Circus - DivinestSense
BLK's Review Shop ACHIEVE--BLK'S--
--REVIEWS-
--REVIEWS-
REMINDER
///////////////
BONUS: [YOUR QUESTIONS AND FOCUSES FOR US HERE]
♦FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE US PERSONALLY WITH ANY CONCERNS.
♦ THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING BLK
REVIEWS AND FOR YOUR PATIENCE! HOPE TO SEE YOU VISIT AGAIN.
A.U. : DivinestSense
REQUEST ON: 7/20/15
REVIEWER: EUNRIEHYUN
FINISHED ON: 7/31/15
TITLE: (04/10)
I found your title plain.
Honestly, I wouldn't click on a story with Circus as its title, because I'd automatic think it has something to do with animals and clowns, which of course your story is not the case.
Your story is more magical, deeper than what your recent title signifies.
I suggest that you work of your title more, make the connection with the characters or related to the legend you talked about in the story: "The legend of the circus", "Court of the circus" something that will attract the readers attention.
I know you can do it!^^
STORY'S FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION (10/10)
Is very attractive! It was very well done.
CHARACTERS/CASTS (09/10)
Your characters were well done, they had their own connection with one another.
I could easily view them as real people that I could meet ANY TIME.
THE AUTHOR'S MINDSET (30/40)
Circus, made sense,Was well done.
Your story felt original and unique, I like that.
The flow of your story was written smoothly, but some of your chapters were boring while other were very intriguing, work on it.
PROPER USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (15/25)
Now here is where you must work on.
Separate the dialogues from the description it really irritated me, besides it confuses the reader-in occasion.
In ch.1, you use the word unsavory to describe how your character felt in the location he was, I suggest you change unsavory to Unpleasant. Spent is use for money and such while spend means where a person stayed.
Correction:
"Many nights were spend in unpleasant places while he busied himself with the girl's location."
>> Quick tip<<
Only because the tittle is circus, it doesn't mean it has to be capitalize everytime you use it to describe an action regarding the circus crew.Only capitalize when is necessary.
In ch.2, is not tee shirts is T-shirts.
In ch.16, I suggest you change so to show.
Correction:
"You could show me some magic tricks -or actually don't feel.."
In ch.17, I suggest you insert was after she
Correction:
"...and she was always supporting his actions and complementing his intelligence. "
Correction:
"On any day, he would scratch the back of his neck as his eyes formed kind crescent moons."
REVIEWER'S ENJOYMENT (03/05)
In some of your chapters I found myself anxious to know what would happen next, but in others I was bored-that I kinda stop reading.
It really cut my interest the grammar and the way it was presented, bit it was enjoyable and I could say cool in its own way.
I'm curious of what will happen on the next chapter.
I hope my review wasn't to demanding nor harsh on you, Is the way I am. I hope you continue writing and take in consideration what I've said.
Comments