NOTE: 9 Chapters (Spoiler Alert)

(10/10) Title: I love this title, it's very new and very unique. You scored a perfect score here because I can see how it ties with your overall story and it's just perfect for the story. Thank you for not titling it "My Deer God" or something of the sort. The title does not give away the story however it's captivating and interesting. 

(5/10) Character: Sehun, I feel like he did not deserve the role of a strong hunter, aside from the snippets where he threw knives and at the beginning, he's lost touched with the overall ideal of hunting. Throughout the whole story there was nothing of him being the good hunter he is, like example he didn't win any big games like hunting lions or have any animals materials lying about his house, like any big time hunter. They may have the head of an animal mounted against their walls or some of the sort, but from what I recalled, Sehun has nothing of that. Even if it's a coat made from rare bear skin hanging by the door, would be helpful to his character. And during his time with Luhan, he never mentioned hunting, even if it was a hobby or his job as being a villager. 

I have no idea why and where Luhan came from. I dislike reading stories that will create more questions than answers and your story fell into that category. Example, why was he there in the forest? Since he's a god does he have some magical powers while he's on earth? How old is he in both god and human years? Does he have family and/or friends? How did he come about being a god? Why was he in charge of Spring? Why does he want to fall in love with a human? Is there a reason behind that? Since he's a god, how come he can't heal right then? He's immortal right, so why can't he just heal right then? Luhan's character did not stand out at all to me, he was so blunt. Like, when did he start liking Sehun? Why is he so careless when he talks? For instance when he was talking to Sehun he told Sehun what he was in charged of with no problem whatsoever. But then later on he wanted to hide his identity? I never found where Luhan may have developed feelings for Sehun since it was only and mostly from Sehun's POV, but just a scene of Luhan's thoughts would really help the story. 

Tao, I got the feeling that he was some diva weakling, however he pinned Sehun near the end and they made love. That was truly unexpected. Yes, Tao did wushu but he didn't have any title along the lines of "strong warrior" or "strong fighter" like how Sehun who was known to be a stong hunter. 

The side characters weren't important, only Lay stood out as the healer of the village they lived in. 

(8/10) Originality: The feels in here were either too rushed or too slow. I was especially confused at the whole thing with village, town, arrows/bows, and the civil war. The civil war took place in the 1800s where even guns were invented, why was Sehun using arrows? Arrows gives off a 1600-1700s feels and since a civil war took place, I was thinking perhaps their weapons were enhanced as well to guns. (My opinion, Sehun may have been better with arrows and bows rather than guns, but just a thought). The jump from village to town to village confused me, if it's a village then stick to a vilage, if it's a town then stick to a town. (I'll discuss this more under grammar/errors).

(30/40) Storyline/Plot: I gave you a lot of points here because I love the idea of your plot and it's whole storyline. But the way it was executed disappointed me in a way. Because you were worried that each chapter was going to be long, I feel like everything was rushed and repeated. We already know that Sehun is crazy about Luhan's beautiful appearance, but does he not think? I was surprised how he waited to bring Luhan home before he begin wondering how and why Luhan transformed from a deer to a man. Luhan seemed to be the one making all the moves on Sehun but he even said mortals and immortals can't have that sort of relationship (well he sort of said that) so it was like, is Luhan an idiot? Why I say that is because although he's a god, why would he need treatment and help from humans? Is he a rookie god? Why was he staying with Sehun in the first place? Is it just because he could feel Sehun's emotions that he had made the decision to stay with Sehun? Or was it his intention from the start to fall in love with a mortal in order to become mortal? I felt the story was heavily rushed and as mentioned repeated. Maybe spend less time descripting most of their actions and/or share Sehun's thoughts and focused on the mini events they can do together to show that they really like each other. 

Tao liked Sehun but Sehun rejected him, but somehow he was all heads over heels over Luhan. 

One major event that annoys and confused me is the moondust. Since it's from the moon I thought it held some powers to it? Like the fact that it has to be a god involved in order for the whole process to work? But how is it that two humans who just inhaled it fell in love? If that was the case, why didn't Luhan and Sehun just do so when Luhan first brought it out? How come Tao and Sehun doesn't have to go through the whole "faithful" process? Does it only apply to a god to make it harder, since he or she is afterall a god?

One thing I would have loved to see in this story was a twist. There was no twist and the majority of the upcoming scenes were not something I was anticipating or excited to read. 

(15/25) Grammar/Errors: I've mentioned it in other reviews as well but numbers under 10 should be writen out unless it's in a manner involving time/clock. Then and than, then is for time while than is comparing. Ex: looking then most = looking than most. A  lot of past and present tense errors, highly common. 

It's not required but if you read novels, most novels would have a character's speech, statement, comment etc in another paragraph or the following line. I suggest doing that, just to space out your story instead of crumbling it all into one large paragraph. It'll also look nicer spaced out. If it's just you wanting to keep every scene together then you can use the "horizontal line" provided by AFF to separate scenes and space your paragraphs in between. 

Ex:
Sehun got up and decided to wash up when he noticed Luhan must have gotten up early....

Sehun finally spotted Luhan in the kitchen....

The next morning arrived....

With nothing to eat Sehun decided to take Luhan out for a short hunt. 

Down the quiet dirt road and through the dimmed forest Sehun and Luhan.... 

(Like that~)

Town vs. Village:
Town: an urban area that has a name, defined boundaries, and local government, and that is generally larger than a village and smaller than a city.
Village: a group of houses and associated buildings, larger than a hamlet and smaller than a town, situated in a rural area.

That being said, since it's around the 1800s I suggest using town, since you did describe the town (obviously) rather then saying it was the village. Since it's the 1800s I suggest using the term bar instead of restaurant. Since restaurants come in during the early 19th century. 

OK = okay (proper spelling)

Original: On the moons bare landscape sat a petite God.... Rolling onto his back and facing the sky Luhan moaned out his lovers name repeatedly "Sehun! Oh Sehun! Why?" The stars shined brightly over the heaven he lay upon.

Question: I imagined that Luhan was on the moon, eavesdropping on Tao and Sehun due to some sort of power or magical connection. BUT, why was there a sky on the moon? Why was there a heaven on the moon? The sky is basically space isn't it? Unless this moon is somehow different from reality? 

With some proofreading, I guarantee your story would have been a more interesting read. Repeated minor errors can occur but at the same time they can be avoided. It just requires time and effort. 

Your vast usage of vocabs. saved you from a lower score under grammar. I love all the creative and dictions that were included and used in the story! 

(3/5) Overall Enjoyment: If I didn't have so many questions I would have looked at the story was a completely different perspective. Your story is probably the first story that appears interesting from the other HunHan I've read thus far. (I'm not a hardcore EXO fan so I haven't read a lot, but I've read at least three others beside yours). The story as a whole kept me interested and wanting to read it to the end, but the feels wasn't there for me. I upvoted cause I love the storyline/plot!

(71/100) Points Total (Points does not make your story, they make perspective!)

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:

I've never asked for a review before so I'm a bit unsure :/ Constructive criticism would be good so I can improve my writing ^__^: I hope you didn't see my review as bashing but constructive criticism, again I hope you'd keep writing awesome plotlines such as these~

And I did say I was going to get it done before noon but sadly I was two hours late since work got in the way~

Thank you for choosing BLK Reviews and for your patience! Hope to hear from you again!

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