The First Droplet of Rain - boneofmysword
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BONEOFMYSWORD
REQUEST ON: 5/6/15
REVIEWER: BLACKROSESTEARS
FINISHED ON: 5/6/15
SCORE: 96/100
TITLE: (10/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - THERE IS A CONNECTION BETWEEN THE TITLE AND THE PLOT THAT IT EASY TO SEE SO I CAN TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHY YOU CHOSE THIS TITLE.
EYE-CATCHING (3/3) - PERSONALLY, I LIKE THE TITLE AND THINK IT IS PRETTY EYE-CATCHING BECAUSE IT SOUNDS REALLY INTERESTING AND AT THE SAME TIME WE CAN'T REALLY GUESS WHAT EXACTLY WILL HAPPEN IN YOUR STORY. SO IT REALLY MADE ME CURIOUS ABOUT YOUR ACTUAL STORY AND IT ALSO MADE ME GUESSING THAT RAIN WILL PLAYING AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN IT.
ORIGINAL (4/4) - IT IS AN ORIGINAL TITLE, THERE ARE NO OTHER STORIES WITH THE ABSOLUTE SAME OR A SIMILAR TITLE WHICH MAKES THE TITLE JUST EVEN BETTER.
STORY'S FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION (9/10)
STORY'S SUMMARY (4/5) - YOUR FOREWORD SOUNDS PRETTY INTERESTING, IT MAKES YOU WONDER WHAT EXACTLY WILL HAPPEN IN THE STORY BECAUSE OF THE SHORT INTRODUCTION. IT DOESN'T REVEAL TOO MUCH AND IS ABLE TO RAISE THE CURIOSITY LIKE THAT.
BUT THERE ARE SOME SMALL MISTAKES IN IT:
APPARENTLY, JIYONG ISN'T THE ONLY PERSON WHO DOESN'T [DIDN'T] BRING AN UMBRELLA.
JIYONG FINDS HIMSELF THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS [HAD] NO IDEA THAT IT WILL BE RAINING.
WHEN THE FIRST DROPLET OF RAIN THAT FALLS ON YOU [,] LANDS ON YOUR NOSE,...
APPEARANCE (5/5) - THE APPEARANCE IS OVERALL REALLY GOOD, IT HAS A GOOD STRUCTURE AND IS EASY TO READ AND TO FOLLOW.
CHARACTERS/CASTS (10/10)
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (5/5) - YOU CAN'T REALLY SAY THAT YOUR CHARACTERS CHANGED OVER THE STORY THOUGH JIYONG CHANGES HIS OPINION OF SEUNGRI OVER THE STORY WHEN THEY STARTED TO TALK TO EACH OTHER. SO MAYBE YOU CAN STILL CALL THIS A DEVELOPMENT.
CHARACTER'S RELATIONS (5/5) - THEIR RELATION WAS REALLY REALISTIC THOUGH THEY JUST MET, THEY JUST CLICK. HERE I REALLY LIKED HOW THEY DIDN'T JUMP INTO EACH OTHERS ARMS LIKE THEY DIDN'T JUST MET. YOU TAKE YOUR TIME WITH THEIR MEETING THAT STARTS WITH THEM NOT TALKING TO EACH OTHER AT ALL, JIYONG HAVING A TOTALLY WRONG OPINION OF SEUNGRI UNTIL THEY START TO TALK AND GET CLOSE TO EACH OTHER. THOUGH IT IS ONLY ABOUT AN HOUR THEY ARE TOGETHER IT FEELS LIKE IT IS SO MUCH LONGER AND IT FEELS RIGHT HOW THEIR RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPS.
THE AUTHOR'S MINDSET (39/40)
LOGICALLY (10/10) - THE WHOLE STORY WAS LOGICAL WITHOUT PARTS THAT WERE CONFUSING WHILE READING.
ORIGINALITY (10/10) - IT HAD SOMETHING ORIGINAL IN ITS OWN WAY BECAUSE THERE ARE OTHER STORIES WHERE TWO PEOPLE MEET AND CLICK RIGHT AWAY AND BECOME A COUPLE BUT STILL YOU WERE ABLE TO CREATE A STORY THAT WAS ORIGINAL IN A WAY.
