NOTE: One-shot - sorry for the harshness. Just trying to help.

(5/10) Title: Title is tricky, because I really like short titles with deep meanings. Like one to two words that summarizes the whole story. Your title is more of a sentence, so it doesn't leave a big impression on me. The story title doesn't seem to fit much with the story itself. It's a oneshot so you can't really add much detail or backgrounf information. Thus the story doesn't support the title. Something like, "Glad You're Here" etc would fit more in my opinion or "I Have You" and "Because You're Mine."

(8/10) Character: Their love for one another seem to just popped out of nowhere. I would have loved a part leading into their relationship. On the other hand, I could tell they love and care for each other. It was sweet and cute.

(7/10) Originality:  It's original... their love for each other was pointed out. Starting the story where Kai gets overworked was good, just need to reword it and make it less informational.

(28/40) Storyline/Plot: First off, I want you to know that not every reader you get is a fan of the specific idols you are writing about. You also can't assume they know everything about that idol etc. Also because of the many run-ons, it was difficult to get a catch on the storyline.

The pace was very slow at the beginning, but it picked up later on and didn't go too fast. So it was okay overall.

I'm sad to say this but there was just no storyline at all in the beginning. All I got was information about how successful EXO was with their songs. You should just mentioned a little info and then lead to the main part of the story.

There were no transition at the start of the story was jumping all over the place. One second it's explaining about other EXO members, another second, a name of another idol popped up. Keep your story, description, and characters as closely related as possible. Ex: EXO and f(x) are mentioned and suddenly I see BoA out of nowhere. Although you used it to describe the person, I think a different word would have been better for it wouldn't distract me from reading.

Your story has too many fluffs (mainly at the beginning), and is not straight forward. Ex: just say the name of the person like "Soojung" and not "f(x)'s maknae"

HALFWAY: It took almost half of the story to get to the main part. Only halfway into the story do I get interested. More interactions and less information and explaining would have made the beginning of the story perfect. Although it does get interesting later on, the beginning is the key to every story. It wasn't catchy for me, and if I came upon this story as a reader and not a reviewer, I would have passed the story and not continue reading (I would probably regretted it because the ending was great). Thus the score I'm giving you is mainly due to the start of your story. Halfway through it's very good. If the beginning was cut out, I would have given this am almost perfect storyline. 

Towards the end, word choices were spot on. Detailed enough to paint a picture but not overly done. Very well done.

(15/25) Grammar/Errors: Sometimes you add too many needlessly words, or you get too creative with words and it just doesn't read well. Try to keep it short and clean yet simple to read and understand. Think about the audience you will get on AFF when you write your stories. 

There were many run-ons and I couldn't enjoy the story. I Won't point out everything, because I think leaving you to fix your own work is one of the best way to improve in your writing. 

Original: Anyways, though Wolf didn’t exactly give EXO a winning streak that could gain them a triple crown, it, however, overlapped with their labelmate’s, f(x), latest song promotion, Rum Pum Pum Pum. And Jongin was probably the happiest about that. Because not only did it boost his confidence knowing his girlfriend would be watching him perform live in music shows, and in return he got to (internally) cheer for her and the rest of f(x), but most of all they got to have more time for each other.

Correction: (First of all, the way you worded the story makes it feels like I'm reading an essay and not a story until halfway through. Sorry if I'm not making any sense, but it seems like the your word choices are involving yourself (the writer) and not me (the reader) from reading. The small comments you made disrupts the flow of the story. You want your readers to be engaged in the story.) -Although Wolf didn’t exactly give EXO a winning streak that could gain them a triple crown, it overlapped with their labelmate f(x)'s latest song promotion, Rum Pum Pum Pum. Jongin was probably the happiest about that, because not only did it boost his confidence knowing his girlfriend would be watching him perform live in music shows, he got to (internally) cheer for her and the rest of f(x). Most of all, they got to have more time with each other.

Note: my corrections may not be accurate, but I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say.

Original: Yes, EXO’s Kai is in a relationship with f(x)’s, Krystal. And there were moments shared in the dressing rooms between the two that could break all his fangirls’ heart, if they ever learned of it.

Correction: EXO’s Kai is in a relationship with f(x)’s Krystal, and there were moments they shared in the dressing rooms that could break all his fangirls’ heart, if they ever learned of it.

NOTE: You start many of your sentences with "but", "because", and "and." Work on word choices at the start of sentences. There are many words you can use to replace them, or rephrase and try to combine sentences.

Original: Then maybe he could take Soojung out onna date, like an ordinary, normal couple.

Correction: Then maybe he could take Soojung out on a date, like an ordinary normal couple.

Note: I suggest you reread your story to catch small spelling errors.

Original: “--- hadn’t flooded my Kakao, I probably would not have known about your condition. Some boyfriend you are." Soojung was no longer whispering and obviously mad. He pouted.

Correction: “--- hadn’t flooded my Kakao, I probably would not have known about your condition. Some boyfriend you are," Soojung was no longer whispering and obviously mad. Kai pouted.

Note: Make sure to use commas at the end of quotes if they aren't ending in "!", "?", "...", or "---"    I also noticed you rarely mentioned Kai/Jongin and you mostly refer to him as "he". Using too many "he" will make the story not as exciting and monotone. Same goes for Krystal, where you use "she" and "her". Mix it up to keep reading interesting and different.

Original: And wanting to prove their management that such cheap low move to keep them apart and cut their time together will not put an end to their relationship, Jongin did not complain at all and instead supported Soojung all the way by not bothering her during her scheduled filming. 

Correction: To prove to their management, that such cheap low move to keep them apart and cut their time together, will not put an end to their relationship. Jongin did not complain at all and instead supported Soojung all the way by not bothering her during her scheduled filming. 

Note: Some of your quotes need to point out who is saying it. If the next quote is said by the same person then don't make it into it's own paragraph.

Original: He received several messages from the other members asking him how he is, and he replied the same thing to each of them, I’m ok.

Correction: He received several messages from the other members asking him how he was, and he replied the same thing to each of them, I’m ok.

Note: keep tenses the same, there were a few but I'll only mention a few.

Original: “Don’t make me fall asleep yet.” Soojung whined. But her actions contradicted her words when she closed her eyes and even tried to make herself more comfortable at her boyfriend’s side. “I still have to go back to our dorm.”

Correction: “Don’t make me fall asleep yet,” Soojung whined, but her actions contradicted her words. She closed her eyes and even tried to make herself more comfortable at her boyfriend’s side, “I still have to go back to my dorm.”

Original: “Ok. Just make sure your manager hyung won’t know or it’ll give him a heart attack.” She murmured, her words were slightly slurred. They both knew he didn’t mean the offer, he was only being playful.

Correction: “Ok. Just make sure your manager hyung won’t know or it’ll give him a heart attack,” she murmured, her words were slightly slurred. They both knew she didn’t mean the offer, she was only being playful.

Note: A reminder that you have to use commas before quotes etc You also have comma splices, too many commas in one sentences, or sometimes you add a comma where it doesn't need one.

(3/5) Overall Enjoyment: The beginning of the story wasn't catchy for me. Too much information and not getting to the main part of the story. I want to like it more but it was way too hard to read with the many run-ons. The story did get a lot more interesting halfway and towards the end. I love open ended stories. Story was great but poor beginning execution. The points doesn't point to the story itself, but more on grammar. Good luck on your stories~ <3

(66/100) Points Total

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us: None

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