Hidden in a Distance - velvetmajesty
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if there is something unclear, feel free to PM me.
Also, I am really sorry for the long wait.
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velvetmajesty
REQUEST ON: 7/15
REVIEWER: BLACKROSESTEARS
FINISHED ON: 3/11/17
SCORE: 100/100
TITLE: (10/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - At first you can't help but wonder what or who is hidden in the distance. It sounded really interesting as a title and you get curious about the actual story.
EYE-CATCHING (3/3) - The title has a mysterious vibe so it catches your eye.
ORIGINAL (4/4) - I was looking for other stories with the same or a similar name on this side but couldn't find one so it is indeed a pretty original title.
STORY'S FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION (10/10)
STORY'S SUMMARY (5/5) - Your foreword is well written. I had many questions like what exactly happens and why your characters act the way they do just by reading it. It made me looking forward to the actual story especially because you didn't reveal too much of the actual story.
APPEARANCE (5/5) -the overall look is really clear and easy to read, to understand so there is nothing to say here.
CHARACTERS/CASTS (10/10)
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (5/5) - The relationship of Kai and Kyungsoo was well developed. They were not together right from the start and didn't admit their feelings for each other at first. It was nice to see the slow process between them from being friends and workmates until the first confession of Kyungsoo to the point of Kai confession too and them getting together.
The relationship between Kai and Sehun, on the other hand, is a beautiful friendship at first though we can clearly see that Sehun is feeling something deeper for kai. When they got together, their relationship develops pretty fast, almost too fast but it fits the whole plot because Kai has to show Sehun that he has no feelings for Kyungsoo anymore so the whole development is really good.
The relationship between Kai and Sehun, on the other hand, is a beautiful friendship at first though we can clearly see that Sehun is feeling something deeper for kai. When they got together, their relationship develops pretty fast, almost too fast but it fits the whole plot because Kai has to show Sehun that he has no feelings for Kyungsoo anymore so the whole development is really good.
CHARACTER'S RELATIONS (5/5) - The character interactions between Kyungsoo and kai are beautiful written. You can clearly see how they feel for each other, that they deeply love each other. Kyungsoo is fighting cancer, a hopeless battle, thinking about kai and that he wants to continue to fight because of kai while kai is feeling really sad and down because he can't see his boyfriend anymore.
The friendship of Sehun and Kai is also pretty important as Sehun is always there for his best friend sadly ending as some kind of rebound for Kai.
The friendship of Sehun and Kai is also pretty important as Sehun is always there for his best friend sadly ending as some kind of rebound for Kai.
THE AUTHOR'S MINDSET (40/40)
LOGICALLY (10/10) - The whole story made sense from the beginning to its end with no holes or confusion.
ORIGINALITY (10/10) - It was pretty original since most of the love stories I read so far tend to have a happy ending instead of such a sad one like your story had.
TONE (5/5) - The tone was well used as it had its romantic moments where we were able to feel the love as well as the sad and devastating moments of the three main characters and their longing for each other.
NARRATION (5/5) - The POVs were well chosen and well used as well as we were able to get to know Kai, Kyungsoo, and Sehun. Like that we were also able to know how they feel and why they act the way they did especially in Kyungsoo's case as he didn't want Kai to see him suffering too much.
STORYLINE (10/10) - The story is captivating from the first sentence on as Kai tells us that Kyungsoo died a year ago. It is this huge question that accompanies us through the story until the end why Kyungsoo died, whether he was sick or committed suicide.
The story continues chronologic, showing us how Kyungsoo and kai met, how they had to work on a school project together and got closer trough it. Because of the use of Kyungsoo's POV, we see that he is already sick but is good at hiding it from everybody else so Kai has no idea. With the help of Sehun's POV, we also find out about his feelings for Kai.
Kai and Kyungsoo get closer and closer so Kai doesn't leave the others side when Kyungsoo gets sick. Once their project they don't know how to act because of their feelings for each other. Here, it was nice how they were not able to confess right from the start, they are both too shy, afraid to get rejected and It was great how you described their longing for each other.
