Spontaneity - -sputnik-
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-sputnik-
REQUEST ON: 3/22/17
REVIEWER: BLACKROSESTEARS
FINISHED ON: 3/25/17
SCORE: 95/100
TITLE: (7/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - I can totally see the connection between the title and the plot itself and it makes sense too.
EYE-CATCHING (2/3) - I would say yes and now because though I thought it is an interesting title as it can have different meanings about spontaneity at first, it still wasn't like It got me totally hooked up to read the story.
ORIGINAL (2/4) - It is not really an original title as there are many other stories with the same or a similar title.
STORY'S FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION (10/10)
STORY'S SUMMARY (5/5) - I really liked your foreword because though it had something cliche about it, it still was interesting as everybody deals differently with this plot especially after I read your author note which gave away a bit more of a plot that isn't so cliche as you think at first.
APPEARANCE (5/5) - The overall appearance is also good, it is easy to read and not all over the place.
CHARACTERS/CASTS (10/10)
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (5/5) - It probably doesn't look like there is a huge development in your characters to some people because Jongdae "Only" starts doing stuff that is normal for most of the people but it is actually a huge development out of his view.
At the beginning of the story, he was alone and his days looked mostly the same. There was the safety of habituality that Baekhyun breaks from the start. And with more time passing by Jongdae does things that are not part of his everyday life and are not planned at all. And though he is scared and doesn'T want to risk it at first, he does with the help of Baekhyun so this is a huge development.
At the beginning of the story, he was alone and his days looked mostly the same. There was the safety of habituality that Baekhyun breaks from the start. And with more time passing by Jongdae does things that are not part of his everyday life and are not planned at all. And though he is scared and doesn'T want to risk it at first, he does with the help of Baekhyun so this is a huge development.
CHARACTER'S RELATIONS (5/5) - The relationship of Jongdae and Baekhyun is pretty interesting as Baekhyun is just a stranger at first but gets closer to Jongdae over a short time. It doesn't feel like there will be more between them but friends for now and that is good. it feels right as there were no real hints that they feel more for each other than just simple friendship. We can see really well how their friendship is growing from Jongdae not wanting to talk to Baekhyun and getting away as fast as possible to them visiting New York together and Baekhyun helping Jongdae with the spontaneity.
THE AUTHOR'S MINDSET (40/40)
LOGICALLY (10/10) - Though I don't know how it is when you have Asperger's syndrome, I was able to understand Jongdae and the plot made sense like this.
ORIGINALITY (10/10) - At first glance, the story seem to be cliche but after actually reading it, I have to say it was really refreshing to read this kind of plot where the focus is not on some love story but on Jongdae and how life with Asperger is.
TONE (5/5) - The tone of the story fit the situations really well.
NARRATION (5/5) - The whole story was written in Jongdae's point of view and I really liked it because it was easier like that to understand how something that we think is easy, normal, isn't really for him. It made it easier to understand someone who Aspergers better.
STORYLINE (10/10) - The flow of the story was really good as you don't rush from small steps to bigger steps for Jongdae and show that at the beginning, he is afraid to do something spontaneous and slowly becomes more open to it. Though you think that Baekhyun has some motive at first as the reason why he is talking to Jongdae, it is nice to find out that he actually doesn't but is more like he talks to the other because he had no idea who Baekhyun's family is. It is like they are helping each other in a way.
It is great how you casually show through Jongdae how it is hard for him to understand some simple parts of a conversation and how you work towards revealing that he has Asperger. We are moving from some small spontaneous acts to something bigger as they travel to New York just like that and the conclusion at the end that Jongdae can do it step by step.
It is great how you casually show through Jongdae how it is hard for him to understand some simple parts of a conversation and how you work towards revealing that he has Asperger. We are moving from some small spontaneous acts to something bigger as they travel to New York just like that and the conclusion at the end that Jongdae can do it step by step.
PROPER USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (23/25)
PROPER GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION (8/10) - There are some small mistakes that can easily be fixed by yourself or by a beta-reader. Here are some examples:
He had been told by many poeple over the years that that would be strange. → there is a turner in people.
I“It's a secret,” he said. He cut Jongdae's protest off with, “but I'll get you another one tomorrow for exchange of some information?” → The or An exchange
Which was strange, because Jongdae had never payed any attention to his food or drinks – it was sustenance, nothing more. → paid
TERMiNOLOGY (5/5) - Your vocabulary is good, you don't repeat some words or phrases too often but have a variety instead.
LANGUAGE BARRIER (10/10) - There was no overuse of Korean either.
REVIEWER'S ENJOYMENT (5/5)
I really enjoyed reading your story as the plot was really interesting and you are able to understand Asperger and what exactly it is through your story and how someone with it could think.
The flow was nice with the small steps so it didn't feel rushed and I especially liked how you didn't force a love story in it but kept the focus on Jongdae and his Asperger. It also showed in your writing style as you didn't take the focus away from Jongdae through unnecessary descriptions of other things that are not relevant to the plot.
The flow was nice with the small steps so it didn't feel rushed and I especially liked how you didn't force a love story in it but kept the focus on Jongdae and his Asperger. It also showed in your writing style as you didn't take the focus away from Jongdae through unnecessary descriptions of other things that are not relevant to the plot.
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