TONE (5/5) - THE ATMOSPHERE OF THE STORY WAS PRETTY NICE BECAUSE TO A PART I WAS ABLE TO FEEL THAT JIYONG IS NERVOUS NEXT TO SEUNGRI WHILE READING IT AND ALSO THE REST OF THE STORY THE TONE FITTED THE SITUATION, THE WAS THIS TENSION IN JIYONG YOU COULD FIND IN THE STORY.
NARRATION (4/5) - OVERALL THERE WAS ONLY THE POV OF JIYONG AND YOU STICKED TO IT SO THERE WERE NO CONFUSION IN THIS POINT. IT WAS REALLY INTERESTING TO SEE HOW JIYONG IS FEELING AND WHAT HE IS THINKING THE WHOLE TIME THOUGH IT WOULD ALSO BE INTERESTING TO SEE WHAT SEUNGRI IS THINKING THE WHOLE TIME, IS IT JUST AS HARD FOR HIM AS IT IS FOR JIYONG TO HOLD BACK? IS HE FEELING THE SAME THINGS AS JIYONG? IS HE ALSO THIS NERVOUS?
STORYLINE (10/10) - THE STORY OVERALL IS GOOD, YOUR DESCRIPTIONS OF SEUNGRIS APPEARANCE IS GOOD, IT MAKES IT PRETTY EASY TO PICTURE HIM IN FRONT OF YOUR EYE WHILE READING THE STORY AND MAYBE EXPLAINS A BIT WHY JIYONG THINKS OF HIM AS A GANG MEMBER AT FIRST. THIS WAS ACTUALLY SOMETHING I REALLY LIKED, THROUGH THE WHOLE STORY BECAUSE IT SHOWS PERFECTLY HOW YOU CAN JUDGE SOMEONE WRONGLY JUST BECAUSE OF THEIR LOOK. BUT JIYONGS CURIOSITY IS STRONGER THAN HIS FEAR OF SEUNGRI BEING A GANG MEMBER SO THEY TALK TO EACH OTHER, THEY GET CLOSER AND EVERYTHING IS SO NOT LIKE IT SEEMED AT FIRST TO JIYONG. IT IS REALLY GOOD HOW THEY ARE START OF SOMEHOW AWKWARD AND GET CLOSER TO EACH OTHER UNTIL THEY KISS WHICH WAS A REALLY CUTE SCENE, IT HAD A DRAMA SCENE FEELING. AND THE ENDING IS JUST PERFECT BECAUSE IT ROUNDS EVERYTHING UP WELL HOW THEY PROMISED EACH OTHER TO MEET AGAIN IN UNIVERSITY.
PROPER USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (23/25)
PROPER GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION (8/10) - OVERALL IT WAS NOT BAD BUT THERE WERE SOME SMALL MISTAKES THAT CAN EASILY BE FIXED AND FOR THAT HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES:
THE RAIN, HOWEVER, DIDN'T SEEM ABOUT TO STOP ANY [TIME] SOONER.
THE OUTERWEAR HAD BEEN MOVED TO THE GUY'S LEFT HAND HE WAS WEARING [A] PERFECT FIT BLACK T-SHIRT AND DARK JEANS.
WHY DOES HE HAVE SUCH [A] SCARY STARE?
...HE FELT AS IF HE WAS BEING A PRETEEN ONCE AGAIN, GETTING CAUGHT RED-HANDEDLY WATCHING GAY IN [ON] DAMI'S LAPTOP YEARS AGO.
TERMINOLOGY (5/5) - YOUR VOCABULARY IS GOOD, THERE IS NO OVERUSE OF ANY PHRASES OR WORDS SO THERE IS NOT REALLY SOMETHING TO SAY HERE.
LANGUAGE BARRIER (10/10) - THERE WAS NO USE OF ANY OTHER LANGUAGES BESIDES ENGLISH THAT COULD BE DISTURBING WHILE READING THE STORY.
REVIEWER'S ENJOYMENT (5/5)
OVERALL, I ENJOYED READING YOUR STORY BECAUSE THE FLOW WAS GOOD AND IT MADE SENSE THROUGH THE WHOLE STORY. EVEN THOUGH I DON'T REALLY READ MUCH FLUFF I HAVE TO SAY IT HAD THE PERFECT AMOUNT OF IT HERE SO I EVEN LIKED THE STRAWBERRY KISS SCENE WHEN I NORMALLY DON'T REALLY LIKE THEM. GOOD JOB WITH THIS STORY!
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