Cheque Mate

Reviewer: dhaatk
Review for: snowflake16

Requested on: 02/16/2015
Finished On: 03/09/2015

NOTE: One-Shot (Spoiler Alert)

(9/10) Title: The chosen title is truly original, unique and stands out but I cannot connect it with the story fully. I spotted how you continuously refer to chess, yet in the end all those hints do not really click and come together.

(10/10) Character: All the characters are really well-written. What makes it even better is that you do not have too many characters. Because of that each character has its own unique traits and they all do not seem the same. Also, the way you write shows that you know your characters very well and all of their decisions make perfect sense. That is awesome! Speaking about every character, let's discuss the protagonist first. Jun Hyung at times makes the reader think he is lonely and like a lost puppy, but I am not able to decide whether it is bad or good. Basically, throughout the story I visualized Jun Hyung as typical detective from some Korean drama – smart, a bit clumsy, helplessly trying to catch the villain. I like this fact, however, because the message you want to deliver through this story and your writing style are quite heavy, so not having a totally complicated main character is an advantage. What considers Kyung Soo, I love how he sticks to bad guy's image until very end of the story. He looks very consistent, assertive and even threatening. Speaking of a threat, I could have never thought that Boa is the ultimate antagonist. In such thrilling and tense stories, reader sometimes looks forward to something shocking and totally unexpected but yet every time such things are surprising. She was portrayed as quite laid-back lady, an officer who is completely done with her colleagues. There are no signs of her personality that would show she is the killer. The signs I am speaking of are seen in Chunji's character all the time. It is hard to understand him fully, what is he like and why he speaks the certain way or does particular actions. But he adds some spice to the story.

(10/10) Originality: I think everything about this story is original. From the title and the storyline to the characters and the message you wanted to deliver.

(38/40) Storyline/Plot: The story is really tense and intriguing. It is full of action and there is a plenty of events that makes the reader engrossed in the story. However, there are a couple drawbacks. Since there is a really big number of events, it would be better if you grouped them into three of four separate chapters. When I opened the story and saw the amount of text, I almost cringed. Plus, it is a bit unbelievable that reader would consume such long and hard text at once, so diving it into smaller parts would be beneficial. Another huge flaw I found was the ending. Now, I just love the main statement of this story. Talking about what can be an outcome of people glorifying beauty is a brilliant idea. But it would have been more than good to end the story with Boa being caught. There was no need for the final scene between Kyung Soo and Jung Hyung. I see no purpose of the protagonist dying.

(25/25) Grammar/Errors: The grammar skills of yours are splendid. There are some mistakes of spelling, but I believe they appeared due to absent-mindedness. I love how you play with words, for example: “[he] tasted the words on his tongue” or “[his] eyes roared in fury”. It is awesome how you use full phrases instead of simple words to describe emotions, for instance, instead of saying that a person was angry you wrote: “[his] nostrils flared momentarily”. What I like a lot are the descriptions of mutilated bodies. I was able to imagine every single detail to the point it made me feel sick. It is hard to provoke the readers but you managed to do so perfectly.

(4/5) Overall Enjoyment: I enjoyed the story very much (I guess you can see that from my upvote) but that final scene where Kyung Soo killed Jun Hyung did not appeal to me.

(96/100) Points Total

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