NOTE: 11 Chapters (Spoiler Alert)

(6/10) Title: I searched up your title on AFF and got about 10,700 search results, there were at least more than 10 stories' titles similar to yours. (I expected that to happen). However, I personally don't think "His Destiny" fits as the title of this story, destiny is basically the only thing Kai seemed to believe in and then he rubbed it onto Ae Ra. With your level of creativity I believe you can come up with something better and more interesting.

(4/10) Character: I hated all the characters in here, they all annoyed me. Ae Ra and Kai seems to understand one another very well, like how did Kai know Ae Ra's mom was the most precious woman in her life? When it's known that not every daughter adores and treasure her mother. Although Kai seems upset about the loss of his girlfriend, he somehow is flirting with Ae Ra and talked about destiny? That was unexpected for me, it happened so fast that if someone I just met came up to me and asked if I believe in destiny and that he IS my destiny, I'll probably call him a freak and leave. I can't read Sehun's personality at all, he seems cold at first but then quickly warm up to Ae Ra when he found out she and his best friend likes one another. Ae Ra's father appear near the beginning then just disappear, he never pop up again throughout the whole story. Why is that? Is he home? Is he not around? Where exactly is he hiding? Baekhyun somehow is the love expert and became her friend out of the blue, did he not have any other friends? But most of all, I cannot read Ae Ra at all, the main character is the drive for a story and Ae Ra isn't doing a good job at that. She doesn't seem special in my opinion, sure she was pretty but does she has any unique skills? She doesn't stand out as the main character and it bugs me. I wished you would have included a specialty of hers into the story, it'll be a good twist to it. It doesn't even have to be a skill, it can be a trait, like she's a hardworker, daredevil, family-oriented in which it makes Kai interested in her. 

(5/10) Originality: Aside from the fact that Kai is sick, everything else was blunt. I can't process the feel of the story and I ultimately can't imagine it. In a story (especially if it's angst) you would want your reader to have a clue or image of what is happening, to feel and understand the hardships of each characters', but you didn't have any of these, at least to me. I wish you would have spent more time in describing their actions, emotions, and surroundings. After reading through the whole story (11 chapters) all I got from it was that the main characters cried a lot. You want more than a bunch of people who's always crying, I know sometimes people are so scared that they can't even react, in fact they shut down instead. Ae Ra cries like in every chapter if I recall correctly. 

(15/40) Storyline/Plot: The beginning was a big turn off and everything felt rushed. Honestly, Ae Ra seems like a lost person, or not to be mean but an idiot. She settled down wayyyy to fast and it's like her feelings aren't even real. Saying she's sad after her mother passed away, yet she smiled at a stranger (Kai) she met, then somehow she was taken aback by the numbers of people who mourned at her mother's funeral. And then her father showed up when she wasn't pleased with his presence; however, she didn't avoid him as well and instead she moved in with him without a single thought. This is when she was still aware of the fact that her father may still be married to his other wife, in which Ae Ra seemed to hate or dislike, but then after learning about their divorce she's not sure how to react. And when her stepbrother showed up and acted rude in front of her, she somehow let it bother her, like a lot. If he's the son of the woman who stole Ae Ra's father, why does she care about his behavior towards her on their first encounter? She seems very fond of Sehun for some odd reason. Ae Ra's feelings are scattered everywhere and I feel disconnected (that's not good when you want readers to be able to feel what exactly she's going through). There was no time in between where their feelings actually developed, everything seems fake. Time proceed and skipped around a lot in here, I thought it was only a week after she moved in with her father but she said it was already a month(?) The only twist was that Kai was sick which is a great twist, it's the aftermath of the car accident so I liked it. Kai and Ae Ra's relationship was wayyy to fast, Kai just lost his girlfriend but he's somehow already in love with Ae Ra after meeting just twice? At first I thought he was a player. I can't see how Ae Ra hates life, I can see a little of Kai, but Ae Ra seems to enjoy life, except for the fact that she's not a very social person. If you extend the story out some more and add in more scenes I think I would have given you more points. 

