Strange Occurrences

Reviewer: dhaatk
Review for: InfiniteLuxa

Requested on: 12/28/2014
Finished On: 01/16/2015
(I'm terribly sorry for taking so long)

NOTE: 32 Chapters (Spoiler Alert)

(6/10) Title: The title is original, but it doesn't really click with the story for me. I can view the idea of boy falling in love with a girl that he had a crush on some years ago and swore to himself never get hurt again as a “strange occurrence”, but the main topic of the story, which is a love triangle, isn't that strange.

(7/10) Character: At times a few characters were out of it. What concerns their personalities in description and story – they mismatch a little. Kim Myungsoo is described as a playboy, who has zero respect for anyone, but it didn't seem like that to me as I got to read the full story. At first he did seem like such person, but as the story kept going, Myungsoo's character changed, yet in a bad way. It looks like you make characters behave like it is convenient to you as a writer rather than portraying them realistically. Also, I disliked how you included Infinite as both real people, who just practice judo, and a kpop group. I mean, those guys in judo class calling themselves Infinite – what's their reason to do so? Plus, Myungsoo looking exactly the same like a famous idol was not necessary. Speaking in general, you should have paid more attention to your characters. Their decisions and behaviour usually seemed unreasoned as you didn't go into details while describing their feelings and thoughts. Some flaws of characters might be included in storyline section.

(7/10) Originality: At first glance it could be hard to see the story as original because of the love triangle, but giving more attention to details, it appears to have several strong points. For example, when the love triangle is revealed to be an actual love square, it becomes interesting, especially because one of the three people in love with the same guy is of same gender. It adds some spice to the story. The major setting being in a judo class adds points for originality, too.

(27/40) Storyline/Plot: The first thing that caught my eye was the usage of Korean words. As you write in English and any other language is not necessary, please consider your readers and don't use such phrases. “Aiggo” or “Aish” might be familiar to readers who are acquainted with Korean culture a little bit, but such words like “Chageeya”, “Cheodang” confuse and don't add up to the story at all. In Chapter 6, I found it weird and disturbing how Jiyeon was secretly taking pictures of Myungsoo since the 6th grade, but she couldn't recall the event that occurred between her and Myungsoo that ruined their friendship. Also, in Chapter 7 it was illogical for the guy to eat so much food. I understand your need to show how much he eats, but he's not some Goku from Dragon Ball. I was very confused when in Chapter 12 you left out the girl's name. It's obvious that the girl you referred to was Jiyeon, plus you (probably accidentally) did mention her name in the end of flashback. Moving on to Chapter 19, I didn't understand why and how Shinhye fell asleep after a fight. If you wanted to write how Myungsoo slapped her, you could have said that the girl was so exhausted after the fight that she closed her eyes, but Myungsoo thought she fell asleep. Also, I think that in that chapter you should have focused on the protagonist's feelings and decision to flirt with the guy more. In next chapter I was taken aback a little, when they went to the restaurant. Why on earth would some random people stare at Shinhye and Myungso, not to mention take pictures of them? They were just regular people having dinner together. The attitude of some girl, who tried to flirt with Myungso and basically grind herself onto him was unreasonable and I believe unnecessary. I also couldn't reason Myungsoo putting on Jiyeon's jacket in Chapter 25. Ending with the flaws of plot, I can only add that the end was too rushed.
Now let's move on to good things of the storyline. I appreciated Myungsoo and Sungyeol's friendship a lot. Their first presented encounter was awesome, they looked like a married couple, but in a good way. You also showed throughout the chapters very well that Sungyeol was gay, without saying it straightforwardly. The interaction between those guys was adorable and amusing during the Tissue Paper game in Chapter 10. However, in the same chapter Shinhye just made me mad about breaking the simple girl code – no flirting with someone your friend already likes. However, I liked how in next chapter she realized her mistake and tried to avoid Myungsoo by even suggesting that he would give Jiyeon a ride home. As the story went on, it seemed a bit suspicious how neither Myungsoo or Jiyeon remembered liking each other few years ago, but it was a relief when in Chapter 12 it was stated that Myungsoo actually remembered the girl and the distant behaviour was just an act.

(17/25) Grammar/Errors: There were not that little mistakes, but the flow was nice and sentence structure was mainly good. Also, the text contained quite many spelling mistakes, but I didn't mark them all. Here are some of the errors I've managed to catch in first fifteen chapters:
Chapter 1 “hands at hips” – “hands on hips”;
“stumbe” – “stumbled”;
“you're wallet” – “your wallet”;
“he was large eyes with bags” – “he had large eyes with bags under them”;
“white skin” – “had white skin” or “was white-skinned”;
“pout for show” – “put for a show”;
Chapter 2 “uncerimoniously” – “unceremoniously”;
“attacted” – “attacked”;
Chapter 3 “admirerers” – “admirers”;
“leave us along” – there's no such construction in English as “leave along”, it should be “leave us alone”;
“yesturday” –“yesterday”;
“such a expression” – “such an expression”;
“she felt guilty of having not trusted” –“she felt guilty for not trusting”;
“bestest friend” – “best friend”, “best” is already the superlative form on adjective “good”;
“stode off to the science building” – if “stode off” stands for “stand off”, this is wrong usage of word “standoff”, which can never be a verb. To fix the sentence, I suggest using “turned to” or “approached”;
Chapter 7 “wan't” – “want”;
“how close her face was from Myungsoo” – “how close her face was to Myungsoo's”;
“excercise” – “exercise”;
Chapter 15 “what's your birthday?” – “when is your birthday?”.

(3/5) Overall Enjoyment: The story was not bad, but I didn't find it amusing very much either. Errors and misunderstandings in the storyline made it hard for me to read the whole story.

(67/100) Points Total

Feel free to give any further questions.

Please don't forget to credit our shop's logo in your Foreword.