Title: Concealed Identity

Note: Spolier Alert

Story link

Requestor's Username: Kaihleelo

Reviewer's AFF Name: Amizupen

Date Received - Date Completed: May, 1,2015 -May, 3, 2015

Title (9/10):

The title pulls attentions. It brings up questions with a hint of mystery and curiosity. Well done! The reason I took off one point is because I think there are still room to be more originality. The greatest fanfics I read had mind blow titles like 10080, Anterograde Tomorrow and Der Märchenclub. Other than that, I think is a great title. Well done!

Character (6/10):

Swordsmen can have so many different personalities and unexpected twists, because they can experience some traumatizing events. Therefore, I love reading all the swordsmen in your story and even more excited to read about how they grew up. So far, Wootae and Changwoo’s characters seems most developed. However, they are so similar. At times, it’s hard to know which character is talking. I got confused on the first chapter. The first chapter didn’t stated their names often -maybe it was for the sake of mystery- which cause a lot of confusion in my reading. I didn’t know who is starting the conversation or performing the action. I suggest you to create a character chart for yourself. List all the important characters and create a list of personalities, favorites, desires, goals, passions and flaws. It’s like create another human being. When you write in their perspective, you will have a feel of what kind of people they are.

Ask yourself these questions:

“Do I want my readers to hate him/her?

Will this character change throughout the story?

What is his/her past?

What makes them angry, scared or sad? (I believe these qualities reveal the true side of human beings.)

Most importantly, what is the purpose that I am trying to convey?”

Good job with the thorough usage of adjectives, but maybe a little more on the face expressions. We all analyze human emotions through faces. It can help you with characterization. Concealed Identity have potential to be a great story. Once the readers falls in love with one character, there is no going back.

Originality (9/10):

Oh boy! I don’t know where to even start. I am a big fan- like size of windmill- of historical fanfics, movies, books and etc. In fact, I am planning one myself right now. I have read historical fanfics before. However, it’s rare to have fanfics in a historical setting, because of its complexity many authors avoid writing it. I am proud of you to take a stab at it. Not to mention, you have actors in it. I have to mentally contain the monster in me.

Ps. Ji chang wook is the bae.

Storyline/Plot (-/40):

It seems to be a hardcore dramatic story. Beginning the story with a war scene is already filled with heart throbbing emotions. There is only 3 chapter so far, so it is unfair to rate your story yet. One thing to point out is there are too much going on all at once. A timeline to assist you in writing might be helpful.

Grammar/Errors (25/25):

Nothing so far. A golden star!

Overall Enjoyment (4/5):

I personally love historical setting, so I enjoyed. I took of one point because I got confused a lot. I suggest to space out the words in the chapters. Crowded words scares readers like the grudge crawling out of the screen. Lastly, I suggest to put in more plots for chapter one and create a cliffhanger at the end. I didn’t have the feeling of clicking that subscribe button after chapter one, because I am not pull into the story.

Bonus:

I have a suggestion on the foreword. I recommend to put a few phrase or hint in the very front of the page. I think of websites like a walking salesman. You only have a few second to chain the readers attentions, before their nasty finger click away from your page. Your layout is fancy and attractive, but it didn’t say much about the fanfics by first glance. It’s rather complicated and overwhelming. I think this would be great on the description.

“Stories are often created from a man's imagination or a series of events that he personally encountered. In due time, they will slowly evolves into accounts they believe to be worth sharing.

etc...”

Thank you. It’s a honor to review for you. I apologize for any harsh criticism. Happy writing.

Points Total: (53/60)