelic looks are deceiving. 
Original: 2/4
I've seen many stories with a similar title or idea, if it's not three months, it's a year, if it's not that it's usually "Living with the jerk", "My life with a jerk called ..." or something like that. 

Description/Foreword: 7/10

Summary: 3/5

You didn't need to introduce each one of the main characters since we will be getting to know them as we further progress into the story. That being said the summary is a bit too long and gives away too much of the plot, you didn't need to specify or talk about the bet Luhan sets since it doesn't come until later. Just state the general idea of the story in a few sentences. Remember the summary should always be short and precise.
Appearance: 4/5
It's neatly written. Although I would lay off on the colors.

Character Development/Showcasing: 5/10

Development: 2.5/5

I apologize in advance but I'm going to be quite harsh regarding this point. As I was reading it occured to me that your characters have no depth whatsoever. Ji Eun is sassy, foul-mouthed, rash, stubborn and completely oblivious most of the times. While I greatly like and appreciate the fact that she doesn't sport the common characteristics of a damsel in distress, she lacks depth and that makes it harder for the reader to sympathize and connect with her. The reader needs to know more about Ji Eun. Her identity needs to be crystal clear. I mean, who is she really? What are her aspirations? Her future dreams? Her likes and dislikes? Her past? How was her childhood like? So many questions with few answers. 

Now, Luhan is an idol, he's famous, handsome, loved by many and admired by others and that's great but that's also superficial. Okay, his jerky attitude is indeed apparent but what made him be this way? Why does act like that? There must be a reason. Was he always like this? If so, why? Some snippets or scenes should have been written regarding his relationship with his parents and most importantly his brother. Does his nasty attitude remain the same when he's interacting with his sibling? Does he resent his parents for being unsupportive of his dreams? There's a lot of mystery surrounding him. His past isn't clear. You've given some bits and pieces but that's not enough. As far as I'm concerned Luhan is your typical whose personality undergoes a few changes as he falls for the leading lady. He starts showing his warm side while maintaining his witty comments. But that's not enough. What makes your "Luhan" different from the other characters who display the same type of characteristics? What sets him apart from them? He needs to be his own person. He needs his own background. His own story, etc. if not he'll seem rather plain, a character who'll be easily forgotten and disregarded. 

On the other hand, Kwangmin is the complete opposite of Luhan. He's sweet, kind, gentle, polite etc. He's a real gentleman, the type of man any girl would fall for but that's all that is to him. Again, there is no depth. And, he seems too good to be true. Too perfect. And that makes it hard for the reader to identify with him. Humans by nature are flawed but Kwangmin's character is not, not really and that distances him from the reader.

Su-Yung's the only one who has a back-story, one that helped explain her actions and attachment to Luhan. She sees him as her savior, the only person she has left after her family's death and it's only natural for her to grow fond of him and to feel threatened by Ji Eun. I wish you'd devoted a chapter or half a chapter to further explain her family's death and the way it affected her and how Luhan came into play etc. 

Su-Bin is the sidekick, the protoganist's loyal friend and confidant. It would have been nice if you'd given us more information about her other than her crazy adoration with EXO and especially Kai. At first it wasn't apparent that she truly liked him and why would she? She barely knows him, I thought she was acting like an overly obssessive fangirl but she wasn't, her feelings were apparently genuine, weren't they? You should have insisted on that. 

You need to work more on your characters. Try to make sense of who they are, of who you want them to be. Clearly define their identities as individuals so that the reader can relate and connect with them in a way. 

Relation/Cast: 2.5/5
Why did Ji Eun fall for Luhan? Why did Luhan fall for Ji Eun? Is it due to the small, sweet gestures he sometimes did? But was that even enough? She had never seen his vulnerable side (Maybe once when he talked about his parents but they were already together by then), she had never seen the real Luhan so why? Why would she fall for a conceited jerk like him? And he, what made Ji Eun so different than other girls? Why choose her over Su-Yung? Is it because she dares to defy him? I mean their relationship has no true foundation. It follows most cliché stories : Two people who start off by hating one another, incessantly bickering here and there and cursing each other end up falling in love or do they? I really liked the ending. It was truly unexpected although I believe that Luhan did fall for Ji Eun, if not why would he waste another three months with her but something made him say and do what he did but I do believe he was at times truly genuine with her. But their relationship was a bit superficial. They barely knew anything about each other (Although they've been living together for more than three months) never once had they talked about serious issues, never once had Luhan confided in her, had told her about his parents (He did mention a few things but it was more or less vague).

Okay, so Kwangmin always had a crush on Ji Eun, even when she was crushing on him if that's the case why didn't he do something about it? Why did he decide to confess to another girl? I would have liked it, if you focused more on his feelings, on his thoughts before and after confessing it would have helped the reader sympathize with him more because that was truly hard for me. Having a one-sided love/crush is truly hard and you should have insisted on that. Sure, Ji Eun felt bad thanks to her observations we were able to tell that Kwangmin was going through hell but if would have been better if we were able to see things from his point of vue as well. 

Now, the thing that annoyed me the most was the Su Bin, Baekhyun and Kai fiasco. Why didn't you shed more light on it? I was really looking forward to seeing how things would unfold before the three but you just glided through the whole ordeal which was a real shame. You should have added more moments, real moments between Su Bin, Kai and Baekhyun. We should have also gotten an insight on how she felt before and after the confrontation with Kai. What did he say to her? Why didn't he give her a chance? What did she like about him? What made her fall for him? (Again she barely knew him) What about Baekhyun? Did she confront him? Did she tell him the truth? Did they confront one another? etc. So many things should have been addressed but weren't. 

More light should have also been shed on Luhan and Su-Yung's relationship. 

Now for Hanna, her introduction was unexpected and there was barely one anyway we know nothing about her than the fact that she was Kwangmin's childhood friend. Of course her love for him shouldn't be forgotten but you could have exploited her presence/appearance in another way. She also has a one-sided crush on Kwangmin just as he has a one-sided crush on Ji Eun therefore the pain and heartache each one of them was going through could have been highlighted. After all, they share more things in common than they think.
Behind the Author's Mind: 20.5/40

Logical: 5/10

Too predictable. Everything was too predictable. The characters reactions, actions, dilemmas etc. and that lessened the fun of the entire reading process. The story kept on dragging during the first ten-fifteen chapters nothing of importance was happening, it was the same old same, no new revelations, no insight on some of the characters, no nothing and that was truly disappointing. And even when Ji Eun and Luhan got together nothing new emerged as in Luhan's background remained a mystery, some informations were given but they weren't enough. They didn't even bother to get to know each other on a deeper level.
Original: 5/10
The plot-line was pretty predictible and for the lack of a better term extremely cliché. Due to certain circumstances Luhan and Ji Eun end up living under the same roof, they start off on the wrong foot, both completely despising one another but soon this hatred blossoms into something more, it turns into love. Of course they face many hard-ships and misunderstandings but manage to salvage their relationship. Su-Yung the antagonist tries to get in between them but fails. All in all the plot-line has been overly used before. However, the ending was unexpected, it actually saved the story in a way. Turns out Luhan had been playing Ji Eun all along. He had managed to make her fall for him in three months, winning the bet he had set in the beginning and breaking her heart. Although I do believe his feelings for her were genuine, because why would he put up with her for an additional three months if they weren't? 
Tone: 2.5/5
It could have been better if you chose to focus on all of your characters instead of a few, then again, the use of the first person does limit you and the going back and forth makes the reader a bit dizzy. Next time don't bring too many characters into light if you aren't going to expand on their story-lines such as the Subin-Kai & Baekhyun fiasco. It would have been nice if you had given more of an insight on Kwangmin and Su Yung, their feelings, turmoils etc. they are a part of the main cast after all. 

Naration: 3/5

The use of the third person would have been more convenient. Instead of going back and forth between the two main lead's point of views we would have gotten a wider overview of everything that was going on and it would have been easier for you to describe the emotions of each and every character.
Storyline: 5/10
Just as I mentioned before the story-line is rather predictible and the idea has been overly used before. The story kept on dragging during the first fifteen chapters, nothing of insignificance was happening. The two main leads kept on bickering as usual and remained as stubborn as they already were, no revelations took place, nothing helped advance their relationship to something more aside from the evident of course, we weren't able to learn more about them, they weren't able to get to know one another on a deeper level and that was truly disappointing. However, the ending was a breath of fresh air, it was different, unexpected and interesting. 

Proper Use of the English Language: 20/25

No grave errors were present but some sentences were badly structured and some small mistakes could be found. I suggest you get someone to proof-read your work before posting it. 

A few examples : “…It’s back to me” it should be his back to me since you are referring to Luhan, a person, a human and not an object or an animal.

“…Entered the living room, to stand” the verb to stand should have been conjugated in the past, therefore, it should have been "and stood" instead of "to stand". 

"You want me to beg for sharing a room" It should be "You want me to beg to share your room"

You should brush up on your conjugation skills.

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 2.5/5
I wasn't a big fan of your story, then again it's not the genre that I personally like and I couldn't relate nor sympathize with any of your characters. However, I do see potential in your writing, if you do take into consideration my remarks I believe you'll be able to improve. Remember, your characters should have a well-thought of back-ground, they should have an identity of their own, that way the reader can see him/herself through them and that's how you get them to remember your story (Especially the characters). 

Hopefully I wasn't too harsh and if I was I apologize. I just hope my remarks could help you one way or another.

Total Points: 61.5/100