The major problem here is that your story is already 11 chapters long, yet I feel none of the scenes were special or stood out. It was just them longing for one another as they were away and time passed by quickly. With 11 chapters I would expect a more detailed story and a longer storyline. I mean, come on, you can do way better with already having 11 chapters, why did I feel like I read a one-shot when there are 11 chapters? 

(15/25) Grammar/Errors: Since English isn't your first language I cut you some slack, however I don't want you to think that that's an excuse for continuing to use poor grammar. There was a lot of errors and I can't point them all out, since there seems to be more than one error in every paragraphs. I suggest getting a beta-reader or use microsoft word to correct some minor errors, so it'll appear as an easier read. Since this story is written in a first person, I suggest using present tense. Past tense just doesn't work since it's happening to her right now, unless this was the past and if that is the case then perhaps say so from the get go. All of your "i" are lowercase when they should be uppercase, "I" as in Ae Ra refering to herself.  Lots of words were left out to complete the sentences, such as: the, a, an, etc. 

Original: I dont't know how to respond him, to be honest. I dont't know how it felt to love someone. I've never dated anyone before. Should I comfort him or pretend to be sad for him? But how could i comfort someone else when myself still sad as well?

Suggestion: Instead of choppy sentences, combine them all into one sentence using punctuations. Honestly the term "pretend" doesn't fit, why would she be pretending when she knows how it feels to lose someone? She sounds selfish here honestly, why would she be worrying about whether she should comfort him or not just because herself is sad? 

Correction: Honestly I'm not sure how to respond; I don't know how it feels to love someone since I've never dated before. So, should I comfort or pity him? But how can I comfort someone else when I, myself, is just as sad? 

Original: My dad left my mom because of that woman, and now he divorced with her. I don't know should I be happy because he did, or should I be sad because that means my mom had suffered her entire life for nothing.
"But our son still lived here." He added, making my eyes widened. They had son...?
Seeing my expression, my dad added fastly. "Her son, i mean. She had son from her previous husband so basically he's your stepbrother, Ae Ra-ya."

Correction: My dad left my mom because of that woman and now they're divorced? I don't know if I should be happy or sad because that meant that mom had suffered over nothing her entire life. 
"But our son still lived here." He added, making my eyes widened. They had a son...?
Seeing my expression he quickly added, "Her son, I mean. She had a son with her previous husband, so basically he's your step brother, Ae Ra-ya." 

Original: "I need.. My pills.."
Correction: "I need.... My pills...." (You need four periods in order to start the next word with a capitalization. Or else, use three.)

Original: "I did it for her!" I yelled frustatedly. "She needs to ing move on. She needs to live her life like normal people do. Do you think she would be happy if she keep loving someone who is dying? Someone who has tiny chance of survive? Someone who has time less than a month? For God's sake, i just want her to be happy!"

Correction: "I did it for her!" I yelled out of frustration, "She needs to ing move on. She needs to live her life like a normal person. Do you think she would be happy if she  keeps loving someone who's dying? Someone who has a little chance of surviving? Someone who has less than a month? For God's sake, I just want her to be happy!" 

(2/5) Overall Enjoyment: I wish I would have loved this story some more. Although I did graded pretty harsh please don't be discourage, again it's all based on my personal thoughts and feelings. I loved the whole idea of Kai trying to push Ae Ra into the ideal of destiny though and how he grew cold when he thought he should stop loving her. I upvoted your story because I love where the story is going and I will stay subscribed because I'm dying to read the end of it. Whether Kai dies or not, I really hope you'll surprise us readers! 

(47/100) Points Total (Points does not make your story, they make perspective!)

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:

Storyline: Can be found under storyline/plot :)

Sorry I could have gotten your whole review done hours ago but laptop was being a jerk and freezing on me so your review got delayed.

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