Attractive

Reviewer: dhaatk
Review for: ChibiAigoo

Requested on: 04/11/2015
Finished On: 04/13/2015

NOTE: 1 Chapter (Spoiler Alert)

(9/10) Title: The chosen title is not the most original. Word “attractive” is usually composed with other words to make a title. Because there has not been a lot of story written yet, it is hard to connect the title with story's content. From what has been displayed already readers can speculate that all the characters represent beauty and attractiveness. Therefore, readers can somewhat link title and story together.

(6/10) Character: The number of characters is indeed too big. According to the poster and description, there are around thirty characters. Now, the story must be of at least sixty very long chapters, if you want to talk about each of them and show how they are different from one another. By having so many characters, you dig a hole for yourself. For a story to be good, characters must be fully described and character development must be included, but that is very hard to achieve, unless you are writing a big book series like “Harry Potter” or “Game of Thrones”. It is impossible for a reviewer to comment more on each or at least a few characters, because there is only one chapter published.

(9/10) Originality: The story will probably focus on daily lives of high school students. That is not the most original thing one could come up with, but one thing about this story does seem original – the idea of characters living together.

(30/40) Storyline/Plot: It is tough to evaluate plot, because there has been only one chapter published so far. However, the first chapter was not so gripping. Quite many things happened, but they did not connect and did not really have normal consequence. Nothing interesting happened that would provoke readers to carry on reading. It also does not seem as something very exciting or unique will happen in future chapters.

(15/25) Grammar/Errors: The grammar skills are way off. The thing that a lot of readers dislike the most is the usage of Korean words, for example kingas and queenkas, mwo, oppa,  or chinja. There are plenty of words in English that can replace those Korean phrases. “Oppa” might be acceptable, but “mwo” or “chinja” are really unnecessary. Also, there are grammatical errors in almost every sentence. Getting a beta-reader would benefit you and the story a lot. Here are some mistakes fixed for you already:
“too many homeworks” – “too much homework”;
“looked on her homeworks” – “looked at her homework”;
“shook her heads” – “shook her head”;
“Did I have anything to help?” -–“Can I help with anything?”;
“You can help us by getting ready the plates, forks and spoons” – “You can set the table. Get the plates, forks, and spoons.”;
“While Seohyun, she's still stucks in her homeworks.” – “While Seohyun was still stuck with her homework”;
“ran her fingers in her hairs” – “ran her fingers through her hair”.

(1/5) Overall Enjoyment: At the end of the day, this is just not my kind of story. It have no interest in reading it further, but I wish you all the best luck in improving and writing next chapters or stories!

(70/100) Points Total

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