But once they did, we see a beautiful relationship growing with each day as Kyungsoo helps Kai with his sick mother. We see here that they have a similar character trait as Kai didn't want to tell others about his mother's sickness just like Kyungsoo didn't tell Kai about his sickness because Kai already has enough on his plate. It is heartbreaking how Kyungsoo gets worse each day but still doesn't want to tell kai about his sickness but decides that he wants to fight against it so he can return to his boyfriends' side.
Kai reaches a point where he can no longer wait for Kyungsoo as he still has no idea what is going on so it is understandable that he breaks up with him and gets together with Sehun who was always there for him, his shoulder to cry on. We can already guess that Kai is just trying to forget Kyungsoo and wants to show sehun that he doesn't have feelings for the other anymore as their relationship moves pretty fast as Kai proposes after only a month of dating.
And Sehun realizes too that Kai doesn't love him the way he loves Kyungsoo once Kai finds out about Kyungsoo's death.
I really liked how you ended the whole story with memories of Kyungsoo and Kai and important parts of their relationship but also with Kai who becomes a doctor to help people like Kyungsoo and his mother. It rounds the story really well.
The story continues chronologic, showing us how Kyungsoo and kai met, how they had to work on a school project together and got closer trough it. Because of the use of Kyungsoo's POV, we see that he is already sick but is good at hiding it from everybody else so Kai has no idea. With the help of Sehun's POV, we also find out about his feelings for Kai.
Kai and Kyungsoo get closer and closer so Kai doesn't leave the others side when Kyungsoo gets sick. Once their project they don't know how to act because of their feelings for each other. Here, it was nice how they were not able to confess right from the start, they are both too shy, afraid to get rejected and It was great how you described their longing for each other.
But once they did, we see a beautiful relationship growing with each day as Kyungsoo helps Kai with his sick mother. We see here that they have a similar character trait as Kai didn't want to tell others about his mother's sickness just like Kyungsoo didn't tell Kai about his sickness because Kai already has enough on his plate. It is heartbreaking how Kyungsoo gets worse each day but still doesn't want to tell kai about his sickness but decides that he wants to fight against it so he can return to his boyfriends' side.
Kai reaches a point where he can no longer wait for Kyungsoo as he still has no idea what is going on so it is understandable that he breaks up with him and gets together with Sehun who was always there for him, his shoulder to cry on. We can already guess that Kai is just trying to forget Kyungsoo and wants to show sehun that he doesn't have feelings for the other anymore as their relationship moves pretty fast as Kai proposes after only a month of dating.
And Sehun realizes too that Kai doesn't love him the way he loves Kyungsoo once Kai finds out about Kyungsoo's death.
I really liked how you ended the whole story with memories of Kyungsoo and Kai and important parts of their relationship but also with Kai who becomes a doctor to help people like Kyungsoo and his mother. It rounds the story really well.
PROPER USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (25/25)
PROPER GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION (10/10) -Your grammar and punctuation were pretty good, I didn't find any disturbing mistakes.
TERMINOLOGY (5/5) - Your vocabulary wasn't limited but really wide. There was no overuse of a word or phrases that would have made it boring to read the story at a point.
LANGUAGE BARRIER (10/10) - There was no overuse of Korean in your story.
REVIEWER'S ENJOYMENT (5/5)
I really enjoyed reading your story. You have a nice writing style that got me hooked from the first chapter on as I wanted to find out more about Kai and Kyungsoo and why they couldn't have a happy ending together. your story was full of emotions and there were points that it was hard not to cry especially when Kyungsoo doesn't know that Kai is with Sehun and still has his hopes that one day, they will be together once again. The flow was really nice too because it was not rushed especially when they were both too shy to confess or when Kai doesn't move on right away but really waits Months for Kyungsoo to return to his side once again